Should we try this again? Are alchohol and an affair equal?

Question

Our first four years of marriage were good. My husband then became a partner at an accounting firm. He then began to work long hours and on weekends. We stopped going out. I began to go out with female friends rather than mope around the house. I began to drink a lot at night after everyone was in bed. My husband moved out about 7 months ago, saying that it was because of my drinking.
Two weeks after he left, I started counseling and AA, I have not had a drink since other than near beer. Meanwhile, he became involved with a woman we both know and some other woman that he met somewhere. They split up about a month ago. He wants us to try to get back together. He says that he still loves me and the kids and wants to try to be a family again, including counseling. Your thoughts?

If I did not accept responsibility fo rmy behavior, I could not have stopped drinking. See Twelve Steps.

Answer 1

Congratulations on 6 1/2 months alcohol free!!!

His "wrongs" are not to be measured on a balance scale against your "wrongs". My momma used to say "Two wrongs don't make a right". Which may not be grammatically correct, but her point was that one sin cannot cancel out another sin. The only way to cancel out a "wrong" or sin, is for it and the offending person to be forgiven. Period.

You both have issues to work through, and both parties must be willing to work together. A professional marriage counsellor would be in a better position to meet with each of you individually, and then as a couple - possibly on an on-going basis.

Check into your health plan through work, some companies cover this type of healthcare.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I'm a little suspicious of your husband.. I have the feeling that he was cheating on you while he was gone all those long hours and weekends. It seems strange that he found TWO women so fast after your separation. So, the question is: can he overlook your past transgretions and can you overlook his "possible" transgretions? That's a toughie! It sounds like you've owned up to your mistakes. BUT, would he want to get back together with you if he was still with the other woman?? Maybe you need time to forgive yourself first and get some counseling. Then some couples counseling before taking him back so quickly. Good luck! ;)

Answer 3

What you two now need to do is accept Jesus into your life and allow God to heal your marriage. Once you do you two need to find a good church home and attend. God will began to heal you and show you how a marriage should be from His Word. Deliverance will come, joy will come and so on. You two will have to forgive each other. Yes he loves you and you love him so give Jesus a try and see how your marriage change from ordinary to extraordinary. Jesus loves you and He's for your marriage and you. He wants to see both of you happy in a marriage that He design. You can get your best counseling from the Word of God once you two open your Bible and began to learn about God and His principles. Your pastor will be of good help too. That way you will not have to pay a dime. (Smile) Know that Jesus loves you. God bless you.

Answer 4

An alcoholic's behavior and prioritization while drunk can profoundly impact the family and friends around them possibly leading to marital conflict and divorce. As far as infidelity is concerned. When a spouse feels that his or her needs are not being met, some turn to their work, others to drugs or alcohol and many to the arms of another man or woman. Evidently you turned to an alcohol he to women. In order to restore marriage to a loving relation you both have to identify what was the cause of your dissatisfaction, his lond our work, your law esteem. One you know what let to the breakige of the bond you may start working to mend it. There is no simple way it takes time pacience and good will. Good luck.

Answer 5

You were both wrong, basically you became an alcoholic, which made him not want to be with you, and slept with somebody else, its called the butterfly effect! It was wrong of him also, but if my husband became an alcoholic, I would leave him, and then after that he really would not have a say in what I could or could not do!! best to ya, I am glad you are getting your life straightened out!!

Answer 6

He messed up. You messed up. Now, he wants to try again. If you didn't have kids, it would be different. But you DO have children! For their sake, you should try again. But insist on marriage counseling, and insist he get a test for STD's before you have unprotected sex, too. If things don't improve, then get a divorce and give him liberal visitation. Stay in AA and stay sober. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 7

i think u should try to get back together if it was ONLY the drinking that split u guys up. i also think u should stop lookin for other people and situations to blame for your addiction. accept and come to terms with it and try to move on from it. u 2 should also go to marriage counseling to work out your issues.

Answer 8

Sound Like He needs his Cake and Cookies too. He needs the impressive to declare he's married gets him additional money on his paycheck. yet desires to Play the sphere and do anyone who's prepared to place out additionally.Sorry i need to be chilly hearted yet Been There carried out That subject. I been with this one 27 years in April. yet he had an affiar 6 years in the past and it particularly is no longer the comparable now. I lay there beside him for Days, weeks and ought to ask for intercourse. yet all he talks approximately is that this lady pal, and that lady. i understand of three women folk 2 of which i understand he had messed with that have 5 and 5 one million/2 year previous teenagers now. Soif you asked him to flow and he did, and he had a woman roommate hi it particularly is over He purely desires to hold what you do not have on your face i'm sorry to declare. sounds like he desires to declare OH i'm a Marreid guy yet yet while somebody provides No i'm no longer we are seperated. That provide him the impressive while he can't locate somebody else and he's lonely you will Do. yet while somebody is prepared you do no longer exist. i know it hurts you gave him X volume of your existence yet now He needs you while He thinks you ought to have somebody else. according to risk you ought to locate a Male roommate 2 can Play that sport.

Answer 9

perhaps he wasn't happy in the relationship and seen your drinking as an easy out?? you weren't very specific as to what happened between the 2 of you before he moved out.

if you want to save the marriage, the you should give it a try. it's a good sign that he wants to go to couseling. if will help to forgive eatch other and move on and find other ways then drinking and seeing other people to deal with your problems.

Answer 10

Alcoholism is a disease, which you acknowledged and are getting treatment for. Having affairs is a character flaw. At this point, you are sober and can stay that way - one day at a time. Do you feel he can quit screwing around on you? If you feel he won't change, then there's your answer.