i need some serious advice??

Question

i have found out that i am pregnant, for the second time im only young and single i had an abortion the first time and feel guilty to have one again becuase i consider this my fault, i have just finished high school and want to continue to make it far in life, but i am worried that having a child will alter my chances of having a good life also bieng single i will not have a father for my child women what should i do??

Answer 1

It's a decision only you can make.

Children are time-consuming, extremely expensive, a lot of stress, and will completely and totally change your life.

If you don't think you are prepared to deal with the responsibility of another human being, then you shouldn't.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with making the choice to abort.

Answer 2

Having a child does not ruin your life. Yes it makes things harder but having a child who looks up to you and someone who loves you no matter what is also a great thing. I'm 18 weeks pregnant with my first child and the father is not in my life. I have a great family who is supporting me tremendously and that helps a lot. Having a baby will change your life but there are so many women out there who are single mothers and they do just fine. You are also very young and have a high chance that you will meet someone else who will help you raise your child. I would also think about the fact that since you have already had one abortion that another one might hurt your chances of getting pregnant in the future. Adoption is also another option also. Yes you may feel a little guilty about giving it up but the guilt from that is going to be a lot less than if you have an abortion. It is really up to you but you might try talking to a counsler or another single mother. Good luck.

Answer 3

I think the best option is adoption, there are sooooo many people out there wanting to raise a child and be parents. I myself was signed up to start classes that I needed to in order to adopt. I then became pregnant, and am 5 months preg. now. So I had to put the adoption classes off for awhile, but I still want to adopt. My heart breaks thinking of this little baby dying when there are so many people wanting babies. I believe every child is a blessing and God promises not to give you more than you can handle, and He gave you this child for a reason, even if that reason is to give someone else a chance to be parents that couldn't be otherwise. Please think this through, and have an ultrasound, the baby is already moving and has a heartbeat, it is alive and bouncing around inside of you. Here is a website that you can go to that has hundreds of young girls in the same situation you are in and can give you more info. that you need to make a decision. http://standupgirl.com . My best friend had an abortion a few years ago and she is very torn up about it, and wishes she had made another choice, it's a life, not just some "tissue". You say having a child might alter your chances of having a good life... what about your baby's life? Don't you think that making the choice to have an abortion will also have an impact in your life ? Atleast if you gave the baby up for adoption he/she could still have a life, and you would know you did what you had to do at the time that was best for you and the baby. Please look at the website http://standupgirl.com

Answer 4

You can certainly have the baby & raise it by yourself. It is difficult being a single parent but lots of people do it & are very successful. Do you have family that would help you? Your other option to consider would be adoption. Many people want to have children of their own & are unable. You could contact an adoption agency & choose the parents of your unborn baby. Many families are even willing to have an open adoption where you could remain in your child's life to whatever degree you & the family agree upon. Good luck to you with whatever your decision is.

Answer 5

you should take responsibility for your own actions, BUT........... if you truly believe that having this baby will do more damage then good, you should abort, do you think you could support the child? no one wants to bring a child into the world not knowing if they can feed it or keep it healthy and clothed just because they would feel guilty having an abortion, you would feel worse seeing your child grow up under privileged. good luck.

Answer 6

Ah the great debate! Did you use any contraception? Having a child won't ruin your life, in fact it could enrich it! But in the long run it is really up to you. Personally I would keep it or have it adopted out, after all the baby did not ask for this. Many people will disagree but hey we are all entitled to an opinion!

Answer 7

None of us can tell you what you should do. And I wouldn't dream of it.

It seems to me that you need to weigh up all your options, and really think about it. Everyone knows what the options are, but have you actually looked into each of them?

Having a baby can seem really really scarey, but it doesn't mean you have to change your goals in life. You may have to do things a little different than you expect but having the child will be rewarding. I don't know what you life goals are, so I will tell you that I am a mother of 2, who's partner is not here 2 weeks out of 3 and I go to university full time. I found a university that catered for parents, because as a parent my needs are totally different...flexibility needs to be the key. In uni the key to understand is that full time means 40 hours of complete study a week, of that 15 hours or so will be spent in lectures and tutorials (way different to high school). You can quite easily take a newborn to lectures, by using a baby sling. A sling would allow you to nurse the baby while it sleeps, take next to no room, and allow you feed in privacy, without any fuss. A daycare at the uni would allow you to see your child between classes. I typical course takes 4 years, in which time your child is one year off starting school. You could do most of your study at night, when the baby is asleep, and plan your time. These are just some ideas...I know the same can be said for TAFE colleges, but I can't talk about personal experience. I can tell you, that if you have trouble getting assignments in on time because your child has fallen ill...that is acceptable grounds for extension. Take a part time load to begin with, and ease yourself into full time..gives you time to work out what to expect. don't expect to be able to do the course in the 4 year framework, give yourself some leeway.

Another option, would be to do homestudy, which is not as easy as it sounds. You have to find the time and motivation; in my experience it hasn't worked because the kids always need something; but I know plenty of people it has worked for.

Life doesn't end by having children, it can mean the beginning.

But there are other options. It seems to me that you don't want an abortion because you have already had one. don't beat yourself up about it, mistakes happen and you have to deal with now. I don't need to explain what you will go through, so I will simply say that my friends that have taken this road, think about the child they aborted everyday and feel a sense of loss and guilt, even though they know they made the right decision. I assume this is right for everyone who tries this...I wouldn't know. If it is can you live with two of them? That said, it is a valid option; and would solve your immediate problems.

There is another option, which isn't often thought about. From my own research, it isn't like it used to be, there are options. First there is open and closed adoptions. Open means that you can write the child letters, have limited contact with the parents to find out progress, and send presents. I was told that the amount of contact depends on the adopted parents; which you help find. they have to meet your criteria in this form of adoption. If you decide you don't want contact, then open can mean that the child can find out your details readily, if they want to meet you.

Closed adoption means that there is no contact, and your details cannot be given out to the child. It doesn't mean they can't find out who you are, but it means the adoption agency cannot tell them. but you can't find them either. The hardest part of this is having a child grow inside you and giving it up, but if you are commited then you will be happier knowing that the child has a life with a family who can't have children, so are desperate to give them all the love they have.

Sorry this is so long, but I thought a little detail about each option might help you out a bit. Good luck with the decision, I am sure you will make the right one for you.

In Australia there is an association called "Children by Choice" and I would highly recommend them, or someone similar to them, because they have councelling service, and have all the information on each option, and go through it step by step.

Answer 8

We cant tell you what to do hun, thats up to you. If you really dont want this child would adoption be ok?
Having a baby wont ruin your life, you can go to night classes etc, it may take you a bit longer to get where you wanna go but it wont stop you!

Good luck

Answer 9

would your parents be willing to help or maybe give it up for adoption. i just had a baby im 19 and its was totally worth it for me ill work my butt off to get what i want but i really wanted this baby as well

Answer 10

hiya,please keep the baby!!!!!you will feel guilty again!!.i was in your position 10 years ago and now i am so happy i kept my baby, she is healthy and i love her soooo much.i ve told her the true and she said to me"i am so happy mum u kept me".good luck.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx