How can i get my husbands first childs mother to get over the fact that she isnt with him, he left her for me, and that i dont want any issues with her... i want them to be ok with each other for their child and our soon be one... how can i get her to grow up and realize that she is hurting her daughter more than she is getting back at my husband????????
2006-11-10 01:39:38 · 14 answers · asked by red.one9luv 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I read some of the other answers and I feel for you. I am also in the exact, exact, exact situation you are in. The only difference is I have 2 boys from a previous marriage, but with my husbands ex, we have both come to realize there is no civilizing with her. We just pay his child support and go on with our lives, it sounds ugly, and yeah the child is missing out, but, if the mother would realize that their relationship is over, regardless of whether we were in the picture or not, then maybe things would be ok. And to all of you out there who are bashing her in this question......the facts remain, if she would of been doing her job at home as a wife should have been, then he would not have went elsewhere. Good luck to you honey, and my advice is this.......ignore her and tell him to stop trying to be the greatest dad in the world, because once she thinks y'all don't care anymore, then she will start to change, the kid is just a weapon right now for her to use against your husband........laugh in her face, cause the facts are this..........You got her man and she's got a screaming kid she has to deal with.
2006-11-10 07:09:51 · answer #1 · answered by dixiegirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it will Not happen. First you are the focal point of her disappointment. She doesn't want to think his leaving her has anything to do with their relationship, but you are the sole and only reason they are no longer together. You and I both know when me leave permanently there were issues to big to resolve, especially when a child is involved. You will never be friends with this woman and her pain is so severe she is unable to focus on what she's doing to her child. Someone, not you, needs to help her get into counseling so she can move thru the pain and on with her life. You will always have issues with her, learn to work around the issues for the sake of your baby and theirs. Good luck.
2006-11-10 09:46:02 · answer #2 · answered by crkristy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he left her for you, don't expect for her to be civil. In an ideal world, she would be hurt, acknowledge that he chose someone else and move on. But this is the real world: she had his child, he left her for you. It's not like they broke up and then he started dating someone else, you were in the picture before they were over. OUCH! And, to add insult to injury, he's expecting a child with you.
I agree; it's an ugly situation for her daughter. But be honest with yourself: did you really think that she was going to be ok and see,
"Gee...I guess the better woman won...good luck! I hope you're both happy"? That's not realistic. When you got involved with him, it was obvious that you were going to have issues going in. In her mind, she's not going to be OK with him until he's as miserable as she or worse.
I'm not slamming you, I'm just saying that if the situation were reversed I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be as civil as you hope she will be. I have to be honest about this situation and how it's impacting her. To expect her to be gracious is just wishful thinking. She human and she's hurt; there's no way you could have not seen this coming.
2006-11-10 09:54:39 · answer #3 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no way we can change that. Just be as civilized at possible and try not to let it get to you. Iknow it will hurt the child in the long run but all you can do is be strong for the child and think positive.
2006-11-10 09:43:01 · answer #4 · answered by shyhonney 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U can make peace by remaining peaceful on ur part. You must empathies with ex-wife for her loss of relationship....b'cos when one loses a cherished relation, one also loses reason. So it is for u to act peacefully and, if possible, try to be nice and cool (not cold) whenever u r face to face. Also, do not ever pick any fight with ur husband on this issue and never ever make comparisons with his ex.
Good Luck :)
2006-11-10 09:48:51 · answer #5 · answered by KK 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He cheated on her with you and left her for you? And you want there to be peace? Wow! I don't think her growing up is the issue here. Might I suggest a good hard look in the mirror!
2006-11-10 10:49:34 · answer #6 · answered by busymomof4 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like your husband ripped her heart out. You both conspired to break a marriage instead of fix it. I feel you played with fire and are feeling the heat.
She may calm down someday, but pain like that leaves scars especially when kids are involved.
2006-11-10 09:45:57 · answer #7 · answered by HonestGuy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave the whole situation. It is ALWAYS going to be your fault. I'm not denying his responsibility, but YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. If you don't like it, leave. By the way, you ought to know that YOU are hurting her daughter more than anyone else. Don't convince yourself that somehow you are a victim at all here. I don't know how you can sleep at night knowing that there's a little girl somewhere crying for her daddy and mommy to be together. I know, your happiness matters more right?
You need to leave and find God and just PRAY for forgiveness.
2006-11-10 09:47:49 · answer #8 · answered by lotzamoney4jocey 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You can't change anything. She doesn't want to talk to you.... She doesn't want to think about you...... Just be a kind as you can and limit YOUR contact with her...
If he left her for you and she already had a child with him watch out .... He might do the samething to you!!!!!
2006-11-10 09:49:07 · answer #9 · answered by DEBBY'S BABY 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Back off girl. You are treading ground that could get you hurt. In more ways than one! You know this.
2006-11-10 09:44:20 · answer #10 · answered by bountyhunter101 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋