Our first four years of marriage were good. My husband then became a partner at an accounting firm. He then began to work long hours and on weekends. We stopped going out. I began to go out with female friends rather than mope around the house. I began to drink a lot at night after everyone was in bed. My husband moved out about 7 months ago, saying that it was because of my drinking.
Two weeks after he left, accepting the full responsibility for my issue and addressing it, I started counseling and AA, I have not had a drink since other than near beer. Meanwhile, he became involved with a woman we both know and some other woman that he met somewhere. They split up about a month ago. He wants us to try to get back together. He says that he still loves me and the kids and wants to try to be a family again, including counseling. Your thoughts?
2006-11-10 08:40:30 · 16 answers · asked by terry g 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There's really not much more ot this other than 'do you want to get back together with him'? You both got sidetracked, but if you both want to give it another shot; why not?
2006-11-10 08:43:02 · answer #1 · answered by Olivia B 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
How did you feel when he moved out? Is that why you started going to AA?
You do not mention whether you have children or not, or how they have been affected by this separation and in the past by your drinking.
If both of you still love each other, then you owe it to each other to try again. This time, you both know the pitfalls to look out for and hopefully things will go better and you can communicate better when a problem crops up. But, it is going to take alot of give and take to make this marriage work, and it has to be done equally. If you are totally honest with each other about why your marriage failed, and not point fingers and blame, and instead just try and start from day one and move on from here and now...you might have a chance.
I wish you the best!!!!
2006-11-10 21:07:39 · answer #2 · answered by lildragonlexi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess it depends on how you feel and if you're willing to repair your marriage.
It's not clear to me if either of you raised the issue of the impact of his job on your relationship. Not only did you start drinking, but he was unavailable to his family. You accepted your responsibility and made an effort to resolve your issue; your drinking may have been part of the problem with the marriage, but it was brought on by your husband's absence. You both get a rap on the knuckles for not discussing or making an effort to resolve both issues before things went so bad.
I think that counseling is a great idea, especially if the first years of your marriage were good. I commend your husband for bringing up counseling, and you for actively dealing with your drinking. No one wants to work at marriage anymore and are ready to bail at the first sign of trouble. Just know that someone on the planet appreciates you deciding not to take the easy way out.
Be realistic about what counseling will and won't do. It's not going to solve your problems after one or even ten sessions; it's not going to work if you and your husband don't actively put into practice what you learn in your sessions. It may raise issues that you have to deal with as individuals. But it will be the best thing you can do if you're serious about making it work.
2006-11-10 17:05:30 · answer #3 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your family should have been both of your main priorities..NOT work and NOT drinking. I'M sure you both know that by now.
Families are bounded by love, faith, respect and nurture.
There is the main issue that your husband was with other women...I don't think you will get past that...no matter if you were separated..you were still married. This is the hardest part to forgive.
To me: TRUST is the basis of any relationship...
I guess the big question is: DO YOU LOVE HIM?
Are you willing to put all that aside and concentrate on your family?
I have a thought: (*IF you love your husband)
Give your husband a plant (one that is difficult to maintain). Tell him that the plant represents you and his family...If he can care for it, feed it and help it grow..without neglecting it for a long period of time...you may consider his offer..(after time...take a look at your plant...you'll know if he's serious by the plants outcome...if it's still alive!)
Bottom line: wether you intend or decide to go back with your husband...your children are your main concern...it seems like both of you have played a long-time role in neglecting them...let your children be your addiction...they will bring you much joy...they need you more right now than your husband... :)
Hope this helped you....
Good Luck with your decision :)
2006-11-10 17:15:13 · answer #4 · answered by Lovely 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have reread you question several times, and the thing that bothers me is this..you didn't say you loved him. Are you mad and hurt that he tried to move on with his life, after he left the family home? Dating these other 2 women. He had to the right to try and move on. And I can honestly understand why this would upset you, it seemed to fast and quick for you. Like he could just forget you in a moments notice, and just replace you like a roll of paper towels. And now, he sayings that he loves you and the kids.
If you truly love him, I move very slowly. Start dating, don't just move him back in right now. Let the relationship begin again, and see where it leads. You are going to forgive for "replacing" you during the seperation. He's going to have forgive for the drinking. Recognize the problems, and work on them. The counseling will help both of you to deal with past, and how to avoid circumstances like these again. Honey, I know you were alone and lonely, and if he has to work like this again, can you assure him and yourself that you won't pick up a bottle again.
There is a lot to forgive and forget, but if both of you can. Then I would try it again. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain if it works...your family back together under one roof healthy and happy...and stronger and smarter !
God bless us all........
2006-11-10 19:52:16 · answer #5 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey honey, I am in with AA I have a few months over a year now and let me tell you... my life has changed dramatically for example, I got rid of my last relationship and now I see that I was just hanging onto him for comfort and he delt with me when I drank, I turned into a complete ****** when I drank, anyways, through working the steps and looking at myself I understand that I have an allergy to alcohol and that I am the problem, the alcohol just intensifies it! Let me tell you from personal expierience that you can go to counciling and try to work it through, but the sad thing is that maybe you two are toxic for eachother. It really does help to reevaluate WHY you are with this person, is it just because of the kids? If that is the case it will just ruin you both. Think of it this way, trying to make things better that will never be better is just going to drive both of you and your children crazy! Hope it helps
2006-11-10 16:48:31 · answer #6 · answered by Free & Sassy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I would try again in this situation. Sounds like the problem that pushed him away (drinking) has been handled responsibly by you; I wouldn't hold against him the fact that he got involved with someone else - I imagine, he probably thought it was "all over". However, it all depends on how you feel about the whole thing. Would you be comfortable getting back together, or do you feel you're better off on your own?
2006-11-10 17:02:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, let me get this straight, when you needed him the most he bailed on you. Now that you are back on track, he wants to come back into your life. I know what I would tell him, "Get the H*ll out and stay out!" Sounds like to me he got to have fun while you were going through a rough period, so now everytime you hit a rough spot or have a bad day he will bail and then come back when you have solved your own problem? I commend you for getting your life back together, that is awesome!! Take care of yourself, I am sorry to say but it sounds like your husband is a no good for nothing that leaves at the first sign of trouble. Good Luck!
2006-11-10 16:45:17 · answer #8 · answered by GreeneyedCowgirl 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Boy tough to deal with booze as an addiction isn't it? Go for it if you can contemplate him as your partner and he can you. I'd go slowly because in essence he abandoned you by not waiting. The important thing is how you feel about it and how it goes in counseling.
2006-11-10 16:52:54 · answer #9 · answered by DelK 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't go back to him striaght away he maybe on the re bound from this women now you've sort yourself out figure out how you really feel about this man if he drove you to this the first time what makes you think he won't drive you to something else now good luck and keep off the drink
2006-11-10 16:45:20 · answer #10 · answered by hunni_b21 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋