what to write to my ex-husband in positive manner?

Question

I want to write to my ex husband for the holidays. I want to keep it upbeat, not begging, accusation or blaming. I'm still forgiving, in love with him. He has custody of our 3 yr. old son. We had tons of things happen that we did not address properly.
I'm hoping I can say something so he will see me in a new light. I know he is angry at me. He made the decision to divorce. It is he did not take the time to support me or understand while I was ill.

It is difficult for me to be creative with these words cuz I'm emotional about him. Some say don't want/love someone that treats you horrible, cruel, mean with lies. He was never that way to me.

Everytime I try to formulate sentences or questions, it comes across blah.
I wish we could-
All we needed to do-
You did not even try to-
Please see/try to understand that-
If you could only have given me time-
I want you to see the changes in me-

Can anyone think of better ways for me to express my desires?
Thank you-not a joke.

Answer 1

Honestly, what would sound best to him would be to hear you take responsibility for what you did. say things like "I know I need to work on .....", or "I understand why you are upset with me." don't beg for him back, make excuses, or place any blame, guilt, or fault on him. Own up to your part of the failed marrige. This will bring his defences down because you aren't attacking him or asking him to fix something he see's as YOUR problem. If you are getting help for things, tell him. If you aren't then look for help and tell him you are looking for it (if you need it for something). Let him know what you are doing to improve yourself.
Keep away from telling him you love him and want him back. Focus on your son, ask how he is doing and as many questions about him as you can think of to let your X know you miss being there for your child.
Instead of "I want you to see the changes in me" say something like: "I've started going to AA meeting, and it's really making me see things differently. I feel stronger now than I did before. Sure there are still hard days, but I know I can make it through them if I just keep at it." (just as example- I don't know what issues you are personally dealing with)
Hope this has been at least a little helpful. Good luck!

Answer 2

Do not try to discuss things that could have or should have been. Do not tell him that you still love him. That is something you say face to face. You must take a higher road and concede that he was right. Let him read your words and want to call you. Tell him things like:
"Now that I can step back from the situaton and see things through your eyes, I realize that I was so wrong. You made the right decision for me, yourself and our child. I know that it took a lot of strength for you to take the necessary actions. I want you to know that I have received the help I needed to overcome my problems. I would have never had the determination to get help if you had not made me see how rock bottom I had hit. Thank you for everything. I hope that someday you can forgive me and remember the good times."
Best of luck to you dear. I am glad you got the help you needed and I hope you can get your family back. If the wall is too high for your ex to overcome, then have the courage to move forward and create a new life. Everything happens for a reason.

Answer 3

"I look forward to the day that we can reclaim our friendship." Obviously they have to be your words, but I'm trying to bring out the positive. Perhaps compliments to him - is he there for your son, is he being a good father, etc.
Do you have a letter worked up? You can email me if you would like a letter edited with a positive spin.
You may tell him that you regret not being able to be there or meet his needs during your illness. (I know that he should have been supportive, but it seems like taking some of the blame can turn it from an accusation to a conversation. A solution rather than a fight.)

Answer 4

I so agree with you on your negative feelings toward Nicki,,Has she forgotten where she came from???TO look down her nose like she does toward ANYBODY besides Sharon ,,,,She talks down to everyone except her children,,Katheryn and for a time David,,,What has made her so "special '' that she can do this??? Now on Brad,,,he is a SNAKE,,and I don't care how gorgeous he is??I have hated him since he was a Abbott Poll Boy,,come on???Tracy,,that should have been a #1 clue as to what he was after!!! Heather,,,I haven't liked her since the day she has walked into Genoa City,,,WHY does she feel that Paul and everybody "owes" her,,like you said it was a decision made by April & Paul,,, I've gone from not liking Gloria ,( actualy its been a love hate feeling for her) But I am loving the Gruesome Twosome living with Jack and Sharon and have even started to let my guard down with SharHo,,,,,(she does have a funny side with Phyliss) With Amber,,,I've been a fan since she wrecked HAVOC with The Forresters and was the only one to cross Sheila AND live to tell the story,,, I went from Negative to Positive feelings with Victoria,,,just since shes been with JT have I liked her,,It seemed like she never smiled while with Brad ( which I can understand ) I like the New Colleen much better than the old one because everytime she spoke,,,it seemed to be more of a whine than speaking and again,,,,never a "happy face" All done and said,,,I Love Young & restless and have been a fan since 1974 ,,,,,

Answer 5

If you truly have changed, then he doesn't know you anymore. What I suggest is rekindling a friendship. Reminisce on the good times and the happy memories and work on creating new ones. You can't force someone to love you, remember that. Don't focus on the past and do focus on the future, whether that's with him or not. The most important thing is, you have a child together. Your child should be your number one concern.

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

What are your goals in writing to him? To rekindle a relationship? If that is the case, then I think you are heading in the wrong direction. You are divorced and you must accept that. But if you are seeking to establish a working relationship to create the best shared parenting of your child, then I think you need to say things about that. That you don't want your son to feel torn between his parents, that it would be in his best interests if you and he could communicate in a respectful, friendly manner and be able to put aside all the pain and anger of the marriage/divorce in order to be mature, responsible parents.

Answer 7

Start by wishing him a Happy Holiday and write that you hope things are going well for him and you harbor no ill feelings toward him for anything that has happened. You sincerely hope life is good to him and wish the best for him always.
All you can do then is hope he cherishes that letter and sees a change in you and wants to make contact.

Answer 8

start in a way that you would address a stranger/acquaintance. Then go into a "oh, remember that one time..." say I had so much fun that day or w/e. Then go into a "I know I hurt you and I'm sorry." dont give any excuses or reasons, thats a cop-out. dont use "you-messages" aka "you didnt" "you did" "you couldnt" intead start w/ I's. say how you feel and tell him that is how you feel. If you are still angry, write down all the things that makes you mad about it or anything and then tear it up and throw it away. it helps, promise. so, good luck and even if he doesnt take you back, realize that you've said all you could say.

Answer 9

Something Specially
For You

I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard-
I felt the answer in my heart
Although He spoke no word!
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn't mind)-
I asked Him to send you treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!
I asked that He'd be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And my friendship to share your way
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small-
But it was for His loving care
I prayed the most of all.

By: Kenny P. aka-Cobra

Answer 10

first off, stop beating yourself up about how you feel. we're all human and we all make mistakes and most of the time we feel like crap about them. it's time for you two to start being totally honest with each other. if you wish something, start off with "I wish..." just be honest with him and yourself. you two may never have the bond/love/connection that you once had, but at least you can have honesty. just sit down and write a letter, sleep on it for a night or two, and reword what sounds angry and hurtful. that's the wonderful thing about a letter, you can take things back that you didn't mean, rewrite it, and then send it. another good thing is that he won't cut you off, you'll get your feelings out and he won't be able to stop you. trust yourself and your feelings, go with what you feel, and then let things play out. maybe just keep it simple. ---Happy Holidays. I miss you, let's talk. Love you, (insert your name here).

those are just my thoughts on it. good luck.