Friendship and developing a rapport with students?

Question

I teach middle school students and I've been told that it's great to develop a rapport with your students, however I am finding that the students see me as a 'friend' - this leads to behaviour issues. What's the difference? Any advice from other teachers would be wonderful.

Answer 1

I also teach middle school and was having some problems at the beginning of this year. I had some loud mouthed boys who forced me to be a b*tch to keep control of the class. As a result I felt that my relationship with the "good" students was suffering. What I did to fix this was create an incentive. Since my problems were mainly behavior problems, I created a game called "Hot Shots". Everyday the class worked as a team to earn points for good behavior (ex. staying quiet in transistion times, doing things the first time they're asked, keeping their mouths shut when I'm talking,etc....essentially, what they should be doing anyway) Everytime they did something good I put a point on the board. When they started to become obnoxious or not do what was asked of them I'd take a point away. I also hung a Nerf basketball hoop over the door in my room. For the last five minutes of every class I drew names out of a container and that student got to go the back of the room and shoot a hoop. If they made it I gave them another point. One student got to shoot for every behavior point they had earned that day. We had a big score board on the side of my classroom where I kept track of all my classes scores as well as a count down of how many days were left of the game (we started with 30 school days...that was too long, i recommend 15-20 days) at the end of those 30 days the class with the highest score won an icecream party. We also started off the whole game by talking about our class as a basketball team (since most 8th graders can relate to basketball). We talked about how everyone has to play a part and work their hardest for the team to be successful. The phrase "We win as a team, we lose as a team" became our class motto. And we also dicussed that just like with a basketball team, we need a coach, and for the time that they are in my room, I am the "coach", so I call the shots. It has made an amazing improvement in the room. The kids hold each other accountable because they don't want to lose to another team, they listen to and respect me more, and my rapport with them has improved tremendously. It gives us something common other than "school stuff" to get excited about together, which allows them to open up to me about additional things. Maybe something like this would work for you. Good luck

Answer 2

When I initially began teaching I made the mistake of being more of a 'friend' to my students- result.. minimal respect and escalating behaviour problems. I thought I was 'cooler' than the other teachers as I had made my students 'my friends', and they hadn't. It caused untold difficulties; when a student broke major school rules I found it heartwrenching to 'take them to task', report card time I was terribly biassed etc..
Looking back I feel like a bit of a goose, but it is a common mistake new teachers make. I created a rod for my own back and had trouble pulling my 'friends' into line- my students also had difficulties as they wanted and needed clear boundaries, and a clear 'mentor', something I wasn't. Being a 'friend' doesn't allow this. Now, over a decade later, my students respect me, they wouldn't call me a 'friend', but more importantly, they call me their 'teacher/mentor', someone who guides, can be trusted and they have a good 'rapport' with. Rapport= relationship of mutual trust.
Being a friend is tempting, but in the long term- a very big mistake.
Hope this helps!! Why such a long answer... report cards for my 'charges' are due!

Answer 3

Start with your name. You are always Mr./Mrs./ Miss/ or MS. (last name). Behavior problems should be dealt with quickly. Most kids (and even adults) would much rather be considered bad than dumb, so keep this in mind and be encouraging to the slower ones.
I'm in a idyllic situation, teaching tenth grade in the Caribbean with only 9 students. I know all of their problems because they trust me, and because the island is too small to hide anything. I expect a lot from them; and because I make sure they're never bored, I get a lot.
Rapport is intelligent conversation and understanding going both ways. You should be able to manage it without undermining your authority with occasional verbal or physical reminders. I'm talking raised eyebrows, not a slap (which would be allowed here, but is not appropriate anywhere).
Practice will get you there, don't give up. There's something magic about helping form a child into a fine adult.

Answer 4

First understand that I'm not a teacher. However, I am a freshman in high school who has benefited tremendously because of close relationships with my middle school teachers. Because of that, I would definitely reccomend you to try to create those mentoring relationships, especially with those students who you think really need them (although, there could be some students who really need it and you might not be able to tell -- middle schoolers can be very gifted at hiding feelings).

However, if you feel that one of your students is abusing your willingness to establish a mentoring relationship (Note: understand that a student may be doing this but may not realize it -- so always be careful), I would reccommend you to talk with that student alone and tell them that when in class, you have to treat them similar to others (not the same treatment for all students because everyone is different). Of course a lot of teachers have favorites, but it shouldn't exceed that, at least not in a classroom with other students. When you're just talking with a student alone, that's fine, but understand that there are limits to a teacher/student conversation, as is true with every relationship.

Basically, I would very strongly encourage you continuing your support for your students -- it's more important to them than you realize, it definitely was for me. Also, a side note, they appreciate the fact that you're listening and telling your feelings/opinions. Most of the time they're not looking for the perfect solution to their problems, just someone who genuinely cares. It meant the world to me, and still does actually. Several of my middle school teachers who've done this for me are very important in my life, regardless that they no longer are a constant physical presence in my life.

So again, definitely continue to offer your care and support, it will be much appreciated, but understand that there is a limit, and make sure your students understand that too.

Answer 5

One way to zero in on the worst is to take time between classes to walk and talk with them one-on-one. Maybe you could ask them to help you take something to the office or some other errand. Nothing in particular needs to be talked about - just conversation. Try do do that once a week. You'll find that you will have gained some rapport. You don't need to be their "friend." But being a teacher who cares about them goes along way toward solving behavior problems.

Answer 6

Trying to change their views at this time of year will be difficult but it can be done. I typically try to start the year being quite strict and setting high standards then after Christmas I start to back off and give the kids some slack. You need to discuss a few specific behavior issues with the class and let them know what your expectations are. Don't be nice about it either. If they get upset with you about it fine. You aren't there to "be a friend" you are there to teach them and part of your job is to teach them propper behavior. They won't hate you forever either. Once they get used to the change they'll be fine. I bet that by the end of the year they'll even forget there was a time they thought you were mean.

Answer 7

are you there to teach or make " friends " ?
It's hard not to have favorite students but don't make it obvious.
Students will take advantage of you if they know you are their
" friend "
I am the only male teacher in a middle school and many of the boys really need a male role model.Some of the boys have confided in me and have told me some of their stories which are really heartbreaking but I have to remember that there is a fine line between a teacher and someone who will listen.
If you are a favorite teacher among the students,that is something you cannot help but trying to be the favorite teacher is.
Keep it professional !

Answer 8

treat the class as a group foremost, as a unit, we're all in this together.. you can bring them together with simple word games or interesting facts of obscurity. or... you can teach them number/memory link. I'll show you how to memorize a 17 digit number, OK? 225013213711349.50 it's 22 caliber, 50 percent is half, 13 lucky, 213 million people in US in 1973, 7 11 stores, 3 strikes 4 balls 9 innings, and .50 change. It is fun to do on the blackboard, leave it up for a day or two, it will pique their curiosity.

Answer 9

my friend when you leave God out of the subject and pick someone out of the Church to go with you have one less thing in common i want my women to be strong spiritually and believe what i do and no sex outside of marriage i think you sale yourself short with your judgment here but that is my own thinking as also God tells us not to be unevenly yoked together with an unbeliever you are disobeying God will seeking someone outside the faith and there are many intelligent people in the Church look into 2 corinthians 6:11-18 and rethink your strategy for a good man my friend