I married a man who I had known for 3 years and absolutely adhored him. We had been married 10 months when I found out he cheated on me before we were married, lied about it several times, and has a number of women he has had affairs with and is still in contact with. Its been 4 weeks since i left and I'm finding it hard to get closure. I just can't believe he threw what we had away, he comes across to everyone as such an honorable sort of bloke, but he's not, he's a fake and a sham. So why can't i get him out of head, he hasn't and will not change I know this for sure he really is in another place as far as really coming clean and hasn't even apologised for what he did, why did he marry me with such a secret hanging over us when I gave him all I had. I keep dreaming about him coming back to me.
I need to get some closure on this and move on.
2006-11-09 22:23:18 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
u had so much invested in this man,and gave him your heart. but unfortunatly theres no guarantees in marriage. time and distance does help alot, but it takes time to work through it, time to move on. think we don't move on as fast as we should because there isn't closure, when he refuses to be accountable, and he's not sorry. there can't be forgiveness, not right away anyway. u need a support system of trusted friends, a minister, maybe a therapist. these men certinly do a job on our self esteem. u will miss him and forgetting him will take time, it's just a thing we have to go through, and accept. just be glad it happened when it did, and u found out when u did, and that u can move on. u really don't want him back, u want what u thought he was back. he just wasn't confortable in his role in life, and theres not much we can do about it. but to add insult to the injury to u, he isn't even sorry about it. that must hurt alot. u really didn't know the man like u thought u did, he didn't show his true self to u until now.has nothing to do with u, or anything u did to cause it. hurt and misery visit us all in life, and it's how we handle that hurt that is more important than what he did to u. it's how we handle it, that show's our strength's and weakness. u must see him for who he really is, rather than who u thought he was.
2006-11-10 07:47:35 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1
2016-05-05 15:37:49 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I am sure you have heard all of this before but only time will heal and make you feel better. Eating chocolate ice cream or getting drunk or anything like that those are temporary fixes because when you wake up you will still feel the same. The only thing you can do is learn from what you've experienced but don't let it ever stop you from feeling love again and do not compare that experience to other men. The more time goes by the less it will hurt, talking about it might relieve some of the pain but don't dwell on it keep living your life and enjoy that your still here and enjoy what you have. It took me 3 marriages to find mr.right and you know what they say 3rd time is a charm so someday it might be 3rd time is a charm for you too. As far as getting him outta your head it might not ever leave it will fade out but you were hurt very bad by someone you loved and trusted and even in time when the pain fades away that memory might always be there as a reminder of the bad experience you had in your life and something you moved on from and someday those experiences painful or not that you have lived through can be shared with your children or grandchildren for all those experiences you've had only make you a stronger person and to be able to when the day comes for your children or grandchildren you will be able to understand what they r feeling and tell them your experiences and be there for them when they need it.You will truly be able to say i understand and mean it. Good Luck and God Bless. it will get better.
2006-11-09 22:37:25 · answer #3 · answered by hubbys2ndbest2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a complete bastard. I know it's hard to face but you NEED to realise this. You aren't going to get back together, because you are better than that. He's a horrible sneaky creature and you are a strong independent woman without this asshole. Focus on you. Don't wait for an apology from this man, because you already know that his word means absolutely nothing. Do what you want to do.
If your ex didn't like you going out, then go out clubbing, come home in the early hours of the morning and be thankful that you aren't answerable to anyone else anymore.
Go shopping, work out, see your friends, do all of the things that you wouldn't have been able to enjoy as much when you were in a relationship. His other women are probably ugly skanks anyway to sleep with a married guy, and let him keep them. He'll realise what he's missing when he sees you moving on with your life without him. Go forwards, not backwards.
2006-11-09 22:28:41 · answer #4 · answered by livingthelie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't think that this is your fault in any way. I am now on my third marriage and yes it is a charm and you can move past the point where you are now. Everytime you just want him home remember all of the lies that he told you. You did everything in your power for this relationship. Don't expect different results from the same behavior. Good luck.
2006-11-09 22:28:54 · answer #5 · answered by kelsey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
make yourself busy girl....it takes time to heal i know,but your punishing yourself.you are still lucky coz you dont have kids yet.when my first husband left,my eldest is only 2 years old and a newly born baby girl,i dont know where to go or what to do.and i stayed with my parents,and found a good job,and travel abroad for the sake of my kids.when i made myself busy there are times that i even forgot how he looks like.cheer up girl,you will overcome all this things if you'll go out and enjoy life...God Bless!
2006-11-09 22:46:04 · answer #6 · answered by carmi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dear, time heals all wounds. Your pain will eventually go away, you'll meet someone wonderful. Unfortunately, you cannot erase this awful experience from your memory but it will provide you a future advantage: wisdom. I feel badly that you had to go through it all but stay away from him and don't consider going back. He'll not change.
2006-11-09 22:32:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are feeling very betrayed. Your heart is broken. It will mend.
You might still love him but that doen'tmean you have to be with him.
You didn't fail he failed you. Time to move on.
You deserve to be with someone who can actually be faithful./
If he truely is sorry and is going to change you guys will make it.
2006-11-09 22:29:30 · answer #8 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
statistically your chances of staying married a third time are twice as bad as the second... drop the dink and go on your mary way.
2006-11-09 22:39:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to tell himhow you feel. Then make a plan of what to do next
2006-11-09 22:31:56 · answer #10 · answered by The Cat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋