because I have fallen in love with my co-worker. He is married, straight, and my best friend. We work closely together.
How am I going to get over this????
2006-11-10 13:45:10 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Put on your big girl panties and get on with life
2006-11-10 13:51:30 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is it love or infatuation? Have you slept with each other? Does he love you as more than a friend?
If he is married and is not seeking a divorce to be with you, the feeling is most likely not mutual. You say he is straight, so that is something else that shows this will not work out.
Think about the fact that friendships usually last longer than relationships, and by being friends with him you will be more likely to be a part of each others lives for many years.
Write down the qualities that you like about him, and write down the qualities that you would change if you were able to. At the top of the list of what you like about him add the word gay. I know you probably didn't put much, if anything, under the list of what you don't like about him. On the list of what you do like about him, gay is the word you added first and it does not describe your friend. Look for the other qualities in someone else who is gay and attainable. Your friend, who is married and straight, is not attainable. Instead of thinking about your friend, think about the other guys out there who happen to be gay and have the same qualities that you see in him.
2006-11-10 23:06:09 · answer #2 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much as you're enjoying this on some level and it's giving you something to look forward to every day, the situation isn't going to get any better.
Your options are to get another job, or to get over the attachment. You're not going to convert a straight man--especially a married one--and even if you could lure him into an affair out of curiosity--what kind of life is that for you? Not to mention the moral issues.
This won't be easy, but you have to wean yourself off of this, just like you would a drug addiction or alcohol dependence. One day at a time.
2006-11-10 22:26:53 · answer #3 · answered by Cluny Brown 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey m e, we're in the same predicament actually, the only difference is that he's your best friend while the one I've fallen for is just a co-worker and just an acquaintance (we know each other by name) but we're not really close friends... We just talked a few times and that's about it.
Anyhoo, I know how you feel. I've had a crush on her for almost 2 years now. I kept looking at her and she noticed so she kept looking back as well. It was heaven for me when our eyes met and the gazing continued and then the smiles. Finally I mustered the courage to talk to her which was the highlight of it all. Finally found out her name and a little about her. Then in the middle of the first year, I found out she's straight and married. Then just recently (a month ago), I found out she's pregnant. Of course having a baby is always a good thing but then that means she'll be bonded with her hubby forever. Like you, I've been crying over her for the past 2 years now. Although we're not close friends, I still think about her all the time, before I go to sleep and after I wake up, even in my dreams, she's there.
m e, I know it's hard. I feel your pain and suffering. For me to remove my feelings for my crush, I have to resign from my job. However, I love my job and I just can't up and go. All I do is try to avoid her at all costs, but sometimes, it doesn't work coz we pass by the corridors sometimes and she gives me that smile, and I melt all over again. All I want is to disappear and never see her again because it hurts me so much just looking at her coz I know she can never be mine especially if she's just starting a family with her husband. She is my ideal woman, and everyday I cry for the love that will never be between us. It's sad and it's hurting me so much but it's the truth. Yeah the truth hurts very much. As soon as I learned she's pregnant, it was like a wake-up call for me and now I've been avoiding her like the plague, but it didn't work. I just told her congratulations a couple days ago when we passed by each other eventhough it hurt like sh*t. Sad yet true.
I really think you should try and look for a new job. Get away from him - far far away from him, as fast as you can even if he's your bestfriend. The longer you stay, the more you'll fall for him and we all know it's not gonna work, especially if he's straight and married and definitely committed to his wife. The best way is to get away. Believe me. It works. I had feelings for a co-worker from a previous job and I told her these feelings, she got aloof and it ruined our friendship, she didn't speak to me at all, just regarding work, she left after a year or so and my feelings just disappeared coz I didn't see her anymore. Now I remember her, but the feelings are gone. So, yeah, the best way to get over him is to not see him anymore. If he asks why you're going, just tell him you have a personal problem to deal with.
Don't let him know your feelings because your friendship will definitely go down the drain esp. if he doesn't know you're gay. Well, even if he does, still, it might ruin your friendship. If u still want to be his friend, then please go find yourself first, ie, let these feelings for him die a natural death (or find a new love interest) before going back to being friends. It will take time I know but that's how it'll work.
Be strong m e. You'll get through this someday, hopefully. Me too. Take one day at a time. Keep yourself busy tho' so as not to think abt him too much. Go out with friends, see movies, watch tv, read books, clean your house, go bowling, etc. That's what I do and it's working a little bit. Hang in there and keep the faith that everything will turn out fine. Take care of yourself and Godspeed. Hope this helped. Sorry it's kinda long... ;o)
2006-11-10 23:56:43 · answer #4 · answered by mags 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Awwwww....Damn,thats hard, truth is, there really is no easy way out of these things. The heart loves,and it falls in love even if the head tells it not to. Since you two ARE co-workers,AND best friends, it won't be easily resolvable. But matters of the heart never are. Cry if you need to, get it out, but you must realize that he IS a taken man. You have to resign yourself to that. Be friends with him...but understand that there are MANY men out there, many men in your position looking for someone just like you. Be strong, and ALWAYS keep your head up(and your eyes looking for that Mr. right)...you'll find him.
2006-11-11 01:50:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pretty much the same way you get over liking someone who does not reciprocate any time. But since you are friends, and work together, it would be wise to get some professional advice. If your company has an EAP, you may be able to see someone for free for several sessions.
And what you are calling love may be, but you are getting the brotherly love of your friendship with sexual love. One does always come with the other.
2006-11-10 23:02:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best way is to find a nice equally enjoyable gay guy who is alone & needs someone like yourself to appreciate him & share his life with. Some nice guy out there NEEDS you in his life.
do not cry for what you cannot have. Be a man about it - cause there are millions of cute straight guys out there whom you cannot have & you must not let this bother you. Otherwise you'll lose your sanity & that's not good.
Please consider my words carefully & resolve to like him as your friend - and leave it at that. If he's your best friend - that means a whole lot too - don't you agree?
email me if you need to share more of your feelings.
Best wishes
2006-11-11 00:04:06 · answer #7 · answered by blackbird 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get your mind off him & on to someone else. If you can,go out this weekend with some friends and try & spot someone else. I know you won't forget about the other guy immediately but you could find someone who you'll in time like more
2006-11-10 21:59:45 · answer #8 · answered by gitsliveon24 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a STRONG STRONG believer in you cant help who you fall in love with. However you have to understand that it might not be mutual. You could probably love this girl for the REST of your life. However, he might not even ever think about you.
You could remain to love him unconditionally as a friend.
2006-11-11 00:35:34 · answer #9 · answered by Dwayne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not true love, trust me. Most of us have gone through something similar. It takes time but it'll pass. A couple of cocktails and a good b/j and you'll be right as rain.
2006-11-10 23:44:01 · answer #10 · answered by philio8008 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is your best friend...you work closely together...he is married...
he is straight....
sounds like a bad case of lust to me...
How to get over this??...walk away...let it go....
2006-11-10 21:59:24 · answer #11 · answered by Matt Z 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋