O.K. yahooans. This is a serious question....?

Question

I am a Sr. Financial Analyst. My company want to transfer me down south and my salary would be better than $100K per year. As it stands I make better than half that. Sounds great! It's the opportunity I have been looking for and have worked my whole life for. The catch - I will probably lose my child. I get my child on a 50 - 50 basis. I don't think the courts are going to let me take my child away from Mommy. What would you do? P.S. - I have no debt - everything I have - house, cars, etc. is paid for.

Answer 1

You're in trouble. :-(

1) You can move, do what's probably best for your career and your financial goals and retirement options, or
2) You can give it up to stay where you know your family is. There is an added issue here - you may end up subconsciously resenting them and others for the loss of the opportunity later on.

I had a similar situation just a few months ago. My company relocated our department to Denver (I'm in Southern Calif.) They wanted me to go with them, offered to pay for the moving company and gave me a nice little relocation package. Gave me months to plan, had my office all set up, offered to give my spouse an interview with another department so we would both have the opportunity to work at well paying jobs with advancement in our careers, clear air, etc. etc.

My spouse did not want to go; absolutely, adamantly did not want to go and my in-laws had supported the decision to stay here. It became apparent that if I took the promotion and moved to Denver, I'd be moving as a single man. The long and the short of it is that I chose my family over my career. I now work for a temp agency until the place they have me stationed decides if they want to make me a full time employee - starting over, no vacation, no sick leave, no seniority, learning a brand new job from scratch, learning everyone's names, what they do, who they are, etc. etc. I'm not happy, I often think about how much better we might be if we'd have moved. I have the only income at this moment and the income would have increased dramatically and the cost of living (including the apartment we would be renting) would have been several hundred dollars a month less for more square footage. And, I'm finding that I do have more resentment than I had realized.

Think about what you want and whether you will be OK - without hesitation - by staying.

Answer 2

Are you struggling financially right now and if you were to take the job will you be bale to provide a better life for your child, if not than no don't do it, you'll make more money here eventually it will just take you a little longer.
You will not lose your child, you can update the parenting schedule to having the child during the summer and some holidays. The bond between the two of you will not be as strong as if you were to see your child every other day but you will still see her/him. Also remember now you won't just have the kid during weekends when you are off work, you will have him for longer periods of time and so you will have to pay for daycare or babysitter. Also you will have to pay for flights back and forth and if you decide to visit him you will have to pay for hotel, car rental. It could all cost you $10,000-$20,000 a year.

Answer 3

This is a value question and as such, it can't really be answered by anyone but you. However, because this is Yahoo! Answers, I can't resist.

First, I don't think you will necessarily "lose" your child. I agree with some of the other respondents that you should get a competent attorney to work with you on that.

Second, there is no question in my mind (again, value judgment here) that if you do risk "losing" your child, you forgo the career move. Another one will come along that's closer to home. NEVER trade the option of being in your child's life for a career opportunity - you will regret it your whole life.

Finally, I believe we are called "yahooligans" simply because the pronunciation begs for an "L" to be in there.

Answer 4

Have you talked to your ex- wife about this proposed move? If so, then what are her feelings about it? If not, then you need to talk to her about it and see what kind of arrangements can be made to satisfy everyone. Perhaps you could have the child for all the summer months and on alternate holidays. Or, is there any chance that she would relinquish custody of the child to you and her have the child for the summer and alternate holidays?
Is she a good mother and is the child happy with her? It might also depend on the age of the child. If he/she is above the age of 12, they can have a voice in which parent they chooses to live with.
This is a very hard decision you will have to make...I wish you the best.

Answer 5

Hello. About losing your child...you said probably. Are you able to discuss this with your child's mother? Is this a threat about you not being with your child anymore. Is your child too busy too travel yet?Do you have any good reliable and knowledgeable friends to discuss this with. Do you have a good church home where you can consult with someone in this area? Are you seeking God's will in this matter? I am not saying I have all the answers. I struggle also. What's important is that you have true peace with God regarding His Will in this situation I am seeking God's will myself in a tangled web. And I have trouble sometimes being patient or I wonder if I missed His message or don't want to deal with the truth with Him because it is too painful.

How can you be the best father for your child? Will the promotion help or hinder you with your relationship. Money is not everything.
And you sound like you are financially well off being that you have no debts and your needs are being met. What else besides money is alluring to you regarding this job?

Take care. I do want the best for you and your child and your future.

Answer 6

It's an excellent opportunity. First, what would happen to your current career path if you turned down the promotion? Second, depending on what type of relationship you have with your ex, you might be able to take the promotion, and move, and have your child fly down to be with you regularly. You could have the school holidays, summers, and depending on your cash flow, even every few weeks your child could visit you or you could visit the child.

If your relationship with the ex isn't conducive to working through this, then you may need to turn down the promotion.

How old is your child? How far away would you be if you accepted the promotion?

Answer 7

Talk to the baby's/childs mother and see if the two of you can come to some type of agreement and the child can be with you 6months and her 6months. Or if the travel is not that far, you could travel up every weekend or meet half way. I would not involve the courts unless the two of you can not come to a decision. However, you could go to the courts and get this put on paper. Good luck and God bless

Answer 8

This is a very tough situation. If this is important enough to spend less time with your child, then go for it, you will still have your rights and a week or so in the summer, holidays, etc... Phone calls and letters will help stay in touch as well. It's one of the toughest questions, the money or the time?! Good luck with the decision you make.

Answer 9

Take the job. But first speak to your attorney so that he can make arrangements for you to see your child. You are not being a bad dad. Life goes on and you WILL still be able to have visitation rights to your child. But an attorney has to know this.

Answer 10

What is more important? Money or your child. That job might not be there 2 years from now -- however, your child will. If you move off, you are pretty much giving your wife full custody -- and the courts will see it that was --- and they should. so calculate child custody into that 50,000 raise --- and cost of trips back and forth to see him ---