I have caught my husband in bed with another woman, I am devastated and torn apart...because of his job the house is tied to his job and I have no where to go with my children...what can I do and how can I deal with the hurt?
2006-11-09 21:36:36 · 40 answers · asked by GM 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is in the Armed Forces and so I have to leave the home. I have no family and he has kept me isolated so I have no friends either. I want to shout and scream but if I do I am afriad of what he will do.
2006-11-09 21:48:00 · update #1
Honey, there are shelters.
It is not okay for you to stay there. He knows that you will stay and he will keep on doing it.
Department of Human Services will help you too.
He will keep cheating as long as you stay there.
2006-11-09 21:39:15 · answer #1 · answered by Stephie 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Pack up your bags, pack up your kids and leave.
Go to friends/parents/sister/brother/aunt/uncle even if its only for a couple of days. Go to a bed and breakfast or a hotel even if its only short term or stay longer if finance isn't a problem. If it is, clear out the joint bank account, or charge it to his credit card.
Just go.
It might just shock your husband enough to make him change his ways, assuming you want to stay with him long term. (And assuming he wants the same) It will also give you a bit of breathing space to take a step back and decide what you want to do about the situation. It can't be a very nice atmosphere at home anyway at the moment and there is always somewhere you can go.
As far as the hurt is concerned, that's not going to go away for a long time and there's not much practical advice anyone can give you about that, but time is a great healer so they say.
Revenge is also good! Isn't there anyone you'd like to jump into bed with?!! Having said that, two wrongs don't make a right...but it might make you feel a bit better?!!
2006-11-09 22:06:31 · answer #2 · answered by Bored at work 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is going to be a very tough road. If you have no where to go, DONT LEAVE. YOu might have to still share the house for a while. Someone might have to sleep in another room. Seeking a divorce might be a smart thing. Even if you decide to get back together at least you aren't tied down to someone who might do it again. How much respect does he really have for you or his children to bring another woman in your house. If you have any girls think of the example being set for them. IS it worth it? If you have any sons think of the examples being set for them. Do you have anyone you can stay with temporarily? Hell, I'd put the house up for sale, when the house is gone so will I. He'll be paying child support and spousal support. To deal with the hurt is long process. But never let it be your fault. We are in control of our own bodies. He made the decision to bring his affair back to your home. Ask yourself, will he do it again? How many times has it happened? With the same person or different people?
2006-11-09 21:46:43 · answer #3 · answered by L G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are steps you can take. Even for a "forces wife", there are places you and your children can go,and professional people that can help you. The base where your husband is stationed would have a sort of "family liaison officer" i think, and they would help you with advise,and options on what you can do. The military is very supportive of people in their "family" having marital, or other problems, and would not take too kindly if "one of their own" is acting like your husband is doing. You MUST start the practical things in motion first and be strong whilst doing that,this should also help you deal with the emotional side of it.Hope i helped a little,chin up gal:-)
2006-11-12 01:42:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, this is what you do. Contact a Council (local or otherwise), tell them your situation, tell them you are afraid and have nowhere to go with your children, and get on the housing list. Contact your local womens aid centre, and ask if you can go into a shelter - its not palatial - but you can leave with your kids and stay somewhere safe, until the council gets you housed. Get away from this man, even if you love him, he's done it once (that you know of - he WILL do it again. Be Brave for you and your kids, you deserve better.
2006-11-13 09:42:05 · answer #5 · answered by Lindan5 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to try and get away from him. Do not put up with this. He will only do it again. And also its not healthy for your kids to be in that kind of enviroment. They will pick up on what is going on between you. Kids are NOT stupid. And it will effect them eventually too.
Go to a friend. Or family. Make yoru husband beg you to stay. He has to BEG you otherwise you are showing him your easy and its ok what he done and he will DEFINATLEY go do it again if you just carry on like nothign has happend. Actually, you could get hiim outta that house. The kids are his and yours, the courts in england will favour for you to stay there. If thats what you want that is. BUt you seriously have to do something.
Goodluck.
2006-11-09 21:42:04 · answer #6 · answered by london lady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my dear, really sorryto hear that, I, too have been cheated by my hubby, but never really caught him in the act...but nevertheless, I know exactly how you feel the world is crumbling down on you....surely you can contact your family or a friend who can help you, but remember, in the end, only you can help yourself, first of all, is he willing to repent, and are you willing to forgive and restart with him....really need to have a serious talk with him, calm yourself before the talk, he has to be responsible for your children, even if your marriage is eventually coming apart, he has to ensure that you and your children are well taken care of, it is the least a man can do....I'm sorry to say a man usually think with his d***, but deep down, they still do care for their children, and I'm sure he will not shirk his responsibility just like that, if that's really the worst scenario, I'm sure there are authorities which can assist you....A woman has to do what a woman has to do, confront him, do not ignore the problem as men will be just glad you did or it may end up worse, be strong....
2006-11-09 22:29:52 · answer #7 · answered by Fallen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Betrayal is always the worst to deal with. Worse if it was in your own home. Unfortunately the cost of breaking up is equivalent to the effort of staying togeather. What do you want? Talk to a counsellor and a lawyer. Despite what some others have said Marrages can survive infidelity. However your husband will have to realise that your trust will take many years to regrow. Is he capable of the patience and effort required of him to rebuild your faith in him. If not start talking to a lawyer now.
2006-11-09 21:55:17 · answer #8 · answered by The Guru 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi, i'm so sorry to hear this...do you still love your husband do you think that you can make a go of things again even though it will take a long time if ever that you trust him, if not there are shelters for women in this situatuion or you could go to your local council and put your name down for a house or you could try the citizens advice and see what they say...is there no relatives or friends you stop at till you get your self sorted out....as for dealing with the hurt you can either sit there and feel sorry for yourself or you can get up and get on with things pamper yourself boost your self esteem and let him see what he is missing good luck
2006-11-09 21:53:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a man cheats on his wife once the chances that he will stop are very minimal. The best thing you can do is leave him since he doesnt deserve you, and this also serves in the best interests of your children. No one wants to stay with a cheating dad, atleast am sure of that. But remember all this requires careful planning.
2006-11-09 21:44:43 · answer #10 · answered by Sammo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
Go see a solicitor and see where u stand legally, then move on from there.
Being married u r entitled to alot i am pretty sure if u r married the army cannot chuck u out of the house until ur kids are 8?
I may be wrong?
Good luck
2006-11-10 00:39:04 · answer #11 · answered by Renee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋