Should I believe my Husband???

Question

my husband recently lied to me about smoking pot. this has been an issue for us for years. he had told me he quit and i believed him, i told him that if he needed help i would be there for him, but he went behind my back and did it anyway. When i confronted him, he lied to me a number of times and came up with all kinds of excuses. he knew all he had to was ask for help or just tell me and i would not have been upset, i would have tried tohelp him.
NOW, since these incidents, i am doubting his honesty in the past. it scared me to realize he could lie to me that well and continue to lie to me when i confronted him.
the one thing that i now am doubting is whether or not he slept with a friend of mine before we got together. i know for a fact that 9 months after they were "friendly" a baby was born. this baby looks shockingly similar to my husband, yet he continues to deny that he ever slept with her. he says i should go talk to her or get a dna test if i dont believe him.

Answer 1

I think you need to be there for him now. He wouldn't be smoking pot behind you back if you would let him be. If it causes no harm to you nor the family, what's the big deal. He would feel free to do it at his own house and believe me if you would toke up with him, you would be both reallyyyyyyyyyy happy. Unless he uses other stuff, honey, you don't have to worry the least he would get is aggressive on the contrary reallyyyy pasiveeeeeeee! Not that I'm a user, I have friends that do and are married couples and are very happy. Unless he goes further than doing pot, I think it's really not a big issue. He lies because he does not have an alternative. If he tells you the truth, you'll be upset, if he does'nt the same, so I think you should talk. About the "baby", make sure it's not your imagination that your husband & the baby look shockingly similar but in any event, go for the DNA test, it's the only way you will ever know and personally, I rather have him do it than live with the doubt. GOOD LUCK

Answer 2

There is a huge difference between lying about smoking pot and lying about fathering a friend's child. Just because you feel you can't trust him on the smoking issue doesn't mean he's a complete liar and cheater. Let me ask you this- do you have any reason, other than him lying about pot, to even suspect that he would cheat on you with your friend and have a baby with her? If so, I think you two need to seriously sit down together and go through your trust issues. You may also want to confront your friend about the whole issue and see what she has to say. You may lose her as a friend for accusing her of something like that, but it could also save your marriage. Unless you have any concrete proof about your husband and your friend, you have to believe him when he denies it. If you still feel suspicious, take him up on the DNA testing offer. Those results are 99% accurate.

Answer 3

I can relate with you on the pot issue. I dated a guy recently that did it every day and told me all the time he was going to quit but then would go behind my back and do it. He was also not a nice guy when he was high. For some reason people that are addicted to a drug are able to look you straight in the face and lie about what they are doing with no compassion. I have also come to realize that a majority of people who do drugs like to engage in some bad behavior. With that said if your husband likes to get high a lot he might be doing things you would not agree with. You should contact the woman directly. In a calm manner ask her if she feels the child might be his. (If you fight with her she will not talk to you ask her calmly) If she says it might possibly then you have your answer that they have at least been together. If this was a cheating situation you should leave your husband. People that abuse drugs never change unless they choose to get help.

Answer 4

Sounds like you dont trust him at all, you shouldnt tell him not to smoke pot, he will quit if he thinks that he should, the more you go on about the pot, the more he wants to go and light one up. As far as the child being his, I would see if it is his child and then decide what you want to do from there if it is his baby, He should be being honest with you and if he lies about the pot, he will most definetly lie about sleeping with your friend. Time to check your man, trust is the most important thing in a relationship.

Answer 5

This is a pretty complex question that could have many answers. All in all, you are the only person on this website that knows whether or not to trust him. But from what it sounds like......maybe he was scared to admit it because you give him so much heat about it, or maybe he simply does not want to quit but wants you to be happy too. About the sleeping with your friend......it was before you were together, and because of that it should not make a difference. Marriage counseling could be the answer depending on severity. Much luck

Answer 6

I know how you feel. It is hard to believe someone when they lie like that. I personally can't believe someone when they lie and get caught. Usually it is a big problem when this happens in a marriage and usually leads to seperation/divorce. About the baby,...I would tell him you want DNA done to see if it is his. If he says no and your friend says no they won't do it. Then you pretty much know that it is more than likely his. Then you will know who your true friends are and where you stand with your husband. Even if it happened before you got with him,....they should be honest about it. Best of luck to you

Answer 7

Suing a mistress is like suing your spouse because they lied to you when you were dating, and thus "messed up your life." Adultery is a moral issue and will be dealt with by God, like we're all dealt with when we do wrong things to other people. To add, the woman who sued won her case based on her accusation that the other woman pursued her husband, which I seriously doubt since he's admittedly had multiple affairs since the beginning of their marriage. She said they were perfectly happy with no problems and that the mistress brought the problems. Huge lie there. The husband has also admittedly stated that their marriage had always had multiple problems and they've been to counseling three times over the years. Yes, the mistress was at fault, but suing her for the downfall of an already troubled marriage is silly. I think she really sued for "alienation of overdue alimony" rather than "alienation of affection".

Answer 8

hi wow what a story.the only thing i can tell you about your husband is he not going to give up pot smoking in til he is ready to
and the more you force him the more you are pushing him to smoke more pot. you need to back off.you are in a really **** up relationship with your husband.and as far as this other women go i would bet he slept with her and got her pregnant.so you either have to except thing as they are in your marriage or file for a divorce because you can not change the pass and you can not change people in til they are ready to take the responsible on them self.

Answer 9

Why is he telling lies ? Is he afraid of loosing you or he sure is covering up, expecting a nasty backlash from u. Both need to try talking once again with the help of a councillor. Serious

Answer 10

Honestly you should believe and trust your husband but in this case I don't think I would. Do you know anything about his habits when he lies. Like not looking you in the eyes. If you know how to read his body language ask him the question thats bothering you if you can't read his body language I am afraid you may need to seek a marriage consoler.