I just found out my 15 year old daugher is pregnant. HELP!?

Question

adoption or termination are not what either she nor us parents want. in what ways can we help and support her? yes we are dissappointed but we back her 100%. the father is not in the picture and i really don't want him to be. I just don't know the best way to handle this.

Answer 1

First, I'm so happy that you're on her side! If I knew you, I'd hug you! You are awesome parents!

Next, of course, get her to a doctor to make sure everything is going well with the pregnancy.

Buy her "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and any other pregnancy books that the doctor might recommend.

If you're interested, I bet there are also plenty of teen mother and families of teen mothers support groups out there. If your doctor doesn't know of any, ask your local Planned Parenthood. Be sure that the group is not going to press adoption on you and is not some fundamentalist-Christian group. There should even be tons of groups online, if you don't have a location near you. Getting emotional support for you and your daugher might help with everything you're going through.

As a side note, you may want to consider talking to a lawyer to explore your options about how to ensure the father of the baby isn't too involved. Being prepared is better than being caught off guard if he tries to get back in the picture.

Last, just love your daughter and your future grandchild. A baby is a miracle and a blessing and that's the most important thing to remember. This should be an amazing, wonderful time for all of you. Best of luck to you! You rock!

Answer 2

I am not too much older than your daughter, and I have seen this with friends and acquaintances. The best thing to do is be supportive of your daughter -- she needs to know her options. Not abortion, but adoption or keeping the baby and what both of those mean. Get her to an obstetrician for the necessary prenatal care.

A few things that I have learned through observation if she decides to keep the baby:

1. Do whatever you can to encourage her in her education. Going to school pregnant will be hard for her, but education is the only way that she will be able to self-sufficient. Not just high school, but college, too.
2. Make sure that she takes responsibility. She might only be 15, but now she has adult responsibilities. I have seen too many parents take over too much of the care for the baby, and it doesn't end up good for the mother or the child.
3. Look into counseling services. Your daughter is going to be going through a lot of physical and emotional changes, and she is going to need tons of support.
4. Talk to a lawyer. If the baby's father is not in the picture and you don't want him around the baby, you will have to know what your options are.

Good luck.

Answer 3

If this was a child he had before you and he got together then you have no reason to be upset. Ok, so he didn't tell you he had another daughter. The mother won't let him see her so he had resigned in his mind that he was not gonna have anything to do with her so why make it an issue for your relationship / marriage. The bigger issue here is that you went looking through his facebook acct because he left it open. You apparently have some trust issues with him now that didn't start with the info that he has another child. But look at the facts. He has 4 sons that sound like aren't yours. You're pregnant with your first child together. Is one more daughter gonna throw a monkey wrench into your plans? If he's been paying child support all this time and it hasn't affect your standard of living then he has a working arrangement. Stop snooping and apologize to the guy.

Answer 4

It's great that you want to be supportive and since she's so young, you'll have to be. She will depend on you a lot but just be sure that she doesn't do like many other girls and let you keep the baby all of the time. A friend of mine got pregnant at 15. She then went to a high school for pregnant teens, which had a nursery. After she graduated, she worked and supported her child. Her mother helped her but my friend was independent and had her own place. The next few years your daughter will need to learn many things about being a responsible adult.

Answer 5

There should be some type of family planing and/or counseling(free) in your area. Look in the County area of your phone book or try Goggle on line.
Aside from that, I applaud you for not abandoning your daughter for the costly mistake. Hopefully she is willing to learn from this and desires to do all in her power to accept your help and make better, more positive choices for her future.
Now is the time to become closer to each other and bond. I would think that she should bear full responsibilities of a mom (with your help of course, since the decision has been made to rear the newest member of the family). I would like to suggest that at this point everyone adopt the attitude that the welfare of the new born be the primary concern.

Answer 6

You have a great attitude up front by not pressuring her or by being judgemental. I imagine your disappointment would be a totally normal reaction. But you have much to look forward to with Dr's visits, scans, happy days, teary nights!!. I think the way to handle the situation would be to keep talking to each other as much as you can, and not not put any bad attention on the situation. The best thing to do is BE THERE unconditionally.

When you see the baby you will be glad you done the hard yards and gave her all the support you could.

Answer 7

Well, first off...just be there for her...that is the most important thing...I suppose I would let her continue her normal activities as long as she could...I was born to a young mother myself and my grandparents adopted me when I was born...I lived with them my entire life and also knew she was my mother...she married later and moved across the state...We have a very close relationship now, but it has been hard because she resented my grandparents at times, and if there was ever anything I did that they didnt like, I was her daughter...just try to think now what the relationship will be mother/daughter/grandmother...If you can try to assess that now what it may be like, it may make it easier in years to come...the most important thing is loving your daughter and your new grandchild...A child is a precious gift, ..Also, if the father does come back into the picture (or not), I would advise not to put his name on the birth certificate...A friends daughter was just in the same situation, the girl put the name of the father down when nobody was around...and now he is all kinds of trouble..even came and took the baby away for 3 days..and could not be arrested because he was on the birth certificate as the father...I know that may sound harsh..but you want to protect your family's best interest...not that of someone who took advantage of a little girl...Good luck and you will be in my prayers.

Answer 8

First, pray! And continue to support her. she's going to need it. She messed up but it's too late so you have to go forward. You have 9 months to be sure she and you parents are ready to raise a baby. If not you can consider adoption closer to that time. Support her but don't just let her get lazy now either. Shes going to have to grow up and take responsibility for her actions. That means she is the primary caregiver of her child, not you.
If you make that too easy by always taking the role of the mom she won't learn from this and before you know it you'll have 2 grandkids. Good luck.

Answer 9

Well, for one thing, you may not want the baby's father around, but the baby will definitely want to have a relationship with his/her father, and if you don't make every effort you can to facilitate that, your grandchild will never forgive you. You may not like this guy, but I guarantee you, no matter what kind of a creep he may be, your little grandchild will worship him. You don't have a right to purposefully keep this child from its father.

Secondly, be prepared to finish raising your daughter and assist her in raising her baby at the same time. Your daughter will need your help, financially and emotionally, for probably about 10 years after the baby is born. I'm saying that based on the assumption that she will finish high school and attend college so that one day she will be able to support herself and her child.

Be prepared to be tired, frustrated, drained, and incredibly in love with your grandchild. You will have to be smart enough to let your daughter raise her own child, but you will also have to know when to tell her what to do and when to put your foot down and say no. She is a baby having a baby, so she will be part baby, part grown-up, and this will make her adolescence even harder for her.

I think this can work out just fine, and I think it's great that you want to support her and help her. It will difficult, but it will also be a great joy, and you won't regret it.

I wish your family the very best.

Answer 10

Just treat her the same way you would if she were older and married... I know she isn't, but like somebody else said, she only gets one first pregnancy....I got pregnant when I was 19, and nobody seemed excited about it, and I felt like I shouldn't be either, until I called a midwife center and spoke to the midwife... I told her I was pregnant and needed prenatal care, the first thing she said to me was "congratulations!" It was really shocking for me to hear that, but it was like everything was ok now, I finally felt like it was ok to be happy.....I know it may not be the best circumstances, but just let her enjoy it! Throw her a baby shower, help her pick baby names, answer all her questions... this is a great opportunity for you to bond with her, and to show her how to be a great mother..... oh, and don't let people make you or her feel embarrassed or ashamed of it, It doesn't matter how old she is, a baby should be celebrated! Good luck, and please tell her congratulations for me :)