what is it called when someone always gives themselves the worst.. example in side!?

Question

if i have a choice to do this i always pick the worse!
if i'm cooking and there are 2 peices of chicken why do i always take the one with the most fat on it i hate the fat i will not eat it but i give the best peice to the other person.in that case my lover..
but if i'm at work and there are 2 spoons left and one fell on the floor i would take that one and leave the good one for someone else!
why do i alwasy save the worse for myself!

Answer 1

You're a self-acknowledged underdog.


Different people, dependant on their strengths.... will adopt different positions in life.... and they're very comparable to those of other social species... like wolves, for instance.


It seems subconsciously that you have automatically designated yourself as underdog. You will typically go for the worst pieces and save the best for others because you fear subconsciously that if you took the best pieces that it would lower your peers' opinions of you... and potentially make them aggressive toward you. Since the idea of confrontation probably makes you uncomfortable, you try to avoid that possibility by taking that which you presume nobody else would want.... therefore you wouldn't be stepping on anyone else's toes.

As such you feel that you are safest when you are not challenging anyone else's authority, that you may stay on their good side and be protected by them against outsiders.


I, on the other hand, have the mentality of an alpha male in a matriarchal system.... That basically means that I will reserve the best pickings for whoever I perceive to be the head female... and take the next best for myself before anyone else can get at it. I tend to be aggressive toward anyone except the "alpha female" who attempts to take what I perceive to be mine.... and doubly aggressive to anyone but the alpha female who goes for the best pickings.

I'm not really sure why I'm like this..... but it may be that I was brought up the eldest son of a single mother... i.e. raised by my mother alone and having to keep my younger brother in check.

Answer 2

it's called an unhealthy need for acceptance, whether from yourself and/or others, mixed with unselfishness. there is a difference- and a balance between the two is recommended.

your lover might not know that you don't like fat and so may not appreciate the unselfish act anyway. so this comes from telling yourself "i'm a good person because i gave him the piece that i think is better" and falls under the category of seeking self-acceptance(which is a misnomer because true self-acceptance would be recognizing that you want the leaner piece, and you're o.k. with having it).

same with the spoon situation-unless someone saw that the spoon fell on the floor. then that would be a need for acceptance from someone else.

i hope you washed the spoon.

good luck. i hope this helps.

Answer 3

Well from one view it could just be that you are being "nice"; however, the fact that you are asking why you do this as if you are starting to think it has become a problem....it may be more than being nice....It is called being co-dependent, putting everyone else above yourself, which isn't always a good thing.
I suggest going to a few Co-DA meetings and seeing if that is the problem. The meetings will help you be nice, but not at the expense of being able to be nice to yourself, for if you won't who will?????
Take Care and know being nice isn't the same as being someone else's doormat!!!!

Answer 4

I completely understand. I am like this too, I take the worse for myself and leave the best for someone else. You know what I think? I think you are a thoughtful person and deep down inside, you want what's best for the people you love. It's not a bad thing .=)

Answer 5

There is a difference between a 'good selfish' and 'bad selfish'. Think about situations as you encounter them. If you are rationally behaving in a way that promotes your health/well-being/financial situation, that's good selfish. If you pursue something just so others can't get it, consider that bad selfish. You will have to sort it out for yourself. Consciously make the effort to engage in 'good selfish' behavior. You will notice a big difference.

Answer 6

I am very sorry to hear this. You need to allow yourself to feel that you are worthy and also deserve the best. Good luck and God bless. It is not a selfish thing to think you deserve the best things out of life if you are willing to work towards getting them.

Answer 7

I do the same thing. I was brought up to believe in putting others before myself. I have no issues with it, although others might. The technical term for it is 'unselfish'.

Answer 8

Self sacrificing or self deprecatory. You could also have an inferiority complex. You think you are not deserving of the best.

Answer 9

Yes, I know what you mean....I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of females can relate to your question!
I think a term that's used for this is martyr.