ok. please. i need serious answers only. i just found out that my friend was raped by her father a number of times when she was younger. she is my best friend and i cant belive he did this to her. she was never physicaly hurt but she has been with her boyfriend for 2 years and is scared to have sex with him. she doesnt live with her parents anymore and her mom doesnt know about any of this. whats the right thing for me to do? stay out of this? go to the cops and get that asshole in prision, what? someone, anyone i need advice. ive never been in this situation before. he hasnt touched her for about 4 years, is it too late to do anything? she never told anyone except me a few days ago.
can anyone speak from personal experience and tell me what you would want your friend to do if you told her.
* my boyfriend had to have had a reason to tell me right. why wouldnt she tell me all these years and then
2006-11-10 10:42:24 · 7 answers · asked by bar22bie 2 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
Someone very close to me has had this happen to her, a relative actually although not a sister. It is up to her on whether or not she is wanting to or ready to get help. It would not be wise of you to seek retribution for her father's actions. It has to be her decision, possibly with the help of a counselor if need be. And she may never seek retribution. She may just want to heal and get on with her life. It is very hard to prove something so many years after the crime took place. Immediately afterward would have been better, but most cases of family incest do not get reported until years later. Then it's a case of he said she said. Even hypnotizing has been discredited in some of these cases.
If you want to help her and she seems to want your help, talk to her about professional counseling. It's the best way to go.
2006-11-10 10:49:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. First, you have to be absolutely sure that her father did, in fact, rape her. You say that he did it, but how do you really know?
If it's because your friend said it happened, well ... hate to tell you this but, just because she said it happened, doesn't necessarily mean it's true.
Contrary to somewhat popular opinion, the concept of "innocent until proven guilty" also applies to rape. Just make sure that you KNOW for a fact that it happened.
Second, even if he did do it, there are statutes of limitations to consider.
If he's charged with a crime at her urging (or yours) and he beats the rap, it could cause further problems -- he might even seek some sort of dire retribution against her or you. I'm not trying to scare you or anything -- but it's something to think about.
2006-11-11 05:35:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a social worker perspective you friend sounds as if she needs an advocate (someone to speak on her behalf ). As her friend your role is to support her and be there for her , It is advisable not to get involved . The advocate can be reached through a youth service and they would investigate the situation for her .It isn't to late to do anything and its good she has come out in the open with the issue . The youth service has counselors and stuff to help her to come to terms with what has happened and help her to move forward . the best advice for what you can do as her friend is to be there and ,listen and console her if needs be , sometimes just talking helps and feeling listened to.
2006-11-10 19:43:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Check the statute of limitations in your state.
By the way, your friend has to be the one to file charges. I may be wrong but depending on the law you might be able to report the crime against a juvinile.
And get her some help to deal with things.
2006-11-10 18:46:32 · answer #4 · answered by Smurfetta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to go to the police and get that bastard put away it dont matter if he ain't done it for 4 years the fact is he's done it. your her friend why do u think she told u she's crying out for help. she might seem like she's alrite but trust me she's not she would probley do anything to see him go to jail for what he's done and im sure u would to, so do the right thing and GO TO THE POLICE if he's done it once he could do it to someone eles, your friend will thank u later on in like
2006-11-10 18:54:03 · answer #5 · answered by badboy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to convince her that bringing this to light and confronting her father. In addition to him being brought to justice, will help her heal mentally and will allow her to have healthy relationship with her boyfriend. No matter what she thinks without the proper steps and help she will always identify her abuse with any sexual encounters she has.
Back to her father and mother, he has to be brought to justice, obviously when this happens mom will know about it as well.
2006-11-10 19:39:41 · answer #6 · answered by rafael r 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You gotta convince her that she needs to tell her mom...her mother needs to know she is married to a criminal...she will need alot of support and patience, but you need to make HER tell. I fyou tell she will feel that you betrayed her,and she will not rust you again. Good luck and remember to be patient.
2006-11-10 18:46:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋