how do I find out if my husband of 18 years has feeling for his freind that he was talking to.?

Question

I CAUGHT MY HUSBAN TALKING OUTSIDE ON THE CELL PHONE ONE NIGHT AT 11:30PM. I ASKED HIM WHATS GOING ON HE SAID NOTHING WITH A LOOK ON HIS FACE LIKE I CAUGHT HIM DOING SOMEHTING WRONG. HE FINALLY ADMITED THAT HE HAS BEEN TALKING TO A YOUNGER WOMEN FOR MONTHS. BECAUSE HE WAS NOT HAPPY IN THE MARRIAGE FOR 3 YEARS NOW. WE TALKED IT OUT AND WE PROMISED EACH OTHER THAT WE WOULD TRY TO WORK IT OUT FIRST BEFORE WE GET A DIVORES. HE TALKED TO HER A FEW MORE TIMES. THEN HE SAID HE TOLD HER HE WAS GOING TO TRY TO MAKE THE MARRIAGE WORK. I HAVE A PRINT OUT OF ALL HIS CELL PHONE CALLS. SO I KNOW WHO IS CALLING. HE HASENT TALKED TO HER IN 2 MONTHS. BUT I WONDER DOES HE HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER? DOES HE MISS HER? SO MANY QUESTIONS ARE GOING THROUGH MY HEAD. AND HE WONT ANSWER NONE OF THEM. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!

Answer 1

FIRST PLEASE USE LOWER CASE.

Men don't focus on the past as relationships as much as women.
You should focus on the "here and now" and not the "what if".
He chose to work things out and so did you.
So work on what will makes you two happier with each other and stop trying to drag him and yourself through the mud.

Not every question should be answered, that's life.

FYI, the more you ask about her the more he thinks about her, because you are forcing him to with your questions. If you let it go she will become a memory and nothing more.

Answer 2

He might have stopped using the phone he knows you can check to talk to her, but he probably hasn't turned off his feelings for her.

You can walk into a supermarket and buy a prepaid phone and start using it minutes later.

But the presence of phone records isn't the real problem, and you appear to know that. The real problem is he isn't willing to talk or answer your questions. How can he say he's working on the marriage when he isn't communicating in a way that you need to hear right now?

So, be very clear. Tell him that you both need a crystal clear working definition of what "working on the marriage" means. It might include:

[a] if one asks a question, the other answers honestly,
[b] each makes a list of 5 items they are concerned about and want to fix in the relationship,
[c] each makes another list of 5 items they want to fix in themselves
[d] there's a time limit of say a 6 months to make progress on or complete some of the items on these lists

and so on. If you aren't actively working on it, you're letting it fall apart. And if he can't answer you about her, he is definitely talking to or seeing her on the side.

Answer 3

2 months have passed, and he probably does miss her...but made the choice to work on the marriage. STOP asking him questions about her and his feelings about her...constantly reminding him will only make him miss her more. It's best to leave the past in the past if you truly want to make this marriage work.