Can I trust her?

Question

I've recently gotten involved with a girl. I'm very much in love with her but things aren't running smoothly. She claims she's broken up with her ex (who was abusive) and is pregnant with his child. I accepted this as part and parcel of being with her and I've told her I would accept the responsibility of her child (effectively raising it as my own).

Now she's had two previous mis-carriages which is worrying for both of us and she's had to visit her ex to pick up the stuff she left behind. Whilst she was there she started bleeding and ended up going to hospital to be checked. The hospital says she's ok and that she should rest. She's told me she's staying at her ex's to rest before travelling up to stay with me and she says they are not sleeping together - she's got the bed and he's got the couch.

Can I trust her or am I right to be worried and perhaps a little suspicous?

Total travel time is 1.5 hours (by train and bus) and my local district hospital is only 3 miles away.

Answer 1

You shouldn't be involved with her, in my opinion.

Answer 2

You seem like really in-love guy so I would give it to you streight, I appologize in advance for not silencing on this, but you should be well aware of the fact that ex-boufriends, especially fathers of your baby (I don't wanna underestimate your readiness and desire to be the child's father, I admire that), are hard to forget. I say that cause I've been through it and I know: no matter the trash the exboyfriend may be... if the woman has the smallest feeling for him she will fall for him again the minute he treats her better than before even if it is for a little while.

My advise is, leave the worries till she comes back. When she does, talk to her you'd know if something had gone wrong. If she said the truth, than she's a keeper, love her hold her, and help her with her pregnancy, be happy.
If she didn't be careful, you still could give her a chance you know, but you should think it over whether it's worthy. Cause once you put up with one's ****, you respectively allow him/her to act like this in the future.

wish you all the best

Answer 3

If you're having these doubts now - before the baby is born - I think you may need to walk away from this relationship.
She will always have a close bond with this man due to the fact that they will have a child together - and will need to discuss things regarding the child - there may be occassions when she will have to stay for a weekend with the baby at his house etc.
I dont know if you can or cant trust her - buy emotionally can you handle the fact knowing that they will be you - her - the baby and the baby's father in the relationship? xx

Answer 4

Very tough. It sounds a bit dodgy but you know what? This time, just give her the benefit of the doubt. Just keep an eye on the situation. This is a one off and could be harmless - you don't wanna go in throwing accusations around because you will only upset her and yourself, and could lose her.
Forget it this time, but I'd be worried if this 'ex' thing became a regular occurrence.

Answer 5

That sounds like a lot of drama, and you might not want to be bothered. That is going to be a very odd situation, especially once the child is born. If you've only been dating just recently, it's probably a good idea to get out now. She shouldn't even be thinking about dating new people while she's pregnant! She has a baby to focus on!! You don't want a chick like that!

Answer 6

I'll bet she knows you're in love with her and would do anything to support her and her present travails. Be careful she doesn't unfairly take advantage of you. She most likely still has some unreconciled feeling for a man with whom she was in a relationship, and got her pregnant. I'd try to persuade her to get to your neck of the woods ASAP. She needs lots of patience from you right now, too- hormones can do a real number on her perspective at this time.

Answer 7

What I'm thinking is, she is waiting to see if his ex. will accept her again or not. If not then she will come to you...
Brother, you are better to be aware of her. Cause this is one-side love.. U have some feeling about her. But she does not. She is with you cause she needs a back up.
At the end, think more... and do the best thing.

Answer 8

It's ok to be supportive and nice to her but slow it down. You've RECENTLY got involved with her and are now going to be father to her child!!!! Are you nuts? Why are you in such a hurry?

I'm sorry but some girls really get a kick out of drama and she sounds like a classic case. Exercise caution.

Answer 9

I wonder what she's saying about you to her ex. Do you think she's told him about you? Re-read what you've asked - you already know the answer. Do we really have to spell it out to you?

At the very least she is back with her ex. You may find he isn't abusive. She however does sound it. Have you ever heard a guy saying, 'my wife doesn't understand me.' And the woman he's with feels sorry for him, and thinks she can mend whatever needs fixed? Well, your girlfriend sounds like that guy. Walk away my friend, you're being played.

Have you lent her money?

Answer 10

Doesn't sound like she will be in any position to be unfaithful, what with the bleeding and everything. Let her rest, the journey to yours would be too much for her. The last thing she needs at the moment is your jealousy and paranoia. If I were you I'd be worried that he was going to thump her, not that she was going to sleep with him!

Answer 11

Something ain't right here! Your correct to be suspicious. IF she were still in the relationship I would attribute the situation to learned helplessness. But you say shes not in that relationship, yet she is going back to a so called dangerous environment. I think you need to sit down with her and ask her who she is really in love with!