HONESTLY, What's your humble opinion on this??

Question

I manage a company (Well, a generous portion of it) and my boyfriend is a full time... homemaker. He takes care of the house all the time, I work 12 hour days. (all except this week, I've been SICK from my pregnancy lately..) People are so openly critical about us! First of all, yeah, not being married and living together and I'm pregnant. (Is this too uncommon, honestly?) Secondly, my working 12 hour days and he handling the house, cooking, cleaning, all that fun stuff. When the baby's born, I told everyone that he's staying home with the baby because I have to bring bread to the table. EVERYONE I know thinks it's nuts, that it's "role reversal", which is honestly bs in my eyes. What's your opinions on this? We're getting married after the child is born, it's all getting taken care of, but people are more weirded out over our role situation than with the fact of us not being married. I wanna hear your thoughts on this, ok? Please? Thanks a bundle.

Answer 1

People will always pick out the not so "normalness" of things we do and give us crap for it. Trust me, if my guy was willing to be that devoted to taking care of the kids, doing the laundry, dishes and the rest of the house work, no way in hell would i complain. It's great to come home after a Long day of work and not have to worry about doing chores on top of it. If youre making enough money to support yourself, your baby and your boyfriend, and you have absolutely no problem in doing so, then there's honestly nothing wrong with that. You'll know where your baby is, and who is taking care of it. Where as if you were both working, you'd have to worry about daycares, and both of your schedules, and both of you being exhausted at the end of the day, and chores pilling up. And as a matter of fact, i'm going to two baby showers this weekend, and both of the women are living with their boyfriends, and neither one of them have talked about getting married yet. It's not uncommon and to be frank, if you guys have it all planned out and are getting married soon and all, then thats awesome! I think what you both have is great. Alot of women probably wouldn't mind this situation. ... i just don't know if i'd want to work 12 hour days, but hey coming home to all that, i just might do it. And yes HONESTLY i think there is nothing wrong with this :)

Answer 2

I don't think it is weird at all--sometimes there is a role reversal and there is really nothing wrong with it if both partners are happy. My husband is a much better homemaker than I am even though that is my "assigned" role. If I could currently make more money than he does then I would definitely want him to stay home and take care of the house and kids. I'm going to school full-time right now in preparation for medical school with the hope that that is exactly what we'll be able to do someday--give him some time off work after years of supporting the family financially so he can stay home and do the work he does anyway (laundry, cleaning, etc.) That day is a long time away, though!

Human beings don't deal very well with change and unusual situations, if you are happy with your own situation and your boyfriend is happy with it as well, then the only problem belongs to the people who are weirded out, not you!

Answer 3

Congratulations! Well, it IS role reversal, but there's nothing wrong with that! If you do your job well, earn enough money and enjoy it, and he enjoys being at home and takes care of everything properly, I can't see the problem. However, you might feel differently once the baby is born. You might have those darned hormones well and truly kick in and you may find that you want to stay home. Have you considered that? Would you resent your man for being able to hear the first words, see the first steps etc? Have you got a back up plan for if that happens? Whatever, good luck!

Answer 4

I honestly see no problem with this. Some people are still stuck with traditional roles and haven't excepted change yet. My husband and weren't planning to marry until June of this year. I ended up getting pregnant so we married in Sep. of 2005 when I was pregnant. That really threw some people for a loop. I am also the bread winner in our family...but you know what, we're happy, I'm happy and our son is a very happy, healthy 10 month old and I wouldn't change that for the world. I think what you and your boyfriend have is a wonderful relationship and if that's what works for you, more power to you. Best of luck with the baby!

Answer 5

I don't believe there is anything wrong with this at all. Alot of couples now are doing the role reversal situation. Because it is not the norm, people tend to be skeptical and critical. The men are probably jeolous of him ( even though the majority have no clue what it means to be a good stay at home parent) , like wise, the women are probably afraid their mates will want to do the same. Neither job is easy, so it comes down to what works for your situation the best that you have both agreed upon.

Answer 6

If it works it works, why are you so bothered by what other people think? Yes people are "critical" about pregnant couples who aren't married because there is the risk that the male partner will leave, or get tired of looking at the pregnant female and go "wanering" after some nubile honey. Plus there is the question as to support of the child, especially if the guy takes off and an engagement is no guarantee that he won't. So think about it, do you really think it's smart to put yourself in a position where you might wind up having to support a baby, pay rent, plus all the bills coming if he takes off?

Answer 7

You are not the only ones doing this. Just because other people think it is weird doesn't mean it is.

But, here's my question... how does your boyfriend handle it? Is he prepared to be Mr.Mom? Are you prepared to give him the extra support and understanding that he is going to need because of the expectations and pressures that OTHER people are going to place on his side of the relationship?

I knew a couple, babysat for them when I was younger, actually, who were quite happy with that set up. She worked for the postal service and he stayed home with the two kids. On the side he fiddled with carpentry but never as a means of support... though he might've sold a few of the pieces, I am not sure. Every once and a while, they would hire either my sister or I to babysit while they went out for a night together. They never seemd to have problems with their roles and it wasn't until I was older that I began to wonder about it.

The pressures and expectations of society for people to be "normal" or to live in a "normal" way are ridiculous. There is no such thing but people have a harder time accepting other's more radical departure from expectations, than their families' numerous small ones. What that means is that you will have to deal with questions on your relationship and roles because of OTHER people's discomfort.

As long as you two are happy, it doesn't much matter what other people think. However, it also doesn't mean that they are going to stop questioning it... until seeing you in your roles becomes normal or commonplace to them (which it will for your friends and family).

Be happy.

"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds..." -Emerson

Answer 8

I actually loved reading this.... I am totally with you on this! I had a child ( a planned child ) before I got married. You know what I didnt care what others thought one bit.. and honestly it is the older generation that sees this as such a bad thing. But I was ready to have a baby and knew I wanted to marry him and didnt have the money to have a wedding I really wanted at the time. So I have a 4 month old right now, and engaged. I am getting married April of 2007. You know what! Good for you! Dont worry about what others say.. as long as your happy and want to get married when you can.. go for it! As far as him staying home - as long as your happy with it, thats great. I stay home right now and I love it. I know that he probably will love it too. As long as he is okay with staying home and can handle it. Ya know some men cant honestly. They just arnt cut out for it. Mine tells me all the time that he couldnt stay home and do all the thing I can do. But if yours is willing... AWESOME! :)

Answer 9

Ok! Forget what other people are saying! I think it is wonderful! I even saw something on the news about this and they say that stay at home dads are doing such a good job that more should do it! I see no problem on this, I dont understand why people have to be so judgemental on people that do things differently. Just because you do something different, it doesnt mean it is wrong! Keep on doing what your doing. If it works for you two then why not! Thats what I think! Please dont take to heart the negative things you are hearing from the people that are judging you negatively! Hope this helps!

Answer 10

Dont worry about what other people think. As long as you guys are happy, thats all that matters. Some good friends of mine work for a huge company and the are blessed in the fact that they are able to switch roles when wanted or needed. The mom will stay home with the kids for 6months or so and then the dad will. I think its a great opportunity for each parent and the kid.
Do what works for you guys, thats all that matters.

CONGRATS!