My husband looks at porn & denies it, it bothers me to the point that i get so mad at him, what should i do?

Question

I admit that i have looked in the history and have been a little snoopy but i hate that he denies it..and i ask him if he wants to look with me and says no because i'm uncomfortable with it, i admit i am uncomfortable with it but i want us to share our likes and dislikes who knows maybe i might like it too..perhaps its my fault cuz i have confronted him about the situation and how horrible it makes me feel..so then he tells me he's not going to do it anymore but he continues to when i'm not around..is it normal that i feel this way?..should i just let it go?..or keep comfronting him?

Answer 1

I just had this conversation with my husband last night. It's not usually a big issue for me, well, not too big, but definitely an issue. But we just got married and there was tension about the bachelor party where he promised no strippers, well you can guess the rest. I got very sensitive about naked chicks and started checking around. I know exactly where to look and it's not difficult to find at all. But when I left to go drop my son off at basketball, came home and had to relog into Yahoo I knew he was looking at porn and checked it out. I was upset cuz I wasn't even out of the house 15 minutes and he knew I was coming home. I felt like he was waiting for me to leave so he could go on those sites. When I confronted him about it I he absolutely lied to my face and told me he wasn't. Well, I'm honestly not going to tell him how I know but when I sputtered out a couple of the downloads names, he knew that I knew.

I understand where you are coming from, more then anyone of these people that tell you to get over it, or to confront him over and over. I'm not interested in watching it with him, I'm interested in being that w-hore for him. I want to be the dirty girl for him, as well as his wife and the one he makes love to. I explained this to him last night. I also explained that it really irked me that in the short period of time that I was gone he was looking at naked chicks and that makes me insecure. That it makes me feel like I'm not satisifying him enough. He told me that one has nothing to do with the other, that his looking at porn has nothing to do with our sex life (I'm still trying to figure that one out) that it's a very private thing. I know he's not going to give it up anytime soon, or ever for that matter. Having him is more important that not having him to me.

Hopefully your husband will be more willing to talk in a couple of months. Talks like that can be difficult for both parties involved and a little at a time is better then all at once.

Answer 2

Ah the porn situation. Most couples go through it. Well I have a number of insightful viewpoints and potential solutions for you.

Let's start off by looking at the bright side, shall we? First of all, it is only porn. It may sound like I'm making it seem like not a big deal, but when you think about it, it's not. Be glad that he isn't looking at gay porn or cheating on you. Both could be REALLY worrysome. It's a simple fact that guys look at porn, married or not. This doesn't mean that he is losing any interest in you or anything, but sometimes it is just something guys do. Second, he really is trying not to hurt you. It is bad that he lied to you, but you know he did it out of his love for you.

Ok, so solution time. My first solution I got from you where you said "maybe i might like it too." My compliments to you first of all for having such an open mind! You are truely a great wife. So why not go to an adult store, rent a movie and suprise him. Make porn something that he doesn't have to use as a dirty secret and make it something you two can enjoy together. Watch it and incorporate it into your sex life. You can both get aroused by it or roleplay and fantasize after or during it. Maybe you can both get some good tips on how to pleasure each other!

Second, I get this from an episode of Sex in the City. You can get him a magazine and put your pictures on the bodies or something. If he HAS to look at it, at least you can be a part of it.

Porn doesn't have to be a problem in marriage, but secrecy can be. If you show an open mind and true caring about him (like you are) then I'm sure he will quit being so secretive. I wish you all the best and I'm really proud of you for acting the way you have!

Answer 3

I'm sorry for your confusion. It's just something that all of us guys do. Some more than others. However, it doesn't mean (at all) that we love our spouses any less (it might, but that would be a different story). That you found out he's watching porn isn't as concerning as him lieing to you about it. Perhaps he was just embarassed when you confronted him. You also mentino that you asked hi if he wanted you to join and he said no... that's an admission that he does it. So I guess the lieing about it was embarassment afterall.

If there's nothing more to this story, I could only advise that you are both from different planets. Venus and Mars. I don't know if you're ever going to successfully stop him from doing this. And if youdo, will he subconsiously resent you for it? If it's not going to hurt your marriage (only you can answer that), why not let him have his alone time.

Here's another plus... you know about the porn, you should be able to view it. This is give you a REAL insight into what it is that turns him on.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

I think he denies it because he is worried about hurting you or disappointing you. He may not want you to feel threatened by what he likes. you don't say how long you have been together but every one's sexual likes and dislike can change from time to time. Everyone has their fantasies and those fantasies don't always mean that they want them to be full filled. I think that the key to this is talking it through. explain your likes & dislike and concerns, ask him for his. maybe you both will find out something that will make your sex life that much better. Not talking about it will put a wedge between you both and that is not what you want to happen. If he is not spending money to look at this porn, and he is not looking at anything that would be criminal, such as underage models; then I think you should tell him you are ok with it. and let him do it. Men can be a lot like children, the more you tell them no, the more they want it, and when you give in, the temptation is gone so its no longer wanted. remember.... always be true to yourself after all you are the only one you have to live with for the rest of your life.

Answer 6

Which is it that bothers you the most? That he is looking at the porn or denies that he is doing so? you must first know how you feel about him doing this. If you are bothered by the porn then let him know. If you are ok with him looking at porn then you can let him know that he doesn't have to lie to you. I'm told that this is a visual thing for some men and not a real big dael,but then again if his looking at porn is making you feel uncomfortable then he needs to respect your feelings on this and not lie to you about it.

Answer 7

It's normal. Guys are visual in their fantasies whereas women fantasize more in thier imagination, hence romance novels.

The question here is why are you so upset about him looking at porn? Why does this hurt you? In most cases this has to do with insecurity. This is what you have to work on, not beating him up over doing something that is harmless. This really is your issue, not his.

Not that said, he should respect the fact that it makes you uncomfortable, but it's also not fair for you to tell him what he can and can't do just because you get jealous over it.

Answer 8

Because he senses you are uncomfortable with it he WILL continue to deny it, at least give him credit he doesn't want to hurt you. And, by the way it has NOTHING to do with any shortcomings you think you have.

On your own see if you can ever get comfortable with it. Do you have any friends you could do this with? Depending on your upbringing you may find it very uneasy at first, maybe you'll never like it--who knows? Or, perhaps announce to him one day you would really like to try it with him letting him know he should "take it easy" since you are a "beginner"

If after all this you truly do not want to participate he will have a better understanding of you and you of him but if not addressed this will fester and become a hideous sore spot in your relationship.

Answer 9

Y9u Porn

Answer 10

My husband does the same thing. I finally agreed to watching a porno with him. guess what... he brings home all girl porn! Why the f*** would I want to watch all girl porn? That was the last time he tried to watch porn in my house, that I know of. I was pretty upset when I found his porn, but I have to admit, he could be doing worse. He could be cheating on me. He works hard, comes home to me, and actually helps out around the house. So, I think I would be ok with him watching porn. Next time I find it, or catch him I probably wont say anything. He’s a good guy, just young and a little immature still. I love him so much.

Answer 11

There are a few options.

1. Pretend you believe him
2. Endless guilt trips if he's Christian
3. Act really angry...all the time... until it consumes you

Here is the smart option accoing to Erad.

Become a porn addict yourself. Deny it. Everytime he comes around the corner, start rapidly closing menus and acting like you are buttoning your pants... if he asks, say your stomach hurts and your pants were too tight. Even if you are just playing around on Yahoo, visit free "subscribe to our porn, check out the samples" sites in other windows, crank up that Internet History, and whenever it asks to download the plugins, DO SO.

Remember to deny it constantly, and use his computer as often as possible.

Whenever the word "porn" is mentions, clam up and act really guilty.

Even though it's fabricated, you still have something in common... you'll both be closet porn addicts... which paves the way to become dirty sex addicts... which is bunches of fun.

Or, you could keep nagging at him until porn doesn't do it for him as well as strip clubs and coked out hookers.

(Short version: Let him catch you watching it, if he gives you guff... tell him that you don't have a problem with him doing it, you just have a problem with him lying to you about it and denying you the fun you signed up for on the marriage license)