Why do people treat their spouses with less kindness then their kids?

Question

The other day I was over at some friends' house and the wife called her husband "a moron" in a mean way. This is the same woman who never speaks any sort of "ill will" towards her children.
After this I started taking note of how people treat their kids better than their spouses. Why?

Answer 1

Some people will put a "face" to the public that is not the "face" they use at home. Hence the reason you hear about the Doctor who beats his wife. He doesn't do it in PUBLIC, he does it at home, behind closed doors. A woman who presents a "face" to others of great children (a reflection, she thinks of her great mothering skills, a husband on the other hand, may not be the reflection of her, she thinks he should be) hence the reason she will say to others "he's a moron" and not without the true emotion behind it, disdaining her mate. What does that really say about her? That she is not the nice person you thought you knew? Or that she is human, with real emotions, that she can let her gaurd down to you? Or that her husband really is one? Maybe it says something about you? You sat there and listened and made no comment. You didn't say "Oh I think he's a good father (or some other positive comment)". You note this woman "would never speak ill will" towards someone. But she did. She spoke ill of her husband, a person she should respect, should honor and shouldn't be dogging to others. I am sure all of us, have at times presented a "false face" to others, to make ourselves appear better than we were/are with the intention of not letting others really know what we thought/think. On a daily basis, many of us do this dualness of nature to our bosses, to our supervisors, to our friends, family and even mates. It's not pretty and its not nice, but you are notice with this friend, that she has a feeling about her husband that isn't very kind. What might she do when faced with some moronic activity you may have engaged in? Thread carefully and keep your "face" up around her, she will probably cut you no more slack to others than she did for her own husband. I think it shows a great unkindness to have exposed her feelings about her husband, but if you are considered her "best friend" she may have felt you would understand, or lets her guard down around you.

Answer 2

Interesting, maybe she has higher expectation from her husband than her children. Maybe she feels her husband actions are presenting a bad influence to the children.
Maybe she's forgotten to be a wife and is stuck in the mother role. Maybe he likes to be dominated.

My wife's friend micro-manages her husband. It is seriously like she has gained another child. When my wife tries to micro-mange me I smile real big and say "There has to be better way to do it then that". Now understand she once gave me too much info on how to load and unload the dish washer and I re-organized the cabinets "to flow better with the NEW DISH WASHING SYSTEM". She couldn't find anything for three weeks. I still remember her face when I re-arranged the living room because she asked to make sure I pulled out the couch and vacuumed behind it. In the end that did kind of back fire, because we ended up liking it better that way.
There is an old saying "Employers get the Employees they deserve." I think the same can be said in marriage. You allow a person to be intelligent and creative you will be happily surprised. If you micro-manage them you will only get the minimum possible.

Answer 3

This is a great question. I remember before my wife took meds for depression she would lash out at me an dthe next moment be very nice to a friend on the phone. It was like selective behavior because I never saw her treat friends or strangers the way she treated me. She is now much better and I do think it was a medical issue but why only with me?

Answer 4

That is a really good question. Usually I have observed that people that are like that treat everyone in their own home like second class citizens.

We have it one step beyond here - my husband treats strangers on the street with more respect and kindness than he does anyone in our household. He will always go the extra mile to help someone else out, makes plans with them and then follows through on his promises, etc., as long as we don't expect anything from him once he walks in the door, then peace reigns supreme.

Can't tell you how often I have been told what a wonderful guy he is - a great father and husband - from people who only see him outside the walls of this house.

It's a puzzle.

Answer 5

One is that they do not know Jesus and the principles of how couples are to treat each other in a marriage. People feel that the children will not disrespect them as their spouse would and that they will always have the children if the spouse leaves so they make choices. What every marriage needs is Jesus. Because without Jesus there is no marriage. God bless you.

Answer 6

If that's true, which I cannot verify, then that probably happens because their kids are theirs. They physically created them, or at least really really wanted them, and love them very much. Some parents view the kids as extensions of themselves until they hit a certain age, but the other spouse is always just another person, with no solid connection other than the love and marriage. You can divorce your spouse but it's harder to divorce your kids, if that makes any sense at all.

Answer 7

i do not forget that this should not be the common vote, and by no skill the straightforward way. i trust from what you've stated that you need to get separated and get your self into counseling and right into a strong courting with God. it will be that once you're diverse, he would even see that in order to stay married he might want to substitute. If he transformations, you would have a competent courting. i trust we elect companions because we've some thing to coach them and some thing to study from them. the a lot less properly suited you look after the vows, the better artwork it takes to work out what those instructions are and to implement them. it will be that no longer some thing will substitute his habit with the aid of the undeniable fact that's so ingrained. in which case, divorce is probable inevitable. The unpopular portion of my handle that's that i trust Jesus taught that one would no longer remarry till their better 1/2 is unfaithful. So even as you may want to divorce, i do not trust God might want to honor you "shifting on" contained in the experience of a sparkling courting till your husband is sexually unfaithful to you. i do not forget that would properly be perplexing. Staying and pretending shouldn't help some thing, and it may get you damage or killed. Getting help would propose that you cultivate a better effective courting than you ever dreamed conceivable. that is not uncomplicated. It skill doing the perplexing artwork and leaving the leads to God's palms. i trust he's straightforward and could be depended on. yet on your mission, i might want to comprehend why you would no longer sense as confident. Please discover someone who can assistance you and help you discover protection first and optimal. artwork on healing your self and coming up your courting with God.

Answer 8

well you never know whats really going on in the marriage so them being mean to each other might be because they are unhappy. And being nice to the kids is because they have NO FAULT!! if they are bad its because you made them bad...therfore you can only be angry with yourself. Plus they are like an extenison of you as a person so you tend to treat them as you would treat yourself. they are your blood! I would choice my kids over my husband any day of the week!!! They were born of me...I would be nicer to them everything more then my husband!!!

Answer 9

That's not true in every house...especially not in mine. I don't call my husband names, nor my children. The word "stupid" is a bad word in my house. So is "shut up". It's all about respecting each other.

From what you say, it sounds like your friends wife has no class to be calling her husband names in front of you as well as her children.

Answer 10

People often treat strangers better than their spouses. It makes no sense to me either! Maybe they think they won't go anywhere.