porn an excuse?

Question

When i ask about my husband looking at porn and how much it bothers me..people respond by saying..."at least he's not cheating on you" "at least this and that" so is porn an excuse for husbands not to cheat...meaning..if there was no porn men would cheat?...i have been married with my husband about 3months...he looks at porn and it bothers me...soo much to the point that i get depressed and angry...so should i be thankful that my husband looks at porn and doesn't go out and cheat on me?...what should i do to not feel so bad about myself and look at myself differently in the mirrow...?

Answer 1

I do not think your husband should look at it if it bothers you my husband and I went through this A few months ago and we really faught about it but in the end we came to a agreement he does not look at it unless we do it together ,because I felt like he was cheating on me when he done it behind my back and I told him how much i was hurt by him doing it behind my back I totally think you should tell your husband not to look any more

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Why should you feel bad? Why should you look at YOURSELF differently in the mirror or anywhere else for that matter? What your husband is doing goes against what you think he should be doing. The fact that you are talking to everyone else but him about it, shows you may have some issues yourself. Such as taking the bull by the horns and sitting hubby down and saying what you feel. He may not change his activities, but he might. How will you know? By telling him how you feel, maybe you can reach a compromise? You mean to tell us you have been married for only 3 months and he is doing this? Is everything with you two in the bedroom okay? Seems a little soon to be popping in porn tapes to me. And you didn't know he had this habit BEFORE you said "Yes I do"? I find that hard to believe. Something doesn't add up here. Please elaborate so that you can get better advice to actually help you! Good luck!

Answer 4

I feel exactly the same way you do. Porn is an addiction just like being an alcoholic or a drug addict, and it's every bit as dangerous. My X husband had a huge problem with porn and I know what you're talking about when you say you're self esteem is in the tank and you are unhappy and angry. I used to tell him that I would never look like a porn star and even if I did I would certainly never act like one. He would tell me I was being stupid and it had no reflection on me.

The truth of the matter is, it is a reflection on not only you but women in general. It is disrespectful and degrading to women. We are looked at more like sexual objects rather than bright intelligent individuals.

You need to have a very serious heart to hear with your husband and I would suggest getting him counceling. The big thing these days is to say it's "normal, healthy" blah bah blah. The bottom line is, it's an addiction. Respect yourself enough to realize you are important and he has a problem and respect him to by not patronizing him or yelling and screaming.

Good luck to you honey, I know you'll work it out.

Answer 5

Porn is not an excuse. You husband has an addiction just like a drug. It affects his brain and it affects him physically. He has another lover too. He is unhappy and unsatisfied with reality so he enters into a fantasy world and is angry when you intrude. The use of porn for gratification is a false solution and it is a substitue for genuine intimacy. Your husband has trouble being honest with others and himself so he turns to porn to meet his needs of insecurity. Viewing porn and finding satisfaction through porn is totally selfish. He is thinking only of himself and denying his need to attend to you emotionally and physically. If it wasn't an issue for him, he wouldn't get angry. Anger is always the result of a blocked goal. His goal is to satisfy himself apart from you. Don't be satisfied that he doesn't go out and cheat when he is living with you and cheating right under your nose. Don't feel bad, because you haven't done anything wrong. You are likely feeling like you aren't satisfying your husband, which isn't the case at all. Your husband has an addiction that no human being can satisfy. He feels small and porn gives him a temporary sense of power, followed by a deeper sense of inferiority. His addiction has nothing to do with how you look in the mirror. The way he responds to you has caused you to doubt yourself and blame yourself and feel guilty when the problem lies with your husband. He is deceiving you and carrying on an affair with multiple women, perhaps teens and children?

I recommend you go to the library and get the book "In the Shadow of the Net" Porn is an addiction that has destoryed many marriages and many lives. Tell your husband that you won't tolerate his use of porn in the home and get rid of the computer. Tell him to attend SAA meetings and get help or you have serious problems ahead of you. Porn is an addiction that grows in it's need to be satisfied. It starts with magazines, then internet, then more and more subversive activity. Get the book and be straight with your husband...he needs help and he IS having an affair....he has another lover besides you and it's called porn. He is trying to satisfy the emptyness of his life with porn and he didn't start looking at it last week. He's been looking at porn long before you got married and all through the time before you were married. You don't have a complete man, don't think that it's a refection on you, that's one of the lies that an addict will try to propagate. He will try to diminish his addiction or blame you because he thinks he can't stop or he doesn't want to stop. The addiction is totally selfish and he doesn't want you intruding in his fantasy.....it's time to INTRUDE and DEMAND that he stop or you need to find a husband who can give all himself to you. Be strong and courageous.....

Answer 6

Porn is easily attainable via the Internet.
What he does on his time is his business. He shouldn't be looking when your around or when there are important things to be doing, cutting out time from television ,golf, fishing . hunting and or playing cards isn't such a bad thing. A little looking is natural curiosity and too much of any thing isn't a good thing. If he is acting different towards you , saying things ,asking for more from you than you are willing to give then that there is a problem that needs to be addressed. Men want some excitement and some variety many marriages go stale from boredom and a women that doesn't want to play. Or holds back and uses sex as a reward.

Answer 7

First you have to realize you are much more than those women in the videos. You are real. Those women are doing their jobs...Just as those people who ask you if you want fries with your Big Mac. You husband uses porn as a release. Sometimes it is just that they want to get off or that the timing is off and you are unavailable. (My husbands words, exactly) Men cheat even if they have porn.

Answer 8

1) You cannot compare yourself to the touched-up images in magazines. What you see is a fantasy as even those women don't look like that in person.

2) He's definately hetrosexual. Be thankful for that.

3) If it bothers you then you have to talk about it with him. Is it worth getting a divorce?

4) Take advantage of him getting turned on and get a little. Then everytime he looks at porn he will be thinking about and expecting some fun with you.

Answer 9

I'm laughing right now because this is one of the reasons i don't sleep with my boyfriend anymore. I figure if he'd rather look at porn than be with me, then go for it, but don't try to get with me. It may not be cheating, but it's disrespecting you if it bothers you and he knows it. My boyfriend has a myspace account too in which he hits up women all the time with "whatsup babygirl.." hoping to get a conversation started. Until I changed his profile and put that he was in a relationship, it said single. so obviously he doesn't give a crap about me, and as a result, I don't care to give him none. All i tell him is that i'm praying for him and that karma is a mtf. May God bless him and your man too.

Answer 10

marriage is a compromise right? why is it that the man is always the one giving things up? he has already given up having sex with other women. Men like to see naked women, if we didn't we'd be gay. we also like a variety. He loves you and only you. but as sexy and beautiful as you are, you are not the only sexy woman in the world. try to compromise a little and allow him to look at porn for x amount of time a week, or allow him to view only porn where "normal" sexual acts are depicted (that way he doesn't get any crazy ideas about what you will and won't do) or something of that nature. Just remember that he loves you and only you and he thinks you are beautiful.