ok here it is long story short would you trust a man who cheated on his wife(said she drove him to it)then left wife for gf.cheated on gf(said it was none of her business and that he never told her he was just seeing her) with my sister.now he wants to marry my sister and i'm just afraid he will do the same things to her.he seems like a really great guy hard worker and a super dad.i do know his ex wife and she is a nasty thing.can a man who cheated twice change? this is my sisters 1st real love and she thinks he is prince charming.
2006-11-10 10:13:45 · 20 answers · asked by chirryd05 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Trust your instincts. Prepare yourself for the day his nature repeats itself.
Be wise. Support your sister in what she wants in her life and avoid projecting your fears to her.
Keep your concerns to yourself. Leopards can change their spots.
2006-11-11 10:51:08 · answer #1 · answered by tillermantony 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a real dilemma. The only way you can judge the probability that something will occur again is by past behaviour. However, the way a person behaves with one person isn't necessarily the way they will behave with another person. Each person acts and reacts to the person or people they are with accordingly.
He might have grown and learned from his past relationships for this not to be a problem with your sister. Or it could have been that he and his previous wife and girlfriend were such horrible matches, and him and your sister are a really good one.
Quite frankly, though, I personally have never cheated on a woman I've been with. If something is wrong then work it out with the person if possible. If you want out of a relationship then you should leave or the other should leave, but you don't bring someone else into it.
2006-11-10 18:31:08 · answer #2 · answered by marklemoore 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My 1st thought in reading this is that everyone has a weakness and it sounds like his may be women! I tend to take issue with anyone focusing on the other party in situations where they got caught carrying the smoking gun! Whatever his ex-wife was or was not, I'm sure he knew it BEFORE he married her, so that does not justify his actions.
In the 2nd incident, it sounds like he is lying and being arrogant; men who like multiple women are not really stressed about getting caught in bf/gf relationships, because in the back of their heads "they aren't married", so they don't HAVE to be faithful.
As for your sister, all you can do is be hopeful that she is walking into this thing WITHOUT rose colored glasses on;it can be dangerous seeing what you want to see when you want to be in love, be married etc. Not that he can't change, but to change, you 1st have to acknowledge you have a problem (which he did not do in either situation) and you have to want to change.
Bottom line, pray for your sister, don't OVER involve yourself, because you don't want to make your sis your enemy and keep your eyes on buddy from a distance lol.
2006-11-10 18:30:14 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Albritton 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I would not trust any man who cheated on his wife and broke his vows. If his ex was so bad, he could have done the right thing and filed for divorce-- instead he chose to satisfy his own sexual needs by lying and cheating. Then he did it again with another woman. Your sister knows he's a lying cheater, so she won't be surprised when he does it to her too.
2006-11-10 18:20:47 · answer #4 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anything is always possible. Its possible that his wife did drive him to it with the wrong girl. Maybe your sister is the one true love for him that will clip his wings. The only thing that scares me here is whats going to happen when their marriage hits a rough spot or he gets tired of just plain being married? But if your sister doesnt take a chance, then she will have regrets forever, but if she knows allof this upfront and goes on with him,then shes accepting him for him and knows the consequences of what could happen
2006-11-10 18:24:30 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should date him for a really long time, then get engaged for another extended period, and watch him like a hawk the whole time. At the first sign of him straying, if he does, she needs to get out. People can, and DO change, but that is the exception and not the rule. I wish her the best! If I were to bet, 2 ladies weren't wrong....watch him!!
2006-11-10 18:19:54 · answer #6 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheater always a cheater. He will only cheat on your sister like he's cheated on everyone else. Sorry but thats the cold hard truth.
2006-11-10 18:18:40 · answer #7 · answered by *Cara* 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is a hard one to call, but he doesn't exactly have a good track record. I don't know the time frame for all of this, but i would definitely suggest that if your sister wants to marry him, that she makes it an extra long engagement. Eventually the truth will surface. If he has reformed, time will tell... but time will also tell if he's still sneaking around.
2006-11-10 18:18:26 · answer #8 · answered by jae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, he says his wife drove him to cheat. That's a load of crap. It was his choice to cheat and his alone. If he was not happy with his marriage, then he should have ended it first.
Second of all, if he had no committment with the girlfriend and they were just dating, then seeing someone else is not cheating on her.
Third, he and your sister may very well be happy together, it's not really your business, it's her choice.
2006-11-10 18:16:43 · answer #9 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This sister thing is bullshit and to say you are worried is more bullshit. I have a sister who went with my boyfriends and yes I love her as a friend but I sure as hell wouln't trust her again, I have to tell you girl her boyfriend or husband probably fancied you, sounds like jeolosy on her part and she's welcome to him don't you think? You have got to be better than this. The hurt will pass.
2006-11-10 18:33:28 · answer #10 · answered by susan r 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋