We have custody now, but prior she has tried to attack me 2 times. Both in the Court House. I have tried numerouse times to be civil with her but it never works. Now everytime she talks to the kiddo. The little one just likes to lash out. Her mom likes to tell her not to listen to us. she is only 7 and it is tearing her apart. It's been a long hard road and I know she needs to talk to her mom and we dont deny her to do that but MAN it causing more harm than good! Any suggestions would be appreciated.
2006-11-10 05:06:29 · 16 answers · asked by the blue bonnet 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have dealt with this situation for over 10 years! And what have I learned in those 10 years? I've learned that you have to be the adult and the example for the good of the child. Do not speak negatively of the mother to or around the child. Keep your temper in check.
As for the child speaking to the mother, get a speaker phone. Have your husband tell the mother that he will be listening to the conversation that she's having with her daughter and that she need to keep the conversation positive or he will hang up. Do this before she starts the conversation with the daughter.
And here's the best thing that both my husband and I did that worked...keep any conversations with the ex short and to the point. Don't give her ammunition to start a battle.
Trust me when I tell you that if you behave like a mature adult about this situation, the child will grow to respect you more than she will her own mother. Kids are smart and they will eventually figure the situation out for what it really is.
Good luck to you!
2006-11-10 05:16:04 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would record several of her phone conversations with her daughter and hire an attorney. If she can't be civil about the custody issue and act like an adult, then maybe she needs supervised phone calls. Also, try to find a family counselor/therapist. Even though the girl is only 7, it's still a lot for a child to go through...especially when her mother is poisoning her and filling her head with garbage. Good luck!
2006-11-10 05:40:45 · answer #2 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess that explains why your husband has custody over his daughter. His ex is an animal who doesn't know how to behave like a human being. She needs professional help. But there's nothing you can do except maybe talk with your husband, which you probably have. I think maybe you and your husband should talk to his daughter and explain that you both love her and don't want to see her get hurt. Then again she's very young to understand how and why her mother acts so crazy. I don't what to tell you. Sorry. I thought I had an answer for you. But I do wish everything works out for you.
2006-11-10 05:15:29 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa2006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunatley...until she is happy in her life...she will TRY anything to make your life miserable.
As for the child...DON'T make the same mistake as her natural mother...keep doing right by her side...teach and show her how to be the better person...eventually, she will see right through her mother...
Don't deny her the right to speak or visit with her mother...unless there is physical or mental abuse towards the child. *IF there is...you can always go back to court to request supervised visits. (there is a reason why you have custody).
Bottom line: YOU HAVE A LONG ROAD AHEAD...stay strong, be patient and pray...all will alright in the end...
Good Luck raising your daughter :)
2006-11-10 05:16:20 · answer #4 · answered by Lovely 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously she's harming the child. Check with the school counselor to see if there are any outbursts/reactions after visits with mom. Or simply request a meeting with a professional to prove that mom is creating issues for the child.
Divorce is such a war zone....and the children remain victims...
.......for life!
2006-11-10 05:11:40 · answer #5 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have legal custody, you should be noting the dates and times the mother had a conversation with your stepdaughter. Also, note what they discussed (might check into taping them). If the mother is encouraging the little girl to misbehave and bad-mouths you, you might be able to take your evidence to court and have all future conversations and visitations supervised, which should eliminate the problem. It worked for my cousin's family.
2006-11-10 05:12:57 · answer #6 · answered by Kimberly H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried speaking to your lawyer or even to a therapist about this? I'd try to limit contact with this woman until you can get some advice. Have you told her to stop saying thesae things or else lose some phone time? Obviously his ex is WAY overstepping her bounderies and hurting this poor little child who's probably very confused by everything. I think family counseling with your husband and the kids and yourself is a good way to begin. This is something very difficult to handle all by yourself. Help your family by getting the help you deserve. Good luck to you and your family. :)
2006-11-10 05:12:03 · answer #7 · answered by WiccaWoman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how would you feel if you had a kid and someone else was raising it ?? i am sure she must have some mental problems to take her anger to extremes but put yourself in her shoes it is very upsettings!! maybe you need to explain that you are not trying to take her place you are only a substitute mother!! always ask her for her advice about "her daughter" and always keep her involved in all decisions!! you should at least do that much she is hurting and she probly feels very alone!!try to understand this it is no bed of rosses for her either!!
2006-11-10 05:17:02 · answer #8 · answered by notyochic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She obviously has serious problems that are affecting your family. Stop worrying about how to get along with her and concentrate on getting help for your family so all of you can learn how to handle the abuse she is dishing out.
2006-11-10 05:09:42 · answer #9 · answered by mama 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can go to a court and have her rights taken away. She is harming the child and not doing whats right for the child and they can revoke her rights
2006-11-10 05:14:16 · answer #10 · answered by tweedy778 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋