He cheated and I can't get it out of my head!?

Question

I am trying to move on and save our marriage but I am angry and I find myself thinking about what he did constantly. How can I just move on?

Answer 1

I definitely feel for you. Getting over a betrayal like that is one of the hardest hurdles we can face in a relationship. Let me give you some advice:

1. You won't get over this overnight. You will be angry. You have a right to be angry. I suggest you get it out of your system as best you can. Tell him how mad it makes you. He made a mistake, and he can be a big boy and take it. Do this once. Get it all out. You may have already taken this step.

2. Get counseling. It's ok to admit that you guys need a little help. Go to a professional counselor and talk out your problems. You'll both feel much better talking rationally in a controlled environment.

3. Learn to communicate. Talk about your problems. Don't yell. Don't be mean. Just talk. Talk and talk often. Love is built around communication.

4. Be realistic. Know that you cannot forgive him overnight. It takes time. You'll be angry for a while. Make sure you make an attempt, though, and make sure he knows he has to make an attempt to earn back your trust.

5. He made his mistake. If he cheats again, stop giving him new chances. Walk away. It's hard for a cheater to change their behavior, so if it becomes a pattern don't let him make a fool of you! Be in control of your own destiny.

6. Give him a break. He won't always make you happy. Don't stoop to his level and cheat. If he stays faithful, love him. If he makes strides toward improving the relationship, love him. Spend time together and communicate. It'll take time, but you'll get over this. Time heals all wounds.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

The feelings of anger are normal. When a life partner cheats on you, your whole world seems out of wack and you try to look for solutions to put it back somehow to how it was. Deep down inside you know you can never go back to what it was. What do you do at this point? You must ask youself honestly if the relationship you both shared is worth saving. Does he feel the same way? When the trust you have for someone is shattered,it takes time to build that again. Counselling is always a good first step. It seems to make people communicate better. Usually that leads to greater understanding of yourself, your partner and what you want for your future. Good Luck with it All.

Answer 3

My husband cheated 6 years ago and things are not healed because he will not accept responsiblility and do what it takes to make ammends. It takes two to make it work and you just trying to heal on you own will not work. If he is sorry, counseling for both of you may help, and church or pastoral counseling may help even more. Prayer can help you get through forgiveness, even if he is not sorry. Our society has a twisted view of sex and all it takes is looking at the magazine choices and the articles they write to see that. There is no easy answer. There is a site I will recommend called divorceasfriends.com. It talks about accepting what happened before you can move on, that our hurt comes from the denial that this happened, and wishing you could change it. That holds true in many things in life.

Peace be with you!

Answer 4

Whoa, there's a lot of good advice here for you.
I had alot of anger. I found out what "angry enough to spit" really meant. But marriage is an agreement. By his free will, he decided to marry you. You did not force him to. In the same way, you have to let him go. If you decide to forgive the error, you have to ask him seriously if he is committed to the relationship. If he is, he will never do that again. If he isn't, you have to let him go and get on with your life. You deserve better, and there are lots of loyal guys out there.

Are you worthy of someone's love? You have to know the answer is yes so deeply that it will make you weep for a month. You are so worthy, and so loved, and someone does care about you in a way that is perfect.

I turned to St Joseph and asked his help to get over the anger that was debilitating me (I couldn't move on) Three days after I started the 9 day prayer, it was answered. So yeah, I felt as if someone, even someone ethereal was listening to me and hearing me.

(Edit: er, I also was so angry before hand, that I asked the wrath of God to come down on him. The result was, the car got wrecked, and he sprained his ankle. I realized what a foolish wish that was. To wish ill upon him was to wish ill upon myself.) (I miss that car)

Answer 5

Do you think that if you cheated on him that you'll feel better? If he's open about it, ask who it was and maybe you could have a civilized conversation with that person. Confronting it will help put it out of your mind or else you might be obsessing about it for a really long time. Meeting the "other" person also helps you realize that they are just another human being who has struggles just like you.

Answer 6

This is kind of my stock answer, but go to www.marriagebuilders.com. They have some awesome info on the site and a great forum for questions like this where you can get answers from those of us who have been there.

But the short answer is that you don't just move on. You work together to heal the marriage. It takes time and you'll have a lot of hurt to deal with.

Answer 7

as time goes on it the hurt will lessen, but it's something we never forget, not ever. sometimes it is just easier to divorce them than run the risk of investing more love and time with someone who might just do it again to you. depends alot on their response to it, know that once you've been betrayed it takes time to move in a position of love and trust again, and it's most important to bring your hurt out in the open and be able to talk about it. also it's fair to say after a trust is broken that one needs to set boundaries, the boundaries are to do with u, and ot him, the boundaries are about what u will allow, and what the consequences are if he does it again to u. if one has children it is always easier to try and mend the marriage, and seek therapy, if not with both of u than go yourself, so u can make a decision.

Answer 8

It is one of the hardest things to overcome, as a man it shatters everything. And to think about forgiving is even harder. The worst part is wondering when it will happen again. Find a hobby that you like and really get into it, find time for yourself, go back to school. Go to counseling if it will help you, find yourself and enjoy yourself.

Answer 9

Go to therapy. Do couples therapy and therapy alone. If you find you dont want to save the marriage once attending counseling then leave and dont look back. Just make sure you love eachother and that its worth it. Good luck.

Answer 10

The greatest mistry of life is "we cant leave our loved once even though they did something very bad" at one moment u will get very angry but after sometime u will find u was overreacted!.
The best thing u can do is let ur husband do what ever he wants. but u stay calm and do ur rutine. one day he will realise that he is going wrong. u know, anger can give birth only to fight and fighting distroy everything.
instead of anger stay silent. silence is the biggest weapon against all odds. u will see the difference believe me the only thing is u have to keep patience.
and please try to forgive ur husband as he did'nt understand ur love.....