do i have to send my 2yr old to her dads, even though she crys when he collects her?

Question

my ex has been granted access by the courts for our 2yr old daughter, but when he comes to collect her she cries and clings to me, if i refused to send her would i get into trouble with the family courts as it was them who awarded him access?

he has another child from a previous relationship and she has no contact with him (her choice) he also has anger issues and loses his temper very easily. that probably explains why i have concerns

Answer 1

This is difficult.. Legally you need to send her..

But we must get to the "root" of the problem so you can find relief and she can be happy and spend quality time with her daddy. It would be terrible for you and her to Have to dread him..
So, I Guess it depends on your relationship with the dad.. Can you discuss your concerns with him?
Will your daughter open up to and explain why she's so upset she has to go and see him? There could be a real serious reason she doesn't want to go there. Or, it could be one of the simple worries of a child and she just needs your help to heal the worry.
Most kids aren't direct and since she's 2, you may have to use pictures, or speak through dolls to get her to explain..

Answer 2

Yes, you would get into trouble. He could file a police report if you refused and then could turn around and use that in court to get full custody. What is the big deal, she is 2 years and is no way capable of making decisions for herself.

You didn't really explain if your ex is a bad father or not and since I am an optimist, I am going to assume that he is.

A father-daughter relationship is very important and needs to be nurtured as best as possible.

I know it is hard to walk away from a crying 2 year old, but she needs to spend time with her father to develope a relationship with him, so that she won't cry when it is time to go with Daddy.

Please keep in mind that I say this because you haven't really explained why she wouldn't want to go with him.

Answer 3

If he has a court order (sepparation agreement) then yes you do.
Believe it or not, going back to the courts would be a mistake. They will look at 2 things. 1. is he doing or saying something that scares/upsets her? 2. are YOU saying negative things about him to her? it's a double edged sword. TALK to her, 2 or not, she's a person. she'll tell you what's the matter. Always look her in the eye at her level, don't stand over her all dominat like.
And regardless of what others might say, doing things with the 3 of you is not the best solution, it just shows her that there is hope you will all be together again.

Answer 4

Yes, as it is through a court order that you would be violating.

Poor little lamb probably feels a bit insecure at the minute. What is your current relationship like with her dad? Would you be able to have a quiet chat with him about the situation without him losing his temper? It is probably as heart-rending for him as it is for you seeing her in distress.

Perhaps you could arrange a couple of visits at a neutral venue where you stay as well then gradually leave her for half an hour alone with him, then an hour the next time until in the end she is there for the whole time with him alone? It is probably continuity that will help her overcome this.

Answer 5

I remember when my daughter did that. it just broke my heart. I would cry for hours after she left.. The thing was she didn't. As hard as it is you have to do it. And yes you would get in trouble. Your husband could go get the police to inforce the court order. And you would be in contempt of court. My daughter is now 20 yrs old and has a wonderful relationship with her father. He was a horrible husband but a great father. You are very lucky that your ex wants to have a relationship with his daughter. Try to remain civil (as hard as that may be) and keep the lines of communactions open. and when she is away remember that he is her father and he loves her as well and will do everything in his power to make sure she is happy and safe. You go out and do something just for you when they are away. Good luck.

Answer 6

For one, the child is two years old....separation anxiety is at its peak at that age, especially when she is with you the most. It's normal for a child to cry when leaving the "safe" or "comfortable" zone, but it does not mean she does not have fun or enjoy being with him.

With that said, you should make note of it all just for CYA purposes, but I wouldnt take any crazy action for just crying. Of course, you know the situation better than me so I am just answering your basic question.

Also remember that just because you may not like him, for whatever reason, the courts granted him visitation.

Again, I dont know the situation at all other than the simple question asked.

Answer 7

Is your daughter clingy with you at other times - for instance if you drop her off at Granny's, or a freinds or nursery/kindergarten? If she is then you have to keep letting her go to see daddy - it is vital that kids remain in touch with loving parents.

Instead of asking her why she is crying make sure you ask her what she did with daddy when she returns. If she is all smiles and full of fun stories of what they did together remind her of this next time daddy comes to collect her. Make it something to look forward to for her sake even if you don't feel like it - just like you might if you were still together - say things like 'Daddy is coming to see you tommorrow isn't that exciting' or 'Daddy will be here in a minute, I wonder what fun things you can do together today?' Focus on the fun and the love rather than the crying. She needs to feel secure and loved by both of you if she is going to grow into the woman you would both wish her to be.

Answer 8

Talk to your ex and see if she cries once they are gone from you. Seperation anxiety is pretty bad for 2 year olds. My niece is almost 2. She use to want to go every where with me now she has a FIT if she thinks that she will have to go.

Plus when my step daughter was that age and I would do visitation pick up she would SCREAM bloody murder every time I picked her up. But as she got a little older it stopped.

If you have no reason to distrust your ex then it's probably just a phase.

Answer 9

It's not uncommon for a 2 year old to cry and cling to their mother when he or she is being taken away. I work with children and this happens a lot; it's perfectly natural for kids of this age to have seperation anxiety. So, unless you have another reason to suspect you shouldn't let your child see her father, it'd probably be best to abide by the court ruling.

I hope his helps.

Answer 10

Unfortunately, yes you would be in trouble if you don't let him have his visitation rights with her. Depending upon how you two are towards each other (civil or not) you should try & do something together for a little bit. The 3 of you should go to the park together & then walk away for a little bit each time & increase the increments of you being away....eventually your daughter will get the hints.