I am a devout Christian and God does not like divorce but I no longer lover my husband and have counseled with our Pastor but it still doesn't change how I feel. He "thinks" he is too disabled to work and I am supporting us. I think part of it is that I no longer respect him.
2006-11-10 07:27:36 · 19 answers · asked by Lucia S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, love is not a feeling. Love is not about feeling happy or not feeling happy with our spouses. If not being happy at the current time was a reason for divorce, then, we'd have even higher divorce rates.
It seems you can immediately help yourself by making the decision to be in the moment with your husband as fully yourself. Don't hide yourself, don't pretend to be something you're not...but just be your genuine self.
If you are feeling this way about your marriage, the chances are good that your husband may be feeling some of the same feelings.
Love is a decision to be committed and to stay committed. Love is a commitment. Be committed to being your honest genuine self, and be committed to being in your marriage as your genuine honest self.
If you can do this, your relationship is bound to improve. If not, then you can think about other alternatives. But till then, I'm afraid you haven't earned the right to leave
2006-11-10 07:32:34 · answer #1 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't just stop loving someone. Something has led up to it over a period of time. Why does he think he is too disabled to work? Is he on Disability? If he is, he may look for gainful employment and "try" it for 3 months without losing his Disability benefits. If it does work out, then they will discontinue his benefits. But, if it doesn't work out, then he can quit and his benefits are not interrupted.
Have you given him any reason to feel unwanted or unneeded? Do you blame him for him not working and you having to?
Do you remember why you married him so long ago? Can you honestly say that you do not feel that way about him at all? Isn't there something about him that you still love? I find it hard to believe that everrything is gone.
Perhaps you need to re-evaluate what all you want from him and him from you and see if you two can reach a happy medium.
You should seek counseling together and make sure that this is really what you want before you decide to go ahead with a divorce.
You may be a devout Christian, but you must also realize that the laws on Divorce have changed alot since the Biblical timesd, and life is too short to be in a marriage with someone where there is no love from one partner. A marriage takes two to work. How does he feel about the way that you feel? How does he feel about a Divorce?
Please think long and hard before you make a decision that can affect so many things.
2006-11-10 10:26:07 · answer #2 · answered by lildragonlexi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you know that god doesn't like divorce? Did he tell you?
If not, you're going on an assumption that may or may not be true. Is this "maybe" really worth perpetuating a mistake that will last a lifetime?
Now, there can be other, very good, reasons to not be in a hurry to get a divorce. When you married your husband, what was it that attracted you to him? Are these same qualities still there? Can there be a way to build up on what you once had, and change things to the better? There had to be something compelling enough about this person for you to say "I do".
But staying in the marriage solely because of what people tell you god "likes" or doesn't like is not a wise decision, IMO.
2006-11-10 07:33:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it happens all the time: respect, affection, and interest in your partner are what keeps the relationship healthy.
Both partners have to have integrity too, and the problem you seem to be in is this: how much integrity will you have if you stay married when not loving the other person, and how much integrity do you have leaving them when they need you.
It's a moral dilemma, to be sure. But even a disabled person has to put work into a relationship (e.g. respect, integrity, affection and being an interesting person). Sadly, when people allow themselves to become emotionally dependent, they sometimes neglect their own character and can become rather pathetic as opposed to interesting.
I don't envy you, I know that much. Good luck, but it sounds like you are going to be moving on and dealing with some guilt issues for a while until you can forgive yourself. it's not all your fault, though. You should know that much.
2006-11-10 07:36:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is probably not going to be too helpful !! But I need to say that I seem to find myself in the same situation . . . . I know that I do not love my husband of 14yrs . . . . I know that I do not want to be in the realtionshi anymore . . . but the question still remains . . should I leave?!? I still care for my husband very much . . . but not love. And I suppose that is why I am still with him . . . . this though is causing problems . . . I belive he knows I am no longer in love with him and he is hurting because of this . . . and it does hurt me knowing that I am causing him pain (another reason I am still in my relationship). I am getting closer to the point when I do belive I will leave . . . i know it is not fair on him and I know it is not fair on me . . . but still we have to find the courage to make a move . . . . and then we will never know if it was the right decision to make or not !! My issue is that I am afraid of making the wrong decision and 6 months down the track wishing that I had never left him in the first place . . . . but then I think maybe in 6 months time I will still be in this relationship that I no longer want and should have moved on a long time ago for both of our sakes . . . lol . . .. I hope we can both work out what we need to do . . . . Feel free to email me if you would like to catch up and chat sometime !!!
2016-05-22 03:20:29 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yup... I know what you mean. I'm sorta in the same situation except my problem is I was never really in love with her. I just sorta talked myself into marrying her for the wrong reasons and I thought things would get better but I find myself really resenting a lot of things about her... basically who she is.
Still, I do choose to be loving towards her as much as I can. I agree with the other answerer that love is not an emotion/feeling... but it sure makes it easier to act out love if you have deep respect and strong feelings for that person.
I don't believe in divorce either, but sometimes I think I'll go nuts if she will never change some things. I've even thought of suicide. What helps me most is to try to not hold stuff inside too much. Sometimes I try to just let it out. Just let her know that some things bother me, and I'm not happy, and try to talk to her in a non threatening way. It does help, although it seems to always be temporary. She keeps doing irresponsible things that sabotage whatever chances we've got left at ever having a brighter future. She has talked with the pastor, but he's just like her, one of those types of people that I really dislike (wants all the fancy toys and doesn't take of himself for his own wife).
anyway, you can send me a message if you want someone to listen.
Oh, and whatever you do, don't cheat. That can really really screw things up forever.
2006-11-10 08:19:21 · answer #6 · answered by lab_monkey5 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Part of being a Christian is getting separated when all other biblical actions have been exhausted. Check out this book: Hope For The Separated-Chapter 7: Tough Love (by Gary Chapman)
Read this before you do anything else.
Love can be renewed, however, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it....
2006-11-10 07:36:44 · answer #7 · answered by HonestGuy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried talking to your husband? Letting the anger and resentment build does not help. Not sure what all the circumstances are - but if he isn't working and doesn't help around the house, etc - then by all means - get out while the getting's good. But if there's a chance that depression or other alilments are a factor - seek professional help.
2006-11-10 07:38:05 · answer #8 · answered by wild_orchid_tx36 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is hard itself, but to admitted it, is the toughest part. God bless you. Sometimes when the feeling are gone there gone. If your willing to try something, do something new, experiece with new things. If not speak to ur husband and let him know, don't tell the kids anything, until u are sure of what you will do in the future.
2006-11-10 07:35:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When did God say - or the Bible - that you should live with someone you no longer care about??? Where does it say that he should be allowed to "bleed" you dry both monetarily and emotionally...
Why can't he work??? Is he really disabled???
Respect is the basis of good marriages - once love has wained.
2006-11-10 09:22:59 · answer #10 · answered by brenny_boo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋