What to do when you feel like there is nothing left to do?

Question

my husband and I have been married for 3 years. We have accumulated quite a lot of debt and have been having a lot of troubles. My husband is constantly on me about the money I spend and he tends to get very angry for no reason. He is never happy with anything because he is constantly worrying about money. We are finally making enough money that we are just barely making ends meet each month. Last week I came home to a bill for a credit card that HE just applied for and (amazingly enough in itself) he was approved for. The card came with a 350 limit and 178 of it was already charged in fees for the card. I got very angry that he would even think of adding another bill to our lives. He said it was for emergencies, but I know for sure that he is buying CD's and stuff online for himself with it. I am so angry with him that I haven't spoken to him for 3 days. I don't know what to do or what to say to him. I am about ready to pack up the kids and leave him with his money...what do you think

I have tried to talk to my husband about this civily, but he just screams at me and tells me to shut up. He will not cancel the card and he is still using it. We have no money to pay on it. I don't understand what is going on here.

Answer 1

Seek marital counseling. If you feel you're at the end of the rope, this is your last opportunity to fix things over, and even after counseling, if things in your marriage don't improve, consider getting a divorce. Good luck.

Answer 2

Is your marriage all about money? You two need to get a financial adviser or somebody to help you. Get you fiances under control. Credit Cards are bad news. If he wants something for emergencies, then he should start saving his money and use that. If the credit card is indeed, just for emergencies then he should have no problem giving you the card to hold until an emergency comes up.
Marriage counseling might be good here, because communication seems to be a big problem and if is lying about what he is spending money on, that needs to be discussed also.
Do you love your husband or are these problems enough to make you want to leave?

Answer 3

Stress from finances is soooo common in marriages. You are not alone - trust me!!

You BOTH need to sit down together and figure out where you can cut some expenses. Downgrade your cable service, or cancel it all together. Use coupons when you grocery shop. Cancel your long-distance, and use your cell phones (if you have one). Have your kids learn to go without unnecessary things. I could go on and on with ideas, but you get the picture.

The biggest mistake you can make is to create more debt to try to get out of your existing debt! That NEVER works!! You have to find ways to cut back and it will take team work from your entire family.

Let me assure you of one thing! If you leave your husband, your life will become much more difficult financially! You need to stop considering that option, and instead finally really come together!

I don't know if you work, but if you don't you should look into at least a part time job. If your husband is carrying the burden all on his shoulders, it can seem overwhelming.

COMMUNICATION!! You have to have it in order to make this work. Counceling is expensive, but if you call around to local churches, you should be able to find it at very low cost or maybe even free. Commit yourself to making this work! Your children deserve to have you together!

Take a deep breathe - get over the credit card situation, and talk to your husband! There are great books you can buy that can help you learn how to budget your money!

Very best of luck to you! It will work out, just be persistant, and consistent!!

Answer 4

I think you need to really consider counseling. For one thing, this man is blaming you for spending all the money and he is the one with the credit charge. I don't know how the rest of your marriage is outside of money, but you need to think about your kids. Sounds like there is a real problem there and no one will be happy without money to spend on material things. You really need to get him to see why what he is doing is not right and vice versa. There is no reason for anyone to sneak around and buy things behind their spouces back. I pray for you and your family and I hope you honestly think about getting counseling. It's very important. You have only been married 3 years. The first 7 are the hardest because you are both learning each other day in and day out. Please consider getting help. Your kids will thank you for it. GOD bless.

Answer 5

I know what it is like to be in your situation. What you guys need to do it sit down and make a budget for your immediate bills that need to be paid like rent, lights, water, etc. Necessaties (sp?) After you figure that out whatever money you have left over can go towards the credit cards. Pay the small ones off first and then work towards paying the big ones off. Also with the small ones you can always call the company and ask them if they would be willing to knock off some of the late charges (if you have any) if you paid the balance off in full right then. then close those cards out that you pay off. Once you get down to your big balances then pay them off with the money that you would have used to pay off the smaller ones and you will eventually get it all paid. But leave at least 2 open when paying them off. That way you can build ya'lls credit back up. hope it works out. Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

No...don't leave him for because of money. Money is just a part of life that everyone goes through. You both can work it out to solve that particular problem. Talk to him about ways you can save money. There are options out there. Make a list. You both are not communicating very well. Communication is important in a relationship. So I believe that's the major problem in your relationship. Try out these links to see if it helps answer your question(s):

http://marriage.about.com/od/problemsinmarriage/

http://www.familydynamics.net/anbexp.htm

Wish you well.

Answer 7

you need to have a serious talk with him. It takes the two of you to make the debts and the two of you to get out. You may need to try debt consolidation to get out of debt. The interest on some credit cards is so high that it gets impossible to pay them off. It seems like all you pay is the interest.

Answer 8

You are right there is a serious problem going on there, you both need help, go to a financial institution and they can suggest ways of fixing your problem, you both will have to pull in your belts for a long time. as for leaving that is just wrong because you can't walk away from your problems, they come with you and haunt you

Answer 9

you need to talk to a financial /marriagel counselor. Both need to learn how to deal with money and issues in the marriage.

Answer 10

go to a debt counselor,they will help you reduce your monthly payments.at least thats what they say.