My husband wants a complete sex change, is that bad?

Question

He wants to be a female. I don't know what to say to him. He asked me what i thought about it and i don't know. Help me! Should i leave him or stay?

Answer 1

You should stand by him emotionally, but your romantic relationship may be over. You should really discuss it with him, and ask him about his decision. Communication is the key, at the risk of sounding like a daytime talk show host.

Answer 2

I hate to be callous . . . but why are you asking us?

Should you leave him or stay? It depends entirely on your feelings, sweetheart! Some women are completely straight and, despite loving their [former] husbands, simply cannot stay with them after the sex change. That's fine and okay (so long as they aren't cruel or hateful about it). Some women have no problem when their husbands have sex changes, and stay with them happily, either delightfully calling themselves lesbians, or keeping their status as straight. It all depends on you.

It's normal to be confused- just try to calm down, think about it in a calm, rational way, and look to the future and how you see things going. There's nothing wrong with him wanting a sex change, but how it affects you will tell you what you should do. If you're comfortable with the idea (i.e. it doesn't truly freak you out or disgust you), then I suggest staying with him and seeing how things go- especially since he'll need support while going through it. If you do realize you can't handle it and must leave, then please, please part amicably with well-wishing.

Good luck on figuring things out and I hope all goes well.

Answer 3

Its neither bad nor good. Most likely he feels that his being is female but it is trapped in a male body. Sex change operations are often called sexual reassignment for that reason. The procedures are performed when psychologists are satisfied that this is the condition that exists--woman trapped in a man's body or vice versa.

It is more common to go from man to woman, but that is basically because the surgery part is easier (i.e. it is easier to remove a penis, create a vagina than it is to close up a vagina and create a penis--although it can be done). It means taking hormones for the duration of his/her life to keep his/her body feminine. It requires sexual and psychological counseling and it will also mean that he/she will probably face a lot of rejection, behind the back jokes and general non-acceptance by the general population. It is not easy, but those undergoing the process seem to think it was worth it.

I would say it would be better to stop thinking of this as a bad or good thing. I would also say that since this desire effects everybody close to him, that these people decide whether they can deal with it, make their feelings known and that those who can deal with it lend support if he's serious. Thinking in terms of good and bad implies judgment and the last thing this man needs is to be judged for his feelings/needs.

Answer 4

It's not bad - but it is sad. It's sad that he involved you in his life to this extent before he realized that he desired to be a woman.

I have a female friend who used to be a man and she is a fabulous person. As a man she raised 6 kids with a wife. Then - she made the change. She's divorced though.

If you were to stay with your husband, you would then be a same sex couple. If you are happy with this person, no matter what sex - and are willing to deal with societies reaction to you - then support the choice and stay with him/her. If it's not what you want in life - it's fair to say that while you understand his decision, it's not what you signed up for - and get out.

Good luck to you in working through all of this with love.

Answer 5

Your husband has probably strugged with this for a very long time and did not come to this decision easily.

Try and be as supportive as you possibly can during this time, and remember that this is who he really feels he is on the inside, and he just needs the outside to match that. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, or that anything was wrong with your marriage.

You might want to get the book "She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders" by Jennifer Finley Boylan. It is a very good book about a married man and what he went through after struggling for 40 years to become a woman

http://www.amazon.com/Shes-Not-There-Life-Genders/dp/0767914295/sr=1-6/qid=1163181853/ref=sr_1_6/103-9336862-3778250?ie=UTF8&s=books

Answer 6

Weather to leave or stay is something you have to answer for yourself. It has to do with your own sexuality, your love, and your views. Just know that often hormones will change the persons personality as well. I am in a similar yet different situation - I married a woman, we are gay, and she wants to become a he. I knew this before the "I do's" though - if you would like to talk I will be happy to give you my undivided attention and advice. Good luck

Answer 7

Well it all depends on how you feel. Society has led us to believe that sex changes are bad, but if you like intercourse, you will have to like it with a toy from now on. You are giving up a lot for his selfish wants. I would sit down and talk to him and let him know how you feel, and determine if his loss equals out to your loss, figuratively speaking. If he is not that passionate and doesn't provide valid excuses/reasons for wanting the "change" and does it anyway, I would leave. Good luck!

Answer 8

This is a very complex situation. Something that folks here are not qualified to tell you which way to go.

I strongly suggest you both get some counceling before anything else. He'll have to live as a female for at least one full year before any doctor will sign off and approve any sex change operation. This is NOT something that's EVER taken lightly.

Answer 9

Only you can answer if you want to leave or stay.

He needs to do this for his own well being and piece of mind.

You have to consider, 1) if you can handle the social pressures of people when he starts to transition 2) you need to decide if you think you can handle being with someone of your own gender 3) you have to realize transitioning is not easy, on people around him, and especially on him. 4) for a small percentage their gender attraction changes.

I was with my boyfriend during his transitioning (woman to man), and it was difficult. He was one of the small percentage who changed orientation. He went from being Bi to being Straight. It kinda ended the relationship.

Answer 10

This does not look good for you --- as a wife. As for leaving him -- in my guess , he has already left you. A decision of this importance can only be made by you. Look into the future --- what do you see ? What I see is some very difficult days ahead for you.