Is there such a thing as marrying too young?

Question

Sometimes I love my husband, and sometimes I don't. We have been together almost five years, been married for almost 3. We have a child together and he's the first man I've been with physically, but sometimes I think I married too young. For those of you who haven't read my previous questions, he has not worked the whole time I've known him. I do almost everything around the house including the shopping, paying bills, errands, working, etc. He is more concerned with buying a video game than food sometimes. We are constantly short or late on rent and I am so sick of it. He claims he doesn't work because of "panic attacks," but sometimes I feel like it's an excuse to not work. Then he says I have a good job now anyways so what is the point of working just to pay for childcare? Still, I feel like a man should support his family no matter what. He is a big jerk when he drinks too much too. When we were first going out, I loved him no matter what, now I see his true colors...

Answer 1

I had a colleague like you --- she had two children, she worked full time, (teacher) and he did nothing. He was diagnosed with depression, took the pills sometimes, but did nothing. Her children were raised in an environment where their father never worked. He, however, ran the show. She left her job, (his decision to move) they pulled all of the $$ out of her retirement account, and moved to another state. Now they are in their 50's, she has no job security, no retirement plan, and he never helped financially......

Marriage is made up of Respect Admiration, and Passion. Two of these are gone in your relationship, maybe all three. You may wish to rethink this marriage. What a guy does for his living is his definition of who he is. Your husband is nothing -- a house husband..... not a biggie in any real man's world... In fact, a house-wife is not a big definition even to a woman anymore. So, it appears from your note, that you are doing both side of the marriage deal -- running the household, and bringing home the bacon..... not really very satisfying.... And life, after all, should be all sorts of things -- fun, sharing, raising children together, enjoying hobbies, working to inprove your professional status, adding to your education, enjoying vacation and camping together..... yadayadayada. Your note indicates none of this..... I think you already know what you really need to do.....

Answer 2

I think you need to sit down here and ask yourself what answer you are looking for. Are you hoping that someone will come along and confirm that while it is hard on you there is no way you should give up on him?

You have put many questions on here all about the same thing. You have received so may answers. You have awarded best answer to all but this one but yet you still are looking.

There is nothing wrong with that but you have a serious problem here. You have a man that is very immature that you are basically raising along with your child. How much of you is there to go around.

You are quite correct in that the man should be supporting his family. Even when the wife works there is no excuse for him not doing something. And while in between jobs the housework should all be his.

So lets run this down.

He doesn't work because he may have panic attacks. Mmmmm
He doesn't do housework because after all he is the man of the house.
He would buy video games over food for his family and no doubt spends most of his time playing them.
He drinks and when he does he is a jerk.

Well guess what he is a jerk even when he doesn’t drink...he just isn't mad or spiteful.

There is nothing magic here. As long as you let him keep doing this he will......right up until you keel over with being overworked. I guarantee you if you get sick he will try to get you out of that bed to get the housework done sooner or later.

One last thing. You are looking for an answer that doesn't exist. I’ve seen your other questions. No one is going to tell you this is okay. If they do they are of no help to you.

Right now you have a 3 year old child and a grown child.
Which one is going to end up doing their share in your house?
If you do nothing....the first one to help will be the 3 year old.

I do hope you pay attention for your own sake. No one is saying it will be easy. But is it easy now? And if you limp along like this until retirement I have some very bad news for you. You cannot live on social security now and it will only get worse.

Your future is bleak if you don't wake him up or find someone that will be your partner in life, not your child.

Answer 3

Sounds familiar. Sadly it isn't going to get any better. He honestly doesn't deserve you. And if you are the only one working how did he get beer? Hun .. you need to cut him off completely. Either pack up your kids and go to your parent's house or kick him out and keep your place, because you can obviously take care of what's yours. You have already proven to yourself that you don't need him. A husband that doesn't provide for his family doesn't deserve one and isn't a man. He is probably nickel and diming you to death as well, if you kicked him to the curb you would literally be rolling in dough. I know it's hard to leave, but you wouldn't be leaving him because you don't love him, you are just sick and tired of taking care of a grown man. You already have kids to take care of you don't need him. And if his answer to your ultimatum is he works for a couple of months and then leaves the job or gets 'fired' intentionally then .. there is your answer. Hugz hun .. hope everything goes well.

Answer 4

yes there is such a thing as marrying to young. i got married the first time at 18. i am now 44 you give up everythingparties friends dateing also being independent .and yes eventually you will see him differently because you didnt have a chance to see what is really out there.its up to you. but i say go out there and see what its really like then sit down and ask your self do i want to be here.and as far as takeing care of a family only REAL men do that. i sure as **** would not be takeing care of him.

Answer 5

Sometimes it is a mistake to get married so young, sometimes not all the time, but I'll tell you what, a man should support his family, that guy is a lazy, he should work, the responsability shouldn't be just yours

Answer 6

I don't beleive that phrase "marrying too young" If you love someone, marry them and know marriage is not a picnic. It doesn't matter if you are 18 or 28 when you marry, there are going to be arguments, disagreements and sometimes they will never get solved. I do beleive, however, in marrying too immature. Not realizing you have to work at your relationship.

Answer 7

No it don't sound like you got married to young. Sounds like you are tired of the bullshit. And you need to get rid of that sorry and poor excuse for a man. Cause one thing I'm a firm believer of is that a man only do what we women allow them to do. And if you continue to allow him to sit home that's just what he is gonna do. Please get out there's somebody out there for everybody. And they would love you and your child and treat you like the queen you are.

Answer 8

yeah, I would say you got married too early. I did the same thing with my first wife so I know how you feel. That's a very hard situation to live in. I feel for you, sweetheart.

Answer 9

I think it's time you took a good hard look at your marriage and ask yourself if this is what you really want. It doesn't sound to me like he is ever gonna change, he doesn't want to change. I think you should leave and make a life for you and your child, he seems to be happy in his life and I do not think you are . Good luck to you whatever you choose to do

Answer 10

Huh, sounds like my ex husband. Dump this loser sweetie and do it on your own(sounds like you already are) or get you a good man. Has he gone to the doctor for these "panic attacks"?
Bet not.