im married, how do i put my old lover behind even though im still in love with her?

Answer 1

Sorry, but I don't believe in love. There certain rules to attraction the biggest probably is proximity. If you cut off all contact with this person and do not see them you will most likely fall "out of love" the second you see them again you may find these old feelings coming back. Negative association could also help think of all the negative stuff about this person and you may find you feelings about them weakening. However, we tend to find people we are attracted to as good so you might have a hard time doing this. I know I do, I tends to only wok if you keep out of contact with the person.

Answer 2

Man, do I know how that feels. It sucks huh? Some days you're thinking you are married for the wrong reasons and some days you can manage to ignore that little voice in your head. I'm in the same situation too. It's kinda like an own personal hell/prison sometimes. What I learned is that you can't put it behind-this kinda thing can leave you incomplete for a life time. You have to have closer on the old person and the only way to do that is to get back with them. You will have to leave your wife, seek the old chick out, give it a go again, and then see where you stand. Maybe it will be great, maybe it will make you miss your wife and realize the potential in that. If you cannot get back your old lover it may just have to be a fact to live with (an easier one I assume since you know you can't have her) until you can decide whether it's something you can live with in your marriage or out of it. Don't listen to other people judge about how you shouldn't of gotten married to this new girl. Love is confusing, and sometimes things just get messed up for reasons we can't control. You don't owe any explanation to your wife-your private feeling are your own to sort out. Just don't pursue both at the same time-you do owe your wife a separation if you seek out the old lover. Good Luck-my heart is with you!

Answer 3

Both of you need profesional help. It seems to me like she really got rapped. And if after a year she finally let it out it's probably because it's still afecting her. If indeed, she had been molested, when little, by an uncle and nobody did a thing for her after she let it out, it's more likely that she thought that been a woman, nobody will care either or that she would be blamed for it. You say she's shy so this didn't help too much either. There's a lot of reasons why she should see a pro. About you, this, as you say it's driving you crazy, indeed it doesn't let u fell comfortable around your relationship. It seems to me like u really love your girlfriend (if not you wouldn't be feeling like this). Sit and tell her nicely that u both need to talk with a pro, not necesarily together, (she needs her space to talk about it). That u care about her but u feel like u don't have all the resorces to help her and to help u feeling better about the whole situation. Remember, she has kept it for herself, alone, for a year!!!! If you're feeling like your loosing your mind imagine how bad must she's been feeling all this time.

Answer 4

Everyone has a first love and you are no different...Everyone loves differently and you are no different..The way you love your old lover may not be the same has your wife...and you might being seeing somethings that your wife is doing that reminds you of some of the old things you did with the lover...But you must remember there is a reason you married your wife...and those reasons are only things that you know..Every woman is different and unique..Remember love is never prefect...

Answer 5

Maybe you need to be honest with your wife and leave. Problem is would your old lover take you back...probably not. Thats why she's an old lover.

Move forward and put those fantasy to good use on your wife and maybe you will remember why you married her in the first place.

Answer 6

Give it some time, about 20-25 years, that seems to be the average for getting over these things. You are only remembering the good things and turning her into a saint, if had been as good as you remember, you two would still be together. By the way never ever tell your wife about this.

Answer 7

you probably cant get rid of the feelings for your ex, but what you can do is work on strengthening your current relationship. i found that it helped to continue to fall in love with my husband, to make it a point to fall in love with him every day. I try to plan trips so that we have our own memories so i can put the other memories behind me. I am not sure if your mate feels about this, but i make it a point to talk about my ex to get it out of my system. my husband and i communicate a lot. we do things together, like chores, and we talk about just anything. after a while, your feelings for your old lover will fade and weaken, and they will just be fond distant memories.

after a year, i found that my feelings for my husband are so strong, that if i saw my ex today, chances are i would hug him and ask if he's found a girlfriend yet...

Answer 8

How could you have got married, if you are still in love with your lover, thats just wrong to your new wife that you have now. you cant have both.

Answer 9

Why would you marry one woman and be stuck on another? There are different levels of love, you needed to marry someone who outshines your old love.

Just put your old love out of your mind. Literally. Don't allow yourself to have thoughts of her. Or divorce and go back to her or look for someone who can really replace her.

Answer 10

It depends on whether you still manage to see your old lover. Changing town/place of residence helps a lot. Don't mess up your life and your wife's.