my daughter who is 21 years old has just informed me that she seen my ex of 3 months who is just her step father and he had told her that she is more than welcome to go to his house with her boyfriend for dinner. I tried to explain to her my feelings about this also she really is not that close to him only really knowing him for a couple of years. she feels that i am being ridiculous. How can I explain to her that it would hurt me if she was to do this, especially if he was involved again.
2006-11-10 07:43:08 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When you form relationships other people do too along with you, so dont expect them to "break" off just because you decided too. Its not fair to everyone else.
2006-11-10 07:46:54 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your daughter is 21, it's going to be hard to control her. Of course, you're free to tell her how you feel, but if she makes the decision to see this man, that's her right as an adult.
If she does it in spite of knowing it would hurt you, then I would assume that she either is more attached to this man than you think or that she is angry at you.
If this man is her step-father then I guess it's safe to assume you brought this guy into your daughter's life. When you made the decision to do that, you may have opened a door that you can not easily close again.
2006-11-10 15:50:01 · answer #2 · answered by Dean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though it was just a few years there still is a bond there somewhat. Your daughter is 21 let her make her own decisions on whether she wants to go over his house for dinner or not. The problems you had with your ex is between both of you not your daughter.
2006-11-10 16:12:23 · answer #3 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can tell your daughter how you feel, and you should. But, the decision is up to her. Maybe she felt a connection with him as a friend when you and your ex were dating. That's always a good thing. But,I can understand your point of view. You need to sit and have a one on one chat with your daughter. Tell her how you feel about it. If that doesn't help then oh well. Don't make this into something bigger than it really is.
Good Luck and be strong!!
2006-11-10 15:46:28 · answer #4 · answered by Amber R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't explain why you feel this way about your ex - is it because he was abusive, disrespectful, violent, etc, or just because he's an "ex"? The former is a valid reason for you to not want him around your daughter. The latter would be your emotions doing the thinking, which is probably a bit silly.
That said - if I was your daughter, I would respect your feelings in this matter, regardless of how irrational they appeared to me.
2006-11-10 15:51:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Opening up to people you know is sometimes hard, but if I were in your place, I would tell her that by her doing that, it might hurt you.
If she, your daughter, were to get together with your ex, she would certainly tell you about it, and what happened, what was talked about, and yes, if he were seeing someone new.
People break up for a reason. In rare cases they can go on to be friends and continue to communicate, but that is the exception.
You do not need to hear anything about what is happening in the life of your ex.
In my opinion, not knowing the entire situation, he, your ex, invited your daughter over maybe to get info about you, or to send info to you.
Either way, I think you should explain to your daughter that it would hurt you to have her continue to be involved with him and ask her to respect that.
Susie !
2006-11-10 15:52:22 · answer #6 · answered by Susie Q 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would it hurt YOU????? What does it matter if she and her boyfriend go there to have dinner? You do not have to go too right? Obviously it was a hard breakup and I'm sorry for that but you should just ask your daughter not to discuss their dinner with you.
It is not a show of loyality to your x that she wants to have dinner with him, do not feel that she is choosing, try to let it go and remember that she is now an adult.
2006-11-10 15:49:22 · answer #7 · answered by Big Mama 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I kinda think that you are being a little unfair about the whole situation, I am a step mom (and I am also 21)
Think about the fact that she excepted him in when you decided that you wanted to be with him, right? So is it really fair that you can just expect her just to decide that she doesn't like him anymore......most ppl can't just turn that switch on and off like that ya know. Just think about it a little from that point of view.
Good luck!
2006-11-10 15:47:58 · answer #8 · answered by TNL 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are silly. A couple of years is more than enough time to get to like someone. Let her go to his house for dinner if she wants. How exactly is that hurting you?
2006-11-10 15:45:59 · answer #9 · answered by MrNiceGuy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your not being silly but at the same time your daughter ia grown women who knows what choices she are making its not like your attending the dinner and if he is trying to get back involved then you let him know how your feeling about the whole situation
2006-11-10 15:48:14 · answer #10 · answered by Chery 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It wouldn't hurt you if you had let go. Sounds like you and your ex are still holding on to some things, and neither one of you has really moved on. But... yes... you are being silly too. You can't help the way you feel, and if you think it's going to help you to explain it, then go ahead and do so, but... it's not him not letting go that bothers you... because he can't bother you if you have let it go.
2006-11-10 15:48:08 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋