Date Rape??

Question

My family believes I was date raped, but I am feeling confused. I went out with some friends. There is one in particular that I found attractive and although I enjoyed the attention & the flirting in my sober mind had no intention or desire to act on this attraction. The drinks came frequently and fast. It was all fun as far as I can remember until I can't remember. I black out before even leaving the bar. Once we get back to my friends house I remember only foggy moments, but not any contact. The next thing I know I am waking up in my bed. The next day my friend tells me I had sex. At first I felt like this was just a really embarassing thing that happened while I was in a black out. I felt horrible, but never felt like I could blame anyone, but myself. I continued to be some what friendly with these people because still I felt embarassed and responsible. Sober I would have not consented. I feel so confused & violated, but have a hard time calling what happened date rape.

Per my friend I was not passed out and it was consentual, but I know that legally If you get a girl drunk or high and then get together with her you have committed a sexual assault. If you do this and then have sex with her it is rape. If you do not get a girl drunk or high but you know she is when you have sex you have committed rape. If you are unaware that a girl is drunk or high and you have sex with her you could be charged with rape. Even if you too are drunk or high when you have sex with a girl who is drunk or high you could be charged with rape. It is not a sufficient defense to say, “I was wasted too!”.

Answer 1

That's on the fence. You don't remember it happening so you can't say whether you said yes or no. BUT a man is only supposed to have sex with a woman when she has to ability to say yes with an objective mind. It's really how you want to perceive it and if you really want to persue a rape case. Otherwise you can chaulk it up to a bad experience to learn from.

1. Don't drink so much so fast

and

2. Don't leave your drink alone, something could have been slipped in your drink (If that was the case then it is a definite case of date rape).

Answer 2

First off as a woman you should never leave your drink unattended or let someone buy you a drink without the bartender handing it to you personally. People will stop at nothing to get what they want and if you blacked out and had sex with someone that you didn't consent to its considered rape. If I were you I would feel completely violated. If they were truly your friends and they knew that you had blacked out, then for the rest of the night they would have kept an eye on you so that nothing else happened, whether it been you blacking out again or someone trying to take advantage of you. You say you feel like you cant blame anyone but you can. If someone slipped something in your drink then you ultimately lost every ounce of control you had and that man will go to jail. Don't run from this do what is right. No one has the right to take anything from you and that's exactly what he did!!!!!

Answer 3

you have a right to be confused. i would be too.
i don't believe you can call it rape when you don't know what happened.
people who are drunk are less inhibited, so it may be possible that you consented.
on the other hand, people are sometimes gotten inebriated and drugged on purpose so they can be taken advantage of.

pay attention to the people you went out with. if they're acting normal than i would suspect nothing untoward happened.

have you talked to the guy? how does he behave around you??
if he felt guilty about something then he would act guilty as well.

i would put this down as a terrible mistake and make sure you have control over the amount you drink in the future.

i wish you better days ahead.

Answer 4

What happened to you was clearly date rape, in that you did not give consent for some unknown make to have intercourse with you.

While you weaken your case by not being medically examined immediately after your experience (blood test for GHB, the drug that someone likely spiked your drink with, DNA test to identify the male who had sex with you, etc.), you should make a report to the police and at the very least, send a signal to your "friends" that you were NOT a consenting sex partner.

If you don't at the very least file a police report, those "men" will get the idea that you were OK with being raped and will likely TRY IT AGAIN.

Your other option is to publicly tell your friends that they could've saved themselves the trouble of drugging you by simply saying, "All you had to do was ask for sex and I may have said yes..."

The fact that you still associate with these guys indicates that you have low self esteem - these lowlifes are probably giving each other high-fives behind your back.

Answer 5

it could have been. you might even have been drugged. but if you were knowingly drinking THAT much, then you do have some responsibility. you shouldnt have put yourself in that position. but if you had blacked out before leaving the bar, then your friends should have been more responsible and taken you home! and the BAR is at fault because they are legally not allowed to serve alcohol to a drunk person, which you apparently were. so everyone here had a role in what happened.

unfortionitly, unless this happened last night or MAYBE within the past few days, there is no way to tell if you were drugged. you would have to get blood work to see if its in your system. i would call your dr and find out how long it would show in your bloodstream, and if it falls within the elapsed time, go get that bloodwork done.

hopefully your friends can fill you in on some more details, but you need to watch yourself in the future. for all you know, you said yes. i know once i got completely wasted, 3 guys (my friends) were buying me drink after drink after drink. i knew i couldnt drive, so we all went back to this one guys house. one left shortly later, one passed out on the couch, and the homeowner asked if i wanted to sleep in his bed with him. i said yes!! i was sooo drunk that i wanted to sleep with him. i know i would never have done it sober, but i wasnt sober and my rationality was long gone. he could easily have taken advantage of the situation, but he was a friend, and a good guy, and he didnt (well, not that time at least ;) i got drunk with him a few weeks later - but i was being naughty that time)

i'm really sorry about what happened to you. i know its really scarey and you feel taken advantage of, but maybe this guy was as drunk as you were, you wont know unless someone can give you more insight. just be really careful in the future.

Answer 6

U clearly stated that u blacked out before even leaving the bar so it seems that your friend took advantage of your vulnerability. I'm sure it was probably obvious and u were taking advantage of....That's probably why the drinks came pretty fast...the faster u drink the faster u get drunk...They wanted u drunk and fast...I would talk to a counselor and maybe they can give u insight and help u deal with the issue...

Answer 7

sometimes we all have to learn the hard way. don't blame the guy and say it was rape simply because you made the decison to get so drunk that you blacked out. you are utimatly in control of how much you drink. when you are in the midst of a 'black out' other people may not realize how drunk you are. tell your friends your not drinking any more because of what happened. if they don't accept that, it should be a red flag to you to stop hanging out with them and you can't trust them..... friends are supposed to look out for eachother! btw - if there is time maybee you could get tested to see if they slipped you any drugs then it would be rape

Answer 8

This is a difficult situation and it all depends on your circumstances. Was this other guy as drunk as you? Have you blacked out before after drinking a lot? If not, maybe something was put in your drink. If you have blacked out or have a history of it, I do think its up to you not to put yourself in that position (dont drink so much). It kinda sounds like it all got outta hand. Everyone was drinking too much. You may not have had any intention of having sex with anyone, but nobody knew that.
Personally, if it were me, I would be the one feeling responsible (since I drank myself silly) and would learn from my mistake.

Answer 9

I truly understand what is going on through your thoughts, because this exact thing happened to my best friend. What I would recommend for you to do is to comfront the guy and let him know what you feel and what they told you happened in between you 2. He should have some answers for you unless he blacked out too. But that is the best you can do, I know it is going to be embarrasing at first but once you start getting answers from him you will feel better. If you cant comfront him in that way you should have one of your close friends talk to him about what happened. Give it a try, the worst has already happened. Good Luck

Answer 10

It's date rape if you were drugged, or said no. It's not rape if you got so drunk that you passed out, and don't remember anything. You need to learn how much is too much to drink. Learn to say no to alcohol. The only way you could find out if you were drugged, is with a blood test. I don't know how long ago this happened, but if it was within the last day or so, you may be able to still get a test done. Let this incident be a lesson learned, and don't make the same mistake again. Good luck!