Is this a good poem? Critic me, tell me what to improve, tell me what was great?

Question

anger
you gave me this anger
you pinned me to the ground and
took advantage of my virginity
scarrd me, scared me
made me lonely
brother, it was you that caused it
but now i we've become close
our love is great
you moved away from our home
and now i miss you
how did it come from
ultimate hatred
to sibling love
I'll never know
but my anger for you
is now unconditional love
no matter what happens,
no matter where you are
no matter what happened in the past
you're still my brother,
your still my friend

my poems are ment to repeat things, it's supposed to add some sort of repetition in your mind, sort of like a verse in a song..

Answer 1

I like it... its good

Answer 2

I would say that this poem is definitely charged and has emotion. Lorca might say it even has "duende," but it lacks form and feels a little forced to complete. I would say, if you have a passion for poetry, consider going to a local college and enroll in some MFA (Master of Fine Arts) classes. Often, these classes will teach you correct form. You already have the passion behind the words, you just need the skill on how to choose the right words and to learn meter and form...

Please, bless the world with your passion. Continue to write and continue to improve. Once you have mastered form, you will be unstoppable!

Good luck!

Great poets that have clearly mastered form and you might choose to study are: F. Garcia Lorca, T.S. Eliot and Robert Frost

Answer 3

it's too blunt and boring.
everything in that poem can be condenced down to a very short sentence. and it wouldn't be any more boring than the poem.

if you're writing it for only your brother to read than ask yourself:
how can I open this up to tell him more than "hey look, i used to hate you, now I love you!"

if you're writing it for others to view than ask yourself:
how can I make this meaningful to anyone else?

basicly I suggest cutting the poem waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back and then expanding on that (branch out, go a little more indepth, take it from a different angle, etc.). because right now you've got a lot of lines saying the same thing.

repeating things is fine but:
a)this is not a song nor is it in song form
b)when you repeat crappy lines it just makes crappy repetition
c)when you're already not saying more than one thought in the entire poem anyway, repetition of lines or words can only hurt, not help.

Answer 4

Nope sorry... didn't like it.

I don't really know why exactly. I really think it is just boring.
It feels like it has no soul. Like it is mechanical and forced.

Sorry. I'm not being mean, I am being honest with MY OPINION.

Which is not necessarily worth anything at all to anyone but me so...

Usually, when you write, you leave some pieces of your character in the lines, hidden in the assonance and the tamber, the meter. This just makes me feel like you are reading it monotone with no feeling. I'm sure that is not how you are.

Unless you are a complete and total genius and it was Supposed to be this way to say something like without saying it.

I doubt it though. Not because I think you are incapable, but because it would have been better executed had you done it with intent.

Answer 5

As poems go it is to personal and to direct. I would label it a cry for help and could easily get your brother into trouble if you have one. You need metaphors. You need to create a picture in my mind that I interpret. My picture will not be yours but I should still get the meaning.

Hurt Great wrong, than closeness, forgiveness perplexing and then love.

Example
My life in anger was given to me by you
You stripped my innocence
You scarred me and Isolated me
My Brother
It was you that caused this
Then you moved away from home
Why now do I now miss you
My Brother

I tried to use your words as examples. Be creative with your words make them show your feelings. Try not to tell a story but to create feelings.

Answer 6

oh my, that's some dark and sad poetry.
honestly, it's not the greatest thing i've ever read. i like that it's optimistic and about forgiveness and love. i like that you're giving out your secret. however, it doesn't sound entirely convincing. i sort of get that you don't really mean what you're saying in this poem. change it around a little bit, make the sentences shorter with a quicker rhythm, or make it more childlike, more innocent sounding.
it's hard writing poetry. good luck with it!

Answer 7

lines 10-17 lost my intrest....

it sounded very direct and the wording seemed repeated.

i think you could make the language more expressive, because i dont feel the conflict in the voice of your poem. im a way it seems wishy-washy, because you go from love to contempt to love. and i dont feel those individual emotions stringing throughout the poem.

the first 9/10 lines were really great though!!

Answer 8

It is a very good poem. I like that it is head on; the complexity of it, overpowered by the simplicity of the ALL POWERFUL act of a 'woman' girl's true nature. Every girl wants to love her big brother. It represents forgiveness.

Answer 9

This is beyond a good poem. Tragedy and love is the essence of every good poem. This inflicts devastation upon the human heart. This eclipses a great poem, please write more!

Answer 10

the topic is too common..

and try to use rhetorical devices..

thnks!