he says that he doesn't to talk to me dirty because i am his wife, and he feels that it is disrespectful. how do i help understand that dirty talk actually turns me on?
2006-11-10 02:31:50 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband has what's commonly known as a "Madonna/Whore complex." Which means that in his mind there are "good girls" and "bad girls."
"Good girls" are the ones you respect, date, bring home to mom, introduce to your friends, marry, have children with, worship, and bore to tears in the bedroom. "Bad girls" are the ones who do nasty things in the bedroom, the ones you fantasize about, the ones you don't want to be seen with, but want.
Most of the time, this complex is the result of a warped religious upbringing. He needs to get over it. You're not a porcelain doll. And in the bedroom you're not a "mother" and "his wife," you're a living breathing woman with urges and needs who deserves to be properly satisfied by her husband. That's his job, to give you what you need. Not to worship you like a saint.
My advice is to tell him in no uncertain terms that this is what you want and need to be sexually satisfied. And if he refuses to do it, then you go right ahead and do it for yourself. Maybe just hearing the words will loosen him up and give you a little of what you need until he gets with the program.
2006-11-10 03:03:58 · answer #1 · answered by wineboy 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Communication in ANY type of relationship is difficult. When it comes to sex, it is even more so. Did you have sex before you got married and/or did he know you like to talk dirty?
Is this something new to you that you want him to talk dirty to you and if so, why? If you have truly explained to him that this "turns you on" and you still cannot get him to do it then I suggest that you seek counseling. You could forget about it but I am sure in the back of your mind you are going to be wanting for him to do so right? It is better to take care of the "problem" now, the correct way and don't let it grow into something that can truly affect your sex life.
Maybe he is just embarrassed? Maybe start off with simple "little dirty words" and work him on from there.
2006-11-10 02:41:57 · answer #2 · answered by nowhere 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be pretty clear about what kind of dirty talk you are interested in. Some people think dirty talk means 'yeah baby that feels soo good' and other people think it means 'suck it you worthless *** dumpster'. He may be a little worried about going overboard, or maybe what he's thinking is a little more disrespectful then what you imagine, or maybe he just needs to know that you actually do want to roleplay it that far.
2006-11-10 02:55:37 · answer #3 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem my husband said it was disrespectful. Tell him how much it would turn you on in the bedroom. That would benefit him. Maybe it would make you more wild in the bedroom. Give him incentives as to why he should talk dirty to you. It helps with the sex in a way where you dont have to go and get it from someone else. You want it from him. I can vouch it makes for more intresting play in the bedroom. Also he may feel unsecure because when all is said and done he doesnt want you to come back on him for something he said during sex. That is what my husband told me.
2006-11-10 02:45:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he thinks that it is disrespectful then he was probably brought up to think that. Does he talk at all in bed? Probably not. Start off by talking to him in bed. No to profane just basic stuff. Ask him provocative question in bed that require an answer, like 'Do you like this?' or 'Baby would you (fill in the blank) me here'
Once he is comfortable talking in bed then you can encourage more sexual content.
Remember to reward him for his effort and be very careful with correcting him.
Good luck!!
2006-11-10 03:10:46 · answer #5 · answered by Big Marc 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Gently explain to him that it's just something that you want him to do when you are being intimate. Try talking dirty to him, I am sure he will realise then that it can be a huge turn on. Remind him that a wife should be a cook in the kitchen, a slag in the bedroom and a lady in company. Good luck.
2006-11-10 02:55:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well next time you are having sex start talking dirty to him. Then prove how much it turns you on. Tell him to just start out with just a few dirty things then add a little each time.
2006-11-10 04:46:36 · answer #7 · answered by Diddly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you appreciate the fact that he respects you. But hey when you two are in the bedroom, make that place a whole different world. That everything is just "pretend" and whatever said or done, stays in the bedroom. You initiate it. Let him start small and say just a couple of things, maybe he'll come around.
2006-11-10 02:38:03 · answer #8 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i don't see why not he won't talk dirty with if you like it.you know men how they can be.in my own relationship (with my husband),i started the dirty talks.i even send dirty mails and sms to him.initially he would not respond but now he talks back and enjoys doing it.it draws both persons closer.try my style.
2006-11-10 02:48:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him. Maybe start by talking dirty to him? See where it goes from there.
Maybe he feels uncomfortable doing that. If he does, don't press the issue.
2006-11-10 02:33:24 · answer #10 · answered by BVC_asst 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋