My relationship with my dad is not the greatest. He has a severe anger problem and I am afriad to be around him. I am often shy around other men and I never had a boyfriend. I'm 20 years old. Do you think my realtionship with my dad affects my bitterness and shyness around other men? Please help! Please don't be rude!
2006-11-10 11:46:16 · 20 answers · asked by ILovePizza 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
With paramount effect! Little girls are always trying to please daddy and grow up to be women still trying to please daddy.
Very often the problem is that daddy never grew up and is still
the selfish little lost boy he was when he couldn't please his parents either. The problem then is that you try to please (even
if you don't realize it) someone who isn't mature enough to be
pleased and then you have a real catch 22. The only way to
end the cycle is to have it stop with you by taking some form of
confrontation therapy, that lets you stop needing his approval so
you can lead a good life with a man who is a real man.
2006-11-10 11:59:15 · answer #1 · answered by royce r 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How could it not? For most gals, this is the first man they ever loved, and judge all other men against him, whether they are aware of it or not! Much of what they expect, put up with, and demand of a boyfriend or husband, comes out of the relationship they had (or, didn't have) with their father, and how he treated their mother.
I am sure this is directly related to you never having had a boyfriend--which is WAY not normal for a gal your age, and you are much more likely to put up with some sort of abuse from a guy in the future. You already expect them to be abusive towards you, thus your shyness. And of COURSE you are bitter...you have been victimized by the very one you should have been able to count on to protect you!
Get some therapy, before you invite the next abuser into your life, but mainly because you deserve to live a full & happy life--with a partner--and will not, unless you find a way to overcome what happened to you. If you cannot afford it yet, just start a journal of all the emotionally racking events involving Dad in your life, and cry about them, share the worst ones with a trusted girlfriend, and begin the emotional purging.
Good Luck, lol
2006-11-10 20:08:19 · answer #2 · answered by grapejuice 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes it does.I had the same type of father but mine believed in spanking me until I was a teen. I was scared of him that made me shy of men.I still have problems with relationships and I have a 18 ur old son. It will be very hard for u to find someone but when u do u need to remember that your dad has some affects on u and u need to try an over come them ..Good luck
2006-11-10 19:51:37 · answer #3 · answered by sweet_thing_kay04 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have a daughter myself, so am not speaking from personal experience, but I did have a father (of course), so in a way I am.
Yes, definitely, is the answer. Our relationship with our parents colours the rest of our lives. The good news is that you have started to understand it (by asking the question you asked) so you are on the road to dealing with it.
You are twenty now, so a grown woman. Get your father out of your head, and start meeting some nice, kind, decent, ordinary men. Your father will be the loser, not you.
2006-11-10 19:55:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely! Your dad is your biggest role model when it comes to what men are like. The fact that you are aware of this is great. When you enter into a relationship, keep your eyes open. Lots of times a woman finds men like her father and in your case, this might not be a great match. Don't settle for someone you are afraid of.
2006-11-10 22:23:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's no question that this is the case.
A girl's father is the first man she has a relationship with and her early model of what manhood looks like. That relationship can set her up for life or cause her tremendous problems.
If I were you, I'd do some serious reading about this topic and probably consider talking to an expert.
2006-11-10 19:54:04 · answer #6 · answered by Dean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Certainly it can!
Many women will naturally go for someone that's like their father. In your case, having a pretty poor relationship wiht your father, I would be very careful of what kinds of guys you attract. You may not even notice it and end up with someone with an anger problem as well.
Be careful and make sure you have good friends in your lives who will speak up if they see someone in your life treating you abusively.
2006-11-10 19:49:58 · answer #7 · answered by Yummy Canadian Mummy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I tend to think so. I met a man whom I just couldn't figure out. When I spoke to my half brother's mom about him, she was quick to point out this man has similar characteristics like my dad. That didn't sit well with me at all. I really look at men now.
2006-11-10 19:55:08 · answer #8 · answered by Mike's Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes honey is has a lot to do with it . I was extreamely close to my Dad and he was a big strong take charge no matter what kind of guy .
I've always been attracted to the big , strong men who I felt safe with . You should see my husband .
2006-11-10 19:51:35 · answer #9 · answered by Geedebb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With out a doubt, it can affect not just girls but boys as well.
I would recommend you seek counciling on this. You will need help to realize this is not your fault. Then you may be able to accomplish this.
2006-11-10 19:48:35 · answer #10 · answered by khanofali 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋