Help! How can I help my young adult daughter get out of a bad relationship before she marries the looser?

Question

My 26 yrs old daughter has a 27 yrs old boyfriend who claims to be a christian.
He says God speaks to him thru drugs! Her boyfriend convinced her to have sex with him even though she says she wanted to wait after they are married, he took away her virginity,and gave her STD. He does'nt have a job, but waits on my daughter to take the two of them on a date. The longest he has ever worked was less than 8 months on a job he was fired from because of using drugs while working. He has an 8 year old daughter who he doesn't take of. He's rooming with a middle age woman whom he has gotten pregnant, yet he convinced my daughter that their is nothing going on between them. He's a chruch hypocrite. He works in the ministry and have convinced my daughter that he's a "Godly" man. He claimed God told him that she is his wife. He plans to marry on 7-7-07! Help!

Answer 1

I have learned through raising my Children..Their are some thing you don't face head own it is hard but it really works...Go to the Lord with it lay it own the line to the Lord and ask The lord to open Her eyes so that she can see the things that you can see...To allow Her to here what it is She needs to here...And for Him to protect Her from Him ....Get a prayer chain started and get it done...Just went through about the same thing with my Daughter And the Lord Helped us it is all over with and done Never to look back own...God bless you through your trial and tribulations....And I will pray for you too...Bless all...

Answer 2

The good news is that 7-7-07 is several months away, and a lot can change by then. The bad news is that your daughter is 26 years old. She's an adult, and no matter how painful it is for you to watch her make mistakes, you have to mind your own business. You finished raising her a long time ago, and she is free to make her own choices. Pray for her eyes to be opened and for her to see what is really going on. In the meantime, don't do anything to cause your relationship with your daughter to deteriorate or even become strained. She will need you to catch her when she falls, and she will fall hard, and you don't want her to be too full of pride and anger to come to you for help.

Answer 3

Well your daughter is old enough to make her own decisions. No matter if those decisions are bad ones. She is the one that has to learn from them. What concerns me is that this guy is using drugs,,but that he has an 8 year old daughter he doesn't take care of?? What is up with that? Because if he is using and a child is present in his care then Child Protection Services should be notified. But Mom/Dad whom ever you are, you need to step back and not run your daughters life. Because if you put more pressure on her, she will rebel and could elope with this guy instead of getting married in a church. So be careful and just let you daughter know that you love her and are concerned for her because of the drug use. Good Luck to you.

Answer 4

This guy sounds like a crack head. You are right to be worried and feel like this is a mistake. I'm guessing you have told her how you felt about it. If she is 27, she is old enough to make her own choices. That being said, we dont always make the right choices. Maybe try to point our some of these things in a non confrontational way, and she will be more receptive. She still has some time to see things on her own, which will be better for you and your daughter. If she can see these things on her own, she will stick with them, ie if she doesnt marry him and breaks it off with him, she might blame you, but if she can see things on her own, it might stick. I would never want to see you daughters feelings hurt in anyway, but it might take him doing something really stupid and hurtful to make her see what he really is. I would definately ecourage her to use birth contol with this guy, I wouldnt want to see her get pregnant, and then feel like she has to stay. I hope she sees him for what he is, before its too late, and she marries him or gets pregnant. Maybe if you tell her how much you love her, and give her a safe, emotional comfortable place to go, she will change her mind. ( Im not saying you havent told her these things, its just a thought) Also, I want you to know, this is coming from a girl who almost didnt listen to her mom's advice. I thank god everyday that my mom is smater than i gave her credit for lol

Answer 5

Unfortunately you can't help her, she has to do it her self. Trust me I know. I hate to admit this but I tried to talk a girl out of marring my son because I knew he would hurt her and she wouldn't listen, she regrets not listening now. She has a new baby and just caught him cheating a couple of days ago. Of course, she loves him so she's giving him another chance, because she doesn't want her child raised without a Father. And she knows he has a child (11) with his ex and has never paid child support. So she'll (your daughter) have to make her own mistakes and suffer the consequences. Just don't alienate her and be there when she needs you because I'm sure she will.
Oh yeah, watch real close for signs of abuse, odds are if he starts she won't tell you and you probably won't be able to see the bruises. Good Luck.

Answer 6

There really isn't nothing that you can do...unless you set him up to where your daughter can see for herself that he is no good. If she can't see what is wrong with him, then maybe they should go to a marriage counselor. Maybe she does think that he is wrong for her, but because he took her virginity, he has thet certain hold on her. Help her to see that there is a better person out there that will treat her right...even if they are about to get married. Tell her that you want to spend mother-daughter time together and bring along a 'new friend' for her to meet!

Answer 7

Well, if I'm reading you right, I would guess you have faith in God. So I would start by praying. I don't mean to sound trite, but I believe in the power of prayer, so get down on your knees. It will help, because God listens, but it will also give you a healthy outlet to keep you from saying things to your daughter than could cause long-term damage.

When I was about 22, I was dating a man that my mom didn't approve of. She didn't have to tell me, I just knew because I know my mom and deep down inside I knew he wasn't all I wanted in a man. My mom and I went for a drive one night, and she started talking to me very frankly about her marriage to my dad. My parents are still married, so it's not like she was re-hashing a bad divorce or anything. But she was honest with me about her struggles, things she learned about my dad that made things hard, things she wished she'd known about herself and marriage... She wasn't mean or cruel or bitter- just VERY honest.

It made me take a hard look at my relationship, and what I wanted. It took me 3-4 months, and I wasn't that serious about the guy, but I did eventually break up with him. And all the reasons I had came from my conversation with my mom. I didn't recognize it at the time, but 8 years, and a now very happy marriage to a wonderful man later, I can look back and see how awesome that conversation was. I brought it up to my mom, and she doesn't even remember the conversation that well. But I remember every word.

So, I would say, just talk to her about her. Not about him. Talk to her about what you love about your marriage, what you struggle with in marriage, etc. Really avoid making comparisons to her boyfriend- trust me, she'll be doing it herself. Be gentle, and talk about yourself more than her. She'll appreciate you treating her like the adult she is, and she'll treasure your opinions more if she can hear them as an adult and not as a scolded child.

Remember, she won't turn around and immediately break up with him. But just gently plant some ideas, some standards, remind her of how valuable she is... and she may eventually come around.

And, in the meantime, pray without ceasing...

Answer 8

Wow. If all the reasons you stated about him is true, then your daughter has self-esteem issues. However she is 26 years old, so its a little late to be parenting her now. She's probably into drugs as much as he is, and if it were my daughter i would shave her head at night (bald) before the wedding night.

Answer 9

If you haven't talked to your daughter try. If you have maybe try some reverse pyschology. But if both fail then she'll learn the hard way, which sucks. Just make sure you are there to help back on her feet.

Answer 10

save her PRONTO. the last thing you need is for god to tell this psycho something awful to do and he follows though. i fear for your daughter and im really surprised, although she is an adult, you havent put a restraining order on him...please, slap some sense into your daughter...she sounds too beautiful and smart to be dealing with such a smuck. she will listen, just approach her alone, softly, as a mother...good luck!