I want to leave my husband but I have no where to go?

Question

I love my husband but he makes my life so misreble I never know where I am with him, One minute he is kind and loving and the next he can be so evil to me, (not physical just emotional). Its not just me my son is nearly 8 and my husband has been his father since he was 4 but he can be so mean to him as well (even thought my son dotes on him it wont be long b4 he begins to feel as bad as I do with the up and down moods)
I feel it is best for my sons sake and mine if im honest, i would love to make it work but there doesnt seem to be anything worth fighting for he certainly isnt making any effort, he can fall out with me over nothing and sleep in the spare room for two weeks ignoreing me and my son until i have to sort it all out it would carry on forever if i didnt break the ice.
Any way basically im trapped I have no where to go, there is no way he will leave the house (we have a joint mortgage) and I have no where else to go no family or friends (he is not keen on me having friends)

help what can I do
How fast could i get a council house, I cant go too far as i have my job and my sons school to think about

Answer 1

have you ever tried relate or something like that .it soundss like he wont be interested but you love him so you should ask unless you think it would make things worse . maybe he has a friend you could get to talk to him. please be carefull . may god lead you.good luck

Answer 2

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Answer 3

OK - you need to plan this. I was in a similar situation and left without planning and got myself into all sorts of difficulties.

The first thing you need to do is save - save money for a month's deposit on a property and possible other fees (another £100 say).

I'm assuming that if you have a job you are paying art of the mortgage. So the next thing to do is go and see your martgage lender. Tell them that you and your husband are splitting up and that you no longer want to be responsible for the mortgage. Then cancel all your standing orders for payments to the lender. When it falls into arrears your husband will be contacted bout refinancing or selling the property - but that will behis problem then. Do not feel guilty about this - it is all he deserves. Whereas, hopefully, your credit rating won't suffer as much if the morgate lender is aware thatyou are no longer living in the property.

Next find a rental property that costs approximately what you have been paying out in mortgage. Pay your deposit and arrange a moving date.

If you fear that your husband will be violent or stop you taking your things from the house make sure your son is looked after for moving day and try to get some freinds or colleagues to help you. Easier though if you can get hubby out of the way. Try to have at least your son's room set up before birnging him back again so he feels less disrupted by it all.

I know I make it sound easy - but this is what I would have done if I'd known then what i know now. I ended up on freind's floors for a couple of months and then almost bankrupted myself paying mortgage and rent. My bank just said I should have let them know earlier and they would have sent me papers to get my name removed from the mortgage title.

Answer 4

Nobody needs to feel "trapped" in a bad marriage. This man is keeping you from having friends...this means he's a control freak and is definitely emotionally abusive. You need to leave and take your son with you. He's getting a lesson in how to be emotionally abusive to women if you stay. There are shelters for abused women all over the country. Emotional abuse counts. They'll help you find a job and a place to rent when you can afford it. As to the house and mortgage, once you file for divorce your husband will, most likely, have to either buy out your share or sell the house and split the money with you. Either way, you'll get money to move on with. If you can't find a shelter, find a church and ask the pastor to help you. There's help available, so get going. You will respect yourself more and your son will see a strong mother, not an abused one. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 5

I'm really sorry you are in this situation. If you have the courage, take your next pay check and rent somewhere. It need only be a studio flat, somewhere really cheap. Sort this out while you are waiting to get paid. If he has control over the bank account, tell your work you are in the process of changing bank accounts and could you have the cash / cheque. If its a cheque you can get them cashed at the post office. Get your flat sorted and also ring your local housing benefit office and ask for an application form. They will back date all payments from the day you ring. You will get money for being a single parent, wont have to pay council tax and get your rent paid for. I know it sounds bad but you will probably be better off giving up work until you get on your feet. It sounds stupid but you are likely to get more help being a single mother not working than with a job.

Dont let your partner bully you. You can do something about it. Just make sure you really want to do it because the biggest damage you can cause your son is leaving and then going back, leaving and then go back. He needs stability. He can get that from one parent but you have to be sure you are doing the right thing.

Good luck

Answer 6

firstly do not call the police they have a way of misinterpretation your type of situation. there is other means of help out there for people like you has you have a Young son interest to look after. try applying for a council flat or if you have enough personal saving get an apartment and get your local council to pay the housing benefit, since by then your income would be considerable low.and make sure you try and separate your joint account if he disagrees, there loads of solicitors ready to take your case up. GOOD LUCK. it might take some time.

Answer 7

Firstly you don't have to go anywhere. Tell him you want a divorce and move into the spare room. If he becomes in any way violent you can get an injunction could possibly get an occupation order to remove him from the house. Consult a solicitor. Hopefully you will be eligible for legal aid. Your husband will have to negotiate a settlement, if he doesn't you can take him to court and they will get a settlement. As you have a child the Court's main concern is that the child has a roof over his head. As your husband has treated your son as his own he is a child of the family and therefore he will be required to pay maintenance for him. The Court may allow you to stay in the house if it is financially viable. With working family tax credit you can perhaps return to work and be able to pay a mortgage. There should be plenty of options if you look into them. Get yourself good legal advice so you can consider your options. Hopefully this will be enough to give him a good kick up the proverbials and you can sort things out. Tell him you will not put up with this behaviour anymore and unless he treats you and your son better, you will have no option but to divorce him. Good luck. It will be a rough journey but stand up for yourself and it will all work out in the end!

Answer 8

What a jerk. Well, at least you have a job. That is the first thing you need right now. Check your local apt. listings. Around here a lot of places have $99 move in specials. Some people will work with you on the deposit. You can rent a tiny place.My daughter and I once lived in a studio apt. So be resorseful on things like that. For example in a 1 bedroom the dining room can be a bedroom. Apply for any assistance you may qualify for such as food stamps, daycare asistance and energy assistance. Get out and start making friends.

Answer 9

I have been there. From what I understand, whether he is on the mortgage or not, since you have a small child, you CAN make him leave legally until the divorce. My husband just threw me out in the street. I could have made him leave but had I done so, I would have had to see him everyday since his boss lives next door so luckily my pastor and his wife took me in for a time. If you don't want to call the police and make him leave, start applying now for emergency housing. It is everywhere. Start with the Dept. of Family and Children Services. They will tell you where to go. Do you not have any family or friends you could temporarily stay with? But like I said before, THROW HIS BUTT OUT! You CAN legally do it. If you want go to my profile to get my email address. I am going through the very same thing right now and it would be great (for both of us) to have someone to talk to. I know I'd really appreciate it.

Answer 10

mental abuse is worse than physical abuse ...you plan for this move ....You have stuck it out this long just a little longer want matter...You put up all the spare money you can...Go find a government housing ...Check into it and see how long it will take them to get you in and if it is a long time then you rent something like a mobile home or even a motel...But prepare you self first save all you can ....Go to a church and tell the pastor what is happening and ask Him for some help...do what ever it takes to get out ....Look in the paper for a room mate ..He dose not want you having Friends so he can have total con troll of you...knowing you have no one and no were to go but the minute he knows you do he will be so sweet and caring that is what should open your eyes to no that he has a real bad problem...And let you no that he no,s that if their is a way out for you he will be willing to change that is a bunch of bull that is how they work things .....God bless you through this but you do it for your son so he dose not grow up thinking this is the way you treat women...

Answer 11

Do not fret! There will always be somewhere for you to go. Do you have a friend at work who could put you up till you get a place? Look for places that are already vacant, which could allow you to move in soon. Otherwise a local womens refuge would be able to put you up till you get yourself sorted. Explain the situation to your boss, and they should feel for you and allow you some time off. I wish you well, really I do, when I decided to leave mine, I decided a month before. In this time I managed to sort a flat, pre payment from my employer, (and in cash) a bank account openend the day I applied, some where to stay till the falt was available, and re-direction of mail. It is do-able, divorce well on the way, awaiting my decree nisi, followed by decree absolute. This only happenend in md-late june this year. Chin up, you know what you wonna do, make it happen.