After 22 years of marriage, it's over. Now I am uneasy about dating again. I am a 49 year old fairly, attractive woman w/2 grown daughters. I was completely faithful to my husband, as he was to me. We grew apart and couldn't live together any more so we seperated~it's been nearly 3 years now. I know that I could never live with him again but I am uncomfortable with the thought of divorce for several reasons. I worry about losing any financial support from him later on. This may sound harsh or monetary (is that the right word) but I think I deserve something financially from him. I know very little about alimony or how it works. Could someone explain it to me and also talk to me about dating again?
Thanks in advance for any & all help. Both of our daughters think that we should get a divorce so there's no problem there.
2006-11-10 17:08:43 · 11 answers · asked by Donna J 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Here is some info on divorce. On the dating thing remember it takes time to get out there. Take a look at http://www.match.com and get a free login. You can get an idea of whats going on there.
2006-11-10 17:14:55 · answer #1 · answered by sdh0407 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The courts favour the woman to some extent, even though (here in Canada) the split of assets is supposed to be 50/50. The WORST thing you can do is go through a lawyer. You and your husband should sit down and work out what you think is fair (this is what we did), go to a para-legal and get your decisions put into legal terms. Once the courts get involved they will make sure you get enough money from your ex to continue to live as you have up til now. But your ex could end up being treated unfairly, and sometimes this causes men to get desperate - run away, commit suicide - and often the lawyers drag things out so they will get more of YOUR money! Work something out with him - he's the father of your children and you have a long history. But a divorce is a good idea, as it will leave you completely free to start a new life, especially if you fall in love with someone. Good luck. Oh, and 49 isn't old.
2006-11-10 17:20:24 · answer #2 · answered by Miz Teri 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a divorce.
Agree on some amount for alimony.
You don't neccesarily need a lawyer if you are in agreement.
The papers can be drawn up by a Para Legal.
It sounds like you amiable with the ex.
I hear where you are comming from. It has been 8 years for me.
I just started looking again and want a real life.
I don't really have any suggestions on that.
I'm 46 our age is not one where we can just go down to the local hang out and meet someone.
Sad that I think we get over all the superficial nonsense by now and really have something to give and share.
And we, well at least me. are not afraid of the opposite sex and lean more towards freindship than the morrass of sex and dating.
It is easier to just be honest.
I'm sure now that I am paying attention and thinking of it. I will find the "oldsters hangouts... " 8^)
2006-11-10 17:18:59 · answer #3 · answered by Kaustaub 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its time to cut the ties and move on. Most states have the "irreparable breakdown of the marriage" as a reason for divorce (aka "no fault divorce"). You are entitled to half of the assets, half of his retirement, etc. You should be able to get through financially with a little cutting back.
I was divorced after 20 years of marriage. I had to sell the house and buy a smaller one, but I have done well since then and am much better off without him.
Dating is very difficult after a divorce. It is best to meet someone in a group situation and get to know them before going on a date. I happened to meet my wonderful man here on "answers." We emailed and IMed for a long time before meeting ' by then we felt we knew enough about each other to give it a try. We have been together ever since. I would never have had the courage to talk to him if we met face-to-face first.
2006-11-10 17:17:05 · answer #4 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Choose a partner and marry him if your daughters agree. You must choose someone who is fincially capable of looking after you and your children. In that case you need no alimony. But be certain of your decision first before dating with someone else. The question of divorce will be decided on the choice of the right man.
If your lawyer advises you that on demand you will get divorce with alimony from your husband then it will be easier for you to attempt for another begining.
Otherwise -you should not involve yourself with anyone emotionally.
2006-11-10 17:23:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in law school, and the best thing that I can tell you is that alimony is complicated and has conditions. Usually, it is only for a certain period of time and then if you get remarried, you lose it, of course. You should speak to a lawyer that specializes in it -- he or she will be able to give you the details of you state's laws. You can call your state's bar for a referral for a lawyer in your area if you need one.
Starting dating again? Well, the best thing you have to do is go out and meet people. Volunteer work is a wonderful way to do this. Your local library, hospitals, nursing homes, soup kitchens, etc -- always need people to pitch in. One of my favorite charities is Habitat for Humanity. You might not meet someone to date right away, but expanding your circle of friends and acquaintances will help. Many people like online dating. Personally, it is not for me, but you might like it because you can start off slow with emails, then phone calls and then meetings.
Good luck.
2006-11-10 17:22:09 · answer #6 · answered by Jamir 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be carefull going on the dating scene again. But don't be scared either! you sound like a good lady and i'm sure you can easily get back on track. there are lots of dating sites on the web now but i still prefer meeting people in person. Try going with someone to fun places you like to go and start giving those guys the eye! make sure you check the left hand for a ring though and ask lots of questions cuz guys lie no matter how old they are!!!Good Luck!
2006-11-10 17:22:00 · answer #7 · answered by yousuckoverthere 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to a lawyer. You should be able to get some kind of alimony or at least gain some of the property (cars, the house)
2006-11-10 17:25:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, talk to a lawyer so that he can explain to you what to expect in divorces .also, learn to go out with your friends. you don't have to go out dating, just go out and have fun. who knows, you might enjoy being unattached. there are so many things to do out there.
2006-11-10 17:28:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
speak with an attorney about alimony
2006-11-10 17:11:52 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋