Is pregnancy even an option right now?

Question

My fiancé and I have been together a year, I have graduated high school a year early, both of us hold down steady jobs and I have decided to wait to attend college. I have always been way ahead of my time and now my fiancé and I would like to have a baby. The catch... I’m only 17. Please leave respectful answers, I just need some input.

Answer 1

I am 29 years old and just had my first child with my 34 year old wife. Having had severe depression for the last decade I have often felt hopeless, sometimes dangerously so. However, every time I look at my son in the eyes and he smiles at me I know that I would never do anything to hurt myself. He is such a miracle and I love him so much. Bringing a new life into the world is a powerful event. If you love your fiance and know that he will support you and stand by your side no matter what, this power will manifest itself in the form of love, compassion, hope, and a new beginning for both of you. However, working for the department of health in a WIC clinic I see many cases of this event causing tremendous pain and suffering when the bond between mother and father is not sound. This BOND is the most important factor in determining if you are ready to create a new life. It will give you strength to get through the toughest times and true appreciation of the better things in life. There is something miraculous about 3 people loving each other unconditionally. It seems you have it all together. Forget about 17. It's just a number. Ask yourself if you are willing to and capable of doing anything and everything for BOTH your fiance and your baby. If the answer is yes I pray your little miracle brings you all the joy and satisfaction that my son has given me. God bless!

Answer 2

Well, first you have to do what any responsible couple does before trying to conceive: figure out how to pay for a child.

I understand that you both hold down steady jobs, but will you continue working after the baby is born? If not, is your fiance's salary enough to support everyone? If so, who will care for the baby and how much of your salary will go to babysitting?

Other than that, do some research into how much things cost. Diapers, formula, doctors, new furniture like cribs and changing tables, etc. Add it all up. Can you afford it?

I say all this because that it what people will ask. Figure it out now; it's much easier than waiting until after you have the child. And it will prove how responsible and planned everything is to those who will tell you to wait until you're older.

Really, since you're so young, I would say get married either before the baby is born, or as soon as you start trying to conceive. So many people will say things like "He'll leave you" and "You won't make it", and being married will prove that you're committed to having a family together.

Once you prove all that, there's really no argument as to why you shouldn't. Except "You're too young". Well, people used to have babies at 17 all the time. If you're mature enough to plan all that out and show how responsible you are, I think you're mature enough to have a baby. End of story. Nobody else can tell you not to.

Answer 3

I understand what you're feeling, I was the same way. I graduated early, and was attending UCLA when I was 16 for economics. I'm now 22, with a 13 month old son, and it is the best thing in the world. My hubby and I are so happy and steady. However, I would say go to school first. I am attending night classes now for early childhood education, and it is so hard to study with the baby. I am a stay at home mommy, and it's just really hard to get all of my work done. Also, wait untill you're married. I think that your kid would love to look at pictures of mommy and daddy's wedding day, without him/her in it, and without you being pregnant. It shows them that you and your hubby had a connection before they were born, and makes them feel more secure. Your world can change in an instant at this age, and you never know what is around the corner. If you're destined to be a young mom, you will be. Just make sure it's not too young...

Answer 4

Hi,
This is entirely up to you and your fiance. I had my first at 20, just had my third and final and am (hopefully) going back to uni next year. Some people wait until their 30s and 40s. Truth is, no-one is ever really 'prepared' for children, so do it when the time is right for you, and you feel you can provide all the love, care and support a totally dependent baby needs. Don't let anyone tell you you're too young, either, good mothering depends on the person, not the age. However, you need to think about how having a baby may affect any plans you have for your life right now. That being said, even if you had a baby at the 'wrong' time, it's not likely you would change them for the world ;-)

Answer 5

Wait! Save money, get some experience in the world and enjoy some time together. Also, get married first! It's so dumb, and horrible, but it kinda hurts how people look down on an unwed pregnant woman. My first daughter was born before I was married, and it was just kind of hurtful to hear things and the way people looked. I am not saying wait till your 30! I am only 21, but just wait until about 20-21. You will be MUCH better equipped and doesn't seem like it, but the couple years of being on your own will do wonders for your life experience. I am glad you have a head on your shoulders though, and I pray you make the right desicion. Good Luck! OH and DO NOT wait to go to college. I am trying to go now, and working your schedule around day care, work and trying to balace enough time for hubby, work, school, and most important....baby. It's the HARDEST thing I have ever done. That is the one thing I wish I would have done is gone right away. PLEASE do not put it off!

Answer 6

Like many others here I agree you do sound mature for your age. My sister was very mature for her age at 17 she had her head on straight more then I did at that age. She ended up getting pregnant with a guy she thought she would spend the rest of her life with. They got married after the father of her baby turned 18. Even though he treated her nice before marriage things changed after that. He became abusive and then cheated on her they ended up getting a divorce. Now her child goes back and forth and believe me his second wife is will just say I don't want to get reported. I'm not saying your fiance will change I'm just saying that give it some more time. I know you don't want to hear WAIT but I encourage you to do so. I know you also don't want to hear wait till your married but statistically speaking that is the best. Now you said that you both have steady jobs stop and take a look at them more closely do they leave room to advance up. Do they provide health ins.? (since a lot of compnies are dropping that from their benefit plan) Would they really allow you to raise a child? Or would someone else be raising them for you? Like others have said look at the real cost of having a baby. My baby goes through over 200 diapers a month. If you have a club card like costco or Sams that runs over $30 a month if you don't it's quite a bit more. If you plan to breastfeed is there somewhere where you can pump. If you plan to use formula that is another big expense for us it's over 30 maybe more like $60 a month. There is a lot to think about. If after doing all this and really talking it over w/ your fiance get married and have fun bd (baby dancing)

Answer 7

I would at least wait until after your married and spend some time together, just the two of you. I think couples especially only being together for one year need time to discover one another. It's very important before bringing in another family member (a child) it's a huge commitment!! You should enjoy being young for a while longer. I had my son when i was 18 and although he's my life it's a struggle at times knowing we can't hang out with the rest of our friends and just have fun just the two of us. It's not really about your age it's more about your relationship. I would take it slow and enjoy it until you bring a child into the mix.

Answer 8

I would wait. You sound pretty responsible and like you have a good head on your shoulders, but you really want to enjoy all that alone time together. You have lots and lots of time to have a child. My husband and I waited almost 3 years to have one (she is due in Feb.), we got married when I was 20. I also feel that you should be married, but that is really just an opinion..... lots of unmarried people raise intelligent, stable kiddos. You are planning to get married anyway.

Answer 9

Go ahead and do what you want. You do seem mature for your age. Since both you and your fiance both hold jobs you are probably financially ready also. If this is what you both want go for it. Dont listen to the people who say you need to be married I hate that. You dont need to be married to have children you have sex. Even if he didnt stick around which im sure he will you are capable of taking care of a baby yourself. GO FOR IT!!!!

Answer 10

I would wait. It totally changes your life. Enjoy some time with your fiance together and build a strong bond, afterall there is no rush for you to have children you have many years of fertility left to have as many children as you wish.

I am glad that I waited. I too got engaged at 17 and I had my firsts baby 8 months ago. It is very hard.