I was involved in a difficult marriage, filled with confusion, lies, threats, financial, emotional, verbal.....and THREATS of physical abuse. It used to be wonderful at one time.
There isn't enough space to tell every detail BUT I'll just say this, aggressive, rude domineering mother, meddling siblings, suspected infidelity with ex's. STALKER ex's. Financial mismanagement, while he was UNEMPLOYED and I worked TWO jobs, crime spree.....and him being sentenced to three years.
I paid for the lawyer, paid off some of the stores robbed, put money on his books, and endured TONS of verbal/emotional abuse through mail.
Well, met someone new, got along REALLY well, filed for divorce. Got to know this other someone, fell in love and am treated like a queen.
Now three years later he's home, and he DOES seem different, more mature.....like he finally GETS it now. He knows I'm involved but wants me back. I think I want him too. (The boyfriend knows) I also want the boyfriend, and love him.
2006-11-10 10:58:11 · 22 answers · asked by lilac b 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The boyfriend is good to me, loving, considerate, he WORKS, he is all about US prospering.....he is attentive, he is EVERYTHING I wish my husband was.....
But he is also his cousin.
He knows the situation, but my husband is in the dark about it. Am I supposed to give up the only GOOD relationship I've ever had, to 'follow my heart', and go back to my husband who has REPEATEDLY broken it?????
I know it's very scandalous and "Jerry Springer" like, but it is my life right now.
Oh, P.S., the cousin is SO wonderful he even told me that if I wanted to go back to my husband to try one last time......he'd wait for me. I just feel it would be so wrong, that I can't bring myself to hurt him like that.
My mom sees all sides, and can't help me with a decision. Can you?
2006-11-10 11:01:11 · update #1
My dear girl, just dump your husband for this lover of yours. he seems to me an angel who is the only one worthy of u.
you dont have to worry about what people will say, finally its your life, when u suffered, u suffered alone and if u rejoin ur hubby and suffer again, u will suffer alone. no one will come to your rescue. so, dont believe that your hubby will make life any better for u. just go for it girl. divorce ur hubby and marry ur lover. u deserve to be treated like a queen. so listen to ur heart's call and not to all the ethical questions that people may put forth. where did all those ethics go when u were abused and strangled.
good luck for a bright future with ur lover. God bless.
2006-11-11 18:26:24 · answer #1 · answered by angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, well , well, what a mess he weaved. Seems like to me he had someone who truly loved him and he lost it. I think if you go back what makes you think he has changed? Nothing is as it seems. He may soon fall into those same ways. I figure if you finally got yourself out and got lucky enough to find a man that loves you like this man do you'd be a fool to let him get away. Of course your mother is not trying to make your decisions for you. I am sure she sides with me even if she doesn't say so. To her your happy, you smile more, you seemed less stressed, you seem like the young vibrant lady she knew as a young woman. Don't feel bad you deserve what you have and then some. Of course your husband is going to seem different cause he's down on his luck and needs you more than ever. Surely, you don't expect to see that side of him until he's sure your back under his spell again. Don't trust it. Don't back track. Push forward and have a peace of mind for once. Life is to short and tomorrow is never promised to no one. Of course if your bf said he'd wait. He probably will try, but do you know how many other women out there are looking for a man like the one you have on your side now. I wouldn't chance it. I understand that you love your ex, but a lot has happened in 3 years. Girl, live your life. You've been through a lot. Good Luck and GOD BLESS!!!!! Wish I knew the out come.
2006-11-10 19:20:06 · answer #2 · answered by kryptonnite2000 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well i am not sure if this would help you or not but i was in a similar situation. My husband used and abused me. called me everything in the book. He valued the other women and the drugs more than me. I too worked 2 jobs while he was unemployed. Took care of him and his kids. I got out met someone new changed my life around.Everything was going great. Husband got word that i was involved with someone new and decided to change. begged for another chance. i wanted to believe him so i gave him one. Everything was going good for awhile but one day he reverted back to his old self. this time worse. Anyway now that you are out and found some one else and everything is going good keep it that way. Don't go back. Things may be different but they will only be temporary. Trust me i know from experience
2006-11-10 19:07:27 · answer #3 · answered by ? 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
easy answer
2's a company 3's a croud
you can't be emotionally strung up with 2 at once.
i'd say stay where you are because like you said your marriage started off fine then slowly turned into the bottomless pitts and 99% of the time it will end up just the same as the first time.
we should all learn from our own mistakes, so look back and learn.
you might end up going back with him and back how things were then you'll have to come across the man your with now treating another woman like a queen and all you could do is sit there saying to your self "that should be me"
2006-11-10 19:10:16 · answer #4 · answered by omissy2005 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he has changed, but have all of the other unsavory factors changed also, like the siblings, mother, etc.? If you are being treated like a queen now, how would going back to the other guy improve that? It could just be a "familiarity" thing with the ex. I'd stay away, and make the best of it with the guy I have now.
2006-11-10 19:03:39 · answer #5 · answered by Eric B 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Choose the boyfriend - the ex hubby could always go back to his old ways down the road. Move on once and for all to a new and better life.
2006-11-10 19:07:59 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow and you would consider going back to your ex after all that?? Seriously consider all aspects if your thinking of going back to him..people can change but some only change to get what they want then they go back to there old ways again..I think i 'd rather be treated like a queen then like a dog..But not my life, follow your heart, and or gut feelings..I wish you the best of luck sweetie
2006-11-10 20:14:14 · answer #7 · answered by Shem 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you need to find out who you really are? verbal & physical abuse doesnt seem to be the answer to nothing but jail,hospital,or the grave........you need to stick it out with the man your with now sounds like he wants to be treated like the king that he is which is why he treats you like the queen you should have been with your husband........well my grandma said that its ok if you let a dog bite you once, but if you allow the same dog to bite you twice then you are indeed a fool for love........ask yourself why did you divorce him? why did you marry him?.most men when they first get out of prison yea they want to do right, but they dont always do right, allow his change to be with someone else not you dont go backwards in life do you keep moving forward, maybe your ex will be a better man from his experince with you with someone else just be friend & dont cross the lines gl
2006-11-10 19:07:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think no matter what that they always revert back to who they were. if u have someone who has treatd u fairly why go back to this, why cheat yourself out of happiness for someone that seems different now. why trust him again. seems like they always go back to who they always were. sure he is on his best behavior now, just wait till the boyfriend is no longer in the picture, and see how he acts then. we sometimes need to look ahead in life, and not behind us, if we look behind us, that will be our future, and don't believe the boyfriend will always be there waiting, your just kidding yourself there. all this has happened and still u want him back, and what if u find out after you take him back that he hasn't changed a bit, then what?
2006-11-10 19:16:58 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Reminds me of the song " Are you going to stay with the one who loves you, or are you going back to the one you love?"
Seems you never got over your ex and if you're contemplating going back for more of the same, then you need counseling. Why would you do that? Now that he's on his own, let him fend for himself, don't give him the easy route. You need proof that he has really changed, which takes time, if you are ever going to go back to him. In the meantime, I think in the name of fairness you should let the boyfriend go too, it doesn't seem that you love him.
Good luck.
2006-11-10 20:19:41 · answer #10 · answered by yolkyolk 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋