Should I stay and work things out? Now that we have a child, he is seeing another woman & holding on to me too

Question

My ex-boyfriend & I were together for two and a half years. We have an infant (I also have a five-year-old from a previous relationship). While I was pregnant, he began a "friendship" with another woman. His job requires that he travel & live internationally for long periods of time. The distance was hard. The other woman knew we were together & had a baby. While pretending to be vying for his best interest, she made every effort to get him to commit to her. I do no excuse him, but she is a huge part of our break-up. We have discussed working things out & giving our family a fighting chance. My 2 children & I were supposed to visit him this month where he lives overseas. Instead, he has chosen to take her this month & booked our tickets for next month. He has no idea I'm aware she's going. I suppose he is trying us both on for size. I am keeping my commitment to my family in the forefront. I want to fight for us, but I don't know what's right. Should I go next month? What should I do?

Answer 1

I wouldn't be his back up. That is what it sounds like. He keeps her incase you 2 dont work. I duno whats wrong with him. He sounds like a catch. Not. I feel bad for you. What an ass.

Answer 2

The one person you thought would never hurt you had done the unthinkable. They found someone else. He's having an affair and the only thing that matters is his own selfish needs.

You should expect him to someday say to you that he no longer wants to be with you. You should also expect him to blame you for the problems in your relationship, not the other person or himself. When someone has an affair there are problems in the relationship other than the affair.

Time sure help things. Time does pass. I believe we become obessed with people, and it's hard to give them up. But after some time the obbsession with the evil lying, cheating, ex-boyfriend does go away. Not easy, I know, but you are searching for answers. Answer to a question that you already know the answer to, but are afraid to face.

No, it's not easy no one will say it is. But the fact that you asked and are reading these answers tells you what you know you should do.

You say that you've discussed working things out yet she is the one going to visit him. Sounds like a one way discussion to me. Sounds like he's giving you tidbits to keep you around, that is not nice.

Having an affair is the most thoughtless cruel thing one mate can do to the other.

Ask yourself these questions. 1.) Do you think you'll ever be able to trust him again? 2.) Will you think of him with someone else while he is apart for long periods? 3.) Can you let go of the resentment and live with the knowledge that he's had an affair?

Focus on your family is a good idea. Only thing is he is not where your center of focus should be. Put yourself and your children first. Good luck in whatever decision you make, as this decision will affect how and what you'll do in the next few years.

Answer 3

Well I would dump him with out second guessing, but you have an infant and a five year old who probably sees him as the only "father" he has ever known. You should tell him that you knew about the other woman coming to visit him and everything else that you know, so he doesn't think he is slick. If you think that you can make a clean break then do it, don't forget to file for child support, but if you and your family really really love him then maybe you should work it out. If you do work it out, know that he messed up and don't let him off the hook easy, stick it to him make him feel guilty, just not forever, part of forgiving is forgetting. Second chances are ok, but third, no way Hose.

Answer 4

Sounds to me like he's not worthy of your time or heartache. Hard as that is, this man is not faithful to either you or your young child. Why would you want to stick around and let yourself be hurt even more? There are plenty of good men out there who would never think of cheating on their wives, no matter what the circumstances. If you go next month, try to go only for the baby's sake and not for anything other than your children. Make sure he knows that this is only a visit for him to see his children. It is platonic. Don't set yourself up for more pain with a man who obviously doesn't care about your feelings. Self preservation is important. If going would be too hard, cancel. The children can always see their father at another time.

Answer 5

You are in a bind sweety. I think I would cut my losses and move on. Once a cheater always a cheater and I'm afraid it would just be a vicious cycle that you would continue to have to deal with even if you forgave this one time. One of these days he may grow up and realize exactly what he lost but by then you will be happy and content and over him. I'm sure it will be hard for you but I would definately let it go and try doing it by myself for a while. It's not worth getting involved again right away, you have to be able to take care of you and yours and be happy doing it before you can make anyone else happy. I would never stay in a bad relationship again for the kids personally. If you are happy the kids will be happy, trust me, I've learned this the hard way and it's true. Good luck.

Answer 6

First of all it sounds like you are his back up GIRLFRIEND, honey you are NOT his wife you were pregnant with his child for 9 months and he still did not intend on you being his wife. Do you have daughters? How would you want them to handle something like this? I left my husband and we had 2 sons together. I did it to give me back my self respect and to teach my sons self respect and to respect me as well as women in general. 5 years later and I am now happily remarried and we have together a son and a new baby daughter. I would leave my new husband in a blink of an eye if I found out while I was carrying his child he did what your boyfriend is doing. I would rather me be single and my daughter know that I am a strong woman and would never let a man walk all over me. Because then you are teaching your daughter to be a strong woman and not to let anyone especially a MAN walk all over her. Think about it. Your a mom know its about the children now. Good Luck

Answer 7

Oh man what a slime ball...this guy and the girl... I would tell him your going and let him make all the plans then when the day comes not get on the plane and tell him to **** himself cause you know about her going up there to be with him and you refuses to be a "just in case" girl. Just in case she and him don't work out he knows your there. Its not better for a family to stay together if everyone in it is not happy. You will always have trust issues with him and wonder whats going on when he leaves again. That's not good for the kids to see. He can still be a part of the child's life without being a part of yours. you deserve someone that is worth fighting for but will never make you do that!!

Answer 8

You look to have some substantial stumbling blocks to any form of relationship with this guy. First, till I observed your a while, i presumed you have been the two on your previous due adolescents or at appropriate very early 20's - there's a diverse point of immaturity in the way you the two are dealing with this. He desires time to SULK?? he's enthusiastic approximately this toddler?? you're JEALOUS of a tiny toddler?? He has no funds, lives with mothers and dads, is till ultimately at college, yet seems to have a toddler he will would desire to assist?? and you attempt to not be mad at him (why could you be indignant over any of this? in touch, disenchanted, yet why indignant?) and you apart from would think of this is not his fault?(properly, then, whose fault is it that his ex has a toddler that he won't be able to see and would't have adequate funds, emotionally or financially? Time for the two certainly one of you to take a ruin right here - He has way too lots occurring his existence now to handle an indignant jealous lady buddy who's satisfactorily previous to comprehend better - besides he nonetheless desires his own mommy to assist him! you do not desire each and all of the drama which will envelope his existence for years yet to come back - and you will likely enhance up previously he even thinks approximately it. Time so you might pass on and attempt back with somebody new.

Answer 9

Don't fight for him, because you don't have to stress yourself. Sit back and enjoy your life with your kids without him. You don't need to put yourself through this and complicate your life chasing after a man who obviously is not showing you the love you deserve. Have you heard the song "A Woman's Worth" by Alicia Keys? You have 2 kids, that's a hands full. Think about them and their future. Think of ways of keeping them happy and healthy. They come first. Let that man go and focus on your children. In time, you'll find someone new and give love another try...not to your ex but to a man that deserves your love and vice versa. Wish you well.

Answer 10

This is a difficult question to answer due to the fact you have an infant. I myself would save money and hide the fact that you know anything. When I would get enough money saved I would leave and make him pay child support. Should you go next month,...yes so he can spend time with the baby. It sounds as he is really a confused person to me. Best of luck to you and your children.

Answer 11

The only thing I would want from this man is child support. This bum needs a wake-up call. Let the other woman have him. If he couldn't commit to you with a ring, and a vow to be your one and only, then he's not worth your time. Maybe by you telling him to get lost, he'll realize what he's done and wake up. Unfortunately, it looks like all he wants to do is play house. You're right to keeping your commitment to your family. They depend on you to keep things safe for them. Do not go with him. Tell him you want more out of this relationship, and don't want his leftovers. Since he's not fighting for your family, it's time to cut him loose. It seems that's what he really wants. A life of freedom to come and go as he pleases. Never have a relationship with a man you can't spend lots of time with. Since his job takes him away for long periods of time, he can't give your family what it desperately needs, which is time with him. He seems to be able to split his already-too-crowded life with another woman. How fair is that? It's especially not fair to your kids, who might not even know who daddy is anymore. Nope, I think serving him with child support papers would wake him up from his fantasies. This kind of life is a deal breaker, to put it into Dr. Phil-speak. I truly hope all goes well for you and your family. <*)))><