UC Application. How have u taken advantage of the educational opportunities u have had to prepare for college?

Question

The most valuable occurrence that I have gained in high school came from my academic achievement in the educational opportunities offered. Probably one of the most important opportunity that impacted me was taking AP courses. These courses had made me develop study habits necessary for confronting rigorous course work. By taking all these AP classes,I am proving to colleges that I can push myself to the limit and that I can still maintain my commitment to academic excellence.I even went to City College over the summer to take Spanish 3 and Algebra II to take advantage of my education. I learned to be successful by doing my best in receiving my education. I started to play the piano and I was able to make my way through Jazz Band 3-8. From this experience, I learned that in order to accomplish anything it has to be done through hard work and commitment. Because of my accomplishments, I have received the AP Scholar Award and will be the 1st person in my family to go to a university.

Answer 1

I hope others don't use your wonderful response on their applications.

Answer 2

This is nice, except for a couple of minor grammatical errors. Ask one of your English/Language Arts teachers to look it over for you. The ones that stand out to me are :

"Probably one of the most important opportunity" should be "opportunities"

and

"These courses had made me" should be maybe "have made me" or even better "have allowed me to develop..."

Good Luck!