My wife has gained about 80lbs since we got married 4 years ago and now she is 3 months pregnant and will probably gain another 40-50lbs. I have been losing my attraction to her due to her large weight gain. I can't even make love to her anymore due to her size and my level of attraction for her. It is not fair how life can deal me this kind of fate. How can I get her to lose her weight?
2006-11-10 03:17:50 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
While I am sure that many women will totally destroy you for this question, I think you are wise to seek some advice now before it is too late. The lack of physically attraction to your wife will likely lead you to peruse your sexual release in other ways. At first you might seek out some internet porn, but that will likely tempt you toward getting another girl on the side or taking a trip without the wife to a place where sexy young skinny girls are easily available. Once you take that path then you will probably have some beautiful, exotic, skinny, 18-24 year old girl "in love" with you and then you might find yourself in divorce court with so many problems you would never believe.
I don't really care who you vote for the points on this question, because of all the questions I've ever answered this one is the most important one yet. This could be the saving point of your marriage and the lives of your family including your baby are at stake here. If you choose to listen to me, then I think you have a chance.
First, you need to approach the issue with caution and sensitivity. No one likes to be told they are getting fat even if they know they are. Your wife is already probably very emotional from being pregnant so you must proceed with extra caution. However, her pregnancy might work in your advantage. Have a talk with her and the doctor about what you both can do to help insure the health of the baby AND your wife. If your doctor has any brains at all she/he will catch on to the fact that your wife is getting too fat and it might be something the doctor would suggest that your wife take action to help.
After the baby is born and the doctor has cleared her to exercise, try to see if the doctor can suggest a workout program for your wife so she can get back in shape. You should go with her to the gym or wherever she plans to work out if possible. You should also be very supportive in any way you can such as following a nutritious diet and exercise program on your own. It will be more motivating to her if she sees you working out and watching what you eat too.
It will be a lot harder if your doctor doesn't see the need for your wife to lose weight. You will likely have to wait until after your child is born to do anything. However, let me be very clear with you... if you do not do something to help your wife lose weight you WILL regret it later. Be honest, but be very sensitive too.
Finally, don't let yourself get pulled into porn or cheating. It is a path that will lead you to more unhappiness. You have a child coming now and that child needs a father. Find a way to help your wife lose weight and save your marriage.
2006-11-10 03:36:32 · answer #1 · answered by Roger S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How about a couples membership to a Fitness Club when she delivers the baby. She should take it as you wanting to help her lose the "baby fat", and if you keep on going regularly together, then she will continue to lose the baby fat and also some of the excess weight that she has gained. Make sure that you go regularly with her. You could probably use some toning up yourself.
Now that that is said, where do you get off with the comment of "....It's not fair how life can deal me this kind of fate." Are you the exact same person now that you were when she married you? Probably not. So, while she is working on losing her weight...you need to work on your self-centeredness. The whole world does not revolve around you. Have you ever thought about why she gained all that weight? Maybe there are some issues within you that you need to deal with before you go trashing her.
2006-11-10 05:40:58 · answer #2 · answered by lildragonlexi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm
Well, your avoidance of love making can also be subconscious. Some men find a pregnant woman to be the most attractive thing ever created. Some find the idea of making love to a woman with something growing inside her uncomfortable.
The weight gain is actually quite common when people get married. What can you do about it - tactfully? I have a suggestion: Lead by example. I'll explain.
You want to talk to her doctor - privately. You can do this with tact, simply by letting him know that you are personally uncomfortable with the weight she's gained and you were about to suggest that the two of you start a regimen of healthy eating and exercise when she realized she was pregnant. Ask the doctor what you can both do to help ensure the health and safety of the fetus and your wife. What foods should she be eating and how much of it?
Then, when it's time to go shopping for food - YOU go buy what you have researched and discussed with her doctor. Usually the doctor will have the ability to refer you to a dietician who will have recipes using the best foods for her health and the unborn child's health. If you still love her, I think you owe it to yourself (and to her) to lead by example. You will get the groceries (so she doesn't buy fattening foods), you can cook or help cook, and you can work with her doctor on what kind of exercises she needs to be doing. Guess what? You'll be doing all of this with her.
2006-11-10 03:34:49 · answer #3 · answered by stevegoryan 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, don't make her feel bad, she's having a baby and she should not be dieting at this time. Tell her you love her and give her affection, maybe not sex, because women tend to be emotional eaters and not feeling loved will make her eat more.
Tell her something like this, " You know, I have been really feeling unhealthy lately and would like to get on track with a healthier diet and lifestyle." Ask her to exercise with you(try some light walking first, she will probably be out of shape), enlist her help in planning healthy meals for the two of you. Don't buy the sugary drinks and sweets anymore. She may continue to gain, but she will be changing her habits for the better. She may like the new found energy that comes with being healthy, and she'll be giving the baby a more healthy start. Continue exercising with her even after the baby is born. Get a couples gym membership(make sure you tell her it's because you really need her moral support with your new lifestyle). You'll be healthier for this too! But never, ever insult her or make her feel bad.
2006-11-10 07:14:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be discouraged my friend. What you do after the pregnancy is suggest that you two exercise or go to the gym together. That way you two can bond more and rekindle your marriage. When a woman gets pregnant she gains weight but after the pregnancy she loses some weight. Just don't give up because you still love her and she still loves you. Ask God to help you and He will began to touch your heart on behalf of your wife. God made you two marriage and He will heal your marriage. Do you believe that?Well it is true and He will do all that we ask or think. Stay encourage and know that things can and will change. God bless you.
2006-11-10 03:54:17 · answer #5 · answered by tfjfiggers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have an affair on her. Seriously, have an affair with a picture of her from 4 years ago. Never insult her, but let her know how gorgeous she was and is. Emphasize your wedding picture and how beautiful that she was.
Part 2. make sure that you are in shape as well. Pick up some curl bars and work on your biceps. She will notice the better looking you.
Part 3. Let her know that you love her very much and show her lots of affection, even if you have to force it for a while.
i.e. make her WANT to be attractive for you, the weight loss will follow.
It will be a process but it will be worth it, because when a woman starts feeling sexy.........Damn!!!!
Good luck
2006-11-10 03:29:12 · answer #6 · answered by Big Marc 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Encourage her to lose weight (after the baby is born) by asking her to join a gym with you or telling her you think you 'both' can stand to lose a few and go out for walks. Even if she does get angry, at least she will know how you feel (even with these little hints) and she may do something about it.
2006-11-10 03:22:53 · answer #7 · answered by JC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You'll get alot of bashing for this question. But, I agree with you. I don't understand why some people let themselves go once they get married. The tactful and nice thing would be to say "Honey, I want you to be around for a long time. I love you and am concerned for your health. I want to help you be healthier" or just tell her YOU want to lose weight and need a partner to motivate you. And then you guys can walk together in the afternoons or something and start eating healthier.
2006-11-10 03:24:30 · answer #8 · answered by Lotus 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I never understand why so many females bash a man that would ask this question.
Ladies this is a health issue not a beauty issue. Men and women both need to watch their weight.
Not only do you owe it to your spouse to be:
Faithful, loving, kind, supportive, honest, and attentive to their romantic and sexual needs.
You have an obligation to take care of yourself.
Why is that so tough to understand?
2006-11-10 05:15:06 · answer #9 · answered by onlineseeker 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't make her want to loose weight or to become healthier.
That is HER decision. The only person in life that you can change is yourself. So either learn to accept her as she is or leave. Leaving may hurt her but I'm sure that having a husband that doesn't love her for who she is, is MUCH worse.
2006-11-10 03:30:07 · answer #10 · answered by Malie 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋