Is this a good idea?

Question

Me and my husband have been having problems and I suggested that we go to counsling but he doesn't think its a good idea. I don't know what to think about that. Should I gi by myself and tell him that if he is dedicated to saving this marriage he will come to? Please help!!!!

Answer 1

If he feels that you both shouldn't go for counseling, then don't push him. It might be good for you to sit down and talk, but remember, wait till he is in a good mood and want to talk. Otherwise, things might get worse. Choose a cozy, relaxing place. Take a holiday and go for dinner or just take a walk, only 2 of you. Getting back the old memory that make you both feel happy. Or perhaps you can prepare something he used to fond of, maybe cooking or to see you dressed up, etc.

Hope you can get your relationship back. Counseling might be good but it no longer has privacy since you have to talk and explain to someone else. Maybe your husband thinks that it is inconvenient.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Men never want to discuss their marriage with a stranger. A marriage counsellor probably would help, but it's murder trying to get them to go. You haven't given any info to go on, but whether your marriage is an old one or a new one, communication is essential - if you can't discuss your unhappiness, how can you fix it? Meanwhile, try this: You tell him that you realize he isn't going to make an effort, so you are going to join a club and start "getting a life". What that will accomplish is you WILL get a life so your marriage problems will disappear once or twice a week for a few hours, and MAYBE he'll start to worry he could lose the vibrant new you. Instead of being intense about your marriage problems, just say "I'm ready to talk when you are - just say the word." Then go about living your exciting new life. Good luck.

Answer 3

Yes, you should go by yourself. Yes, if he is dedicated to saving your marriage, he would let go of his pride and go too. A mistake that most people make is thinking that a counselor is someone who is going to sit there and tell you what is wrong with you and tell you what you should do. This is not true at all. A counselor's job, for an individual, is to listen and encourage positive thinking and behavior. He or she will give you pointers on communication, but will not put words in your mouth. He or she will help you discover what thinking patterns have caused you difficulties in your relationship. For couple's the therapists main goal is to encourage meaningful, clear conversation. It is amazing how differently men and women communicate. This often leads to frequent misunderstandings, arguments, and heartbreak unless we learn about these differences and how to work around them.

I wish you success. Do start going by yourself if he won't join you. Maybe he'll notice the positive differences in you and decide that he wants in on it too.

Answer 4

Broken: the reality of the situation is that you can only change yourself. Therefore; if your husband refuses to attend marriage counselling with you - go without him. Being a guy myself, I think I know what the problem is with your husband. It's him feeling that if he goes to counselling, he will be admitting that there is something wrong in the relationship and thereby, revealing weakness. A ego problem. Don't say anything to him about attending counselling at this point. You are the wise one for taking action and should "push" come to "shove", you will always know that YOU tried to do the best for your marriage. Being a married guy, I know that most of the time, guys are at fault for problems in the marriage. This is because guys tend to treat their wives for the most part, like "one of the boys". Women are as much mentally different as physically different in comparison to a male. Guys need to read up on relationship nurturing to open their eyes to female needs and how to attend to them. Good luck to you "Broken" !

Answer 5

Go to counseling.. If you feel that you need it than by all means go. I can't say that he will inevitably go because you made the first step. You owe it to yourself and your marriage. Who knows you may learn something of use, which will ultimately tell you if your marriage is worht saving or not!

Answer 6

I asked my wife to go to counseling, but she also said no. She didn't want a stranger in our marriage. I believe she did not want the counselor to tell her she was wrong. I went on my own and I feel better about myself but we still have problems.

Answer 7

go to counselling. do all you can to save your marriage. explain to your husband what you feel is the problem. you can go alone. be patient. continue being a good wife. work hard on your marriage. pray always.

Answer 8

Every couple may have their own problems ,some take years to be solved .and some of them are lacking of conversation .well in this case I can't see that your hasband are being cooperative.I think that 's not just your hasband or your fault .honestly ,if your hasband doesn't willing to talk to you ,it won't do any help .If that's the case ,you should seek help form professions .Good luck!

Answer 9

Unfortunately, you can't force your partner to do that. My mom wanted my dad in, but he refused, and I think I had an inkling as to why. Me and my husband went, and I was the one who was reluctant, but finally I gave in, and found it to be a very humiliating experience. The person who called himself a marriage counsellor quickly divined that I was Catholic and blamed the teaching of the church on our problems. Even my husband thought that was wrong. We didn't go back to that one. Still, we went to see another, and I also found that session stressful and made things worse, not better, (I was reduced to tears in 15 minutes) not to mention the icy atmosphere that the other couples were emitting in the waiting room while they waited for our session to end. I thought it was a waste of money, and refused to go. However, my husband liked that councellor. Again, for the third time, (to a third councellor) we went, and I again, very reluctantly, went. Instead of helping us, however, this counsellor gave us a page of "homework" to do, and gave no advice whatsoever. Needless to say, I wasn't impressed. (One of those "heal thyself" type people, I guess) All in all, I found the experiences humiliating, shaming, and disrespectful. However, I never went for more than one session to each of those councellors.

We still have problems, but some of them have disappeared with time, and one we know that I have is that I refuse to go to see a cousellor. Oh yeah, the one good cousellor, I forgot to say. Hm. How odd, considering I'm Catholic. At his wit's end with me, my husband called the priest. He actually made a housecall, which none of the others did. When he started off, the first thing he asked was how long have you been married? When we said "Ten years". He nodded. All the questions he asked made us feel better about ourselves, and at the end, my husband, surprised, said, "He was actually pretty good." I concurred. It was the last time we ever went to a counsellor

So, my experience has been this (in conclusion) 3 out of four councellors will try to f*ck you over. They're in it for the money or the ego, or because they've got some kind of formula they want to try out on you. But one out of four will actually help you. You will know he/she is good because you BOTH feel better about your marriage.

(I confess: I went because he wanted me to go and I wanted him to be happy, but it was really difficult for me and he knew it was.)

Answer 10

If you know deep in your heart that this marriage is worth saving then you will do whatever it takes. Good luck.