Hello, I have been up all night I am struggling how to take the next step. My wife Stephanie, we have been together for 8 years. One year married. She just told me that she loves me but not enough to stay married. She tells me that I am a great husband, and great father to our four kids. She wants to split up and see if she really wants the marriage. She thinks that she is not the married type. She said that she loved me more before getting married. But she still tells me that she loves me and really wants to work out things. I suggested a marriage counselor. But she doesn't want to do a marriage counselor. I love her with all of my heart and I am heartbroken that she wants to split up. She says that she loves me. I know she has a lot of stuff going on. She is stay at mom fulltime same time going to school full time dealing with 4 kids at home. On tuesdays I am off all day from work watching kids, and wednesday night i watch kids so she can go to school. Lately she has been distant.
2006-11-09 20:50:31 · 14 answers · asked by Jot 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay, I hate to be harsh but from a woman's point of view, a woman just doesn't decide not to be married anymore for no apparent reason at all. There is definitely something she is not telling you, something she is leaving out on purpose because just by reading your post, her reasons are very vague.
How can she say she wants out of the marriage and say she wants to work it out all in the same breath? Just doesn't make sense to me at all.
It's either she loves you but is not "in love" with you anymore or there is someone else who she's suddenly preoccupied with. She may also be under a lot of stress being a full time mom and a student at the same time and maybe just needs a little break. Who knows??? But until you sit down with her and have an honest heart to heart talk, the only answers anyone can give you are guesses at best. I would suggest for you to find out the real reason. Only then would you understand why.
2006-11-09 21:30:43 · answer #1 · answered by Leila G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she finally realized that the "house playing" for seven years is permanent with "marriage". You didn't say how long she has been going to school one night a week, chances are someone there has tweeked her interest and she's suddenly feeling trapped. What she needs to be focusing on is the 4 kids at home and that they deserve a mother and father together in harmony and stop being selfish. I'm assuming the four kids are yours together, you brought them into this world and they deserve your full attention from both of you. Find some time that the two of you can have to rekindle what has been there. Raising a family, work, school, everyday life causes you to feel like you've lost life, running is not the answer though. If she won't agree to marriage counselor, try a minister at one of the local churches.
2006-11-09 21:08:23 · answer #2 · answered by tori 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her some time. Maybe she needs some time off. If she really means that she loves you, I am sure she would patch back again. I think she doesnt want to be bugged right now and wants some time alone. Tell her that you are willing to give her time to think because you want this to work and because you love her a lot. Tell her also taht it is really painful for you, but anything that would help this marriage work even if it means a short split you are willing to do only because she needs it.
Tell her that you are willing to be there for anything that she needs. She needs your support now. Be strong and dont let your feelings sway. Hard to force her back, let it be this way and see what is actually there in your marriage.
2006-11-09 21:05:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anne H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
prayer alone will not accomplish much...it's faith that saves marriages. Praying to God but no believing that he will answer your prayer is just you talking at the ceiling. If you pray to God and have faith in Him to heal your marriage than yes prayer can save your marriage. My husband and I are both Christians but for the last three years we have lost sight of our faith and have turned our focus on what the other is doing wrong in the marriage. It has lead to ALOT of fights and some poor decisions being made. Recently we have begun to seek God more and more through prayer and His Word and as we do that our focus is changing from waht we don't like about the other person to why God brought us together. We have taken the focus off of ourselves and put it back on serving God through our marriage. I am happy to report that He is blessing us in many ways! Keep the faith!
2016-03-19 06:05:49 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st of all im so sorry to hear that and that ur heartbroken. i'd say try to figure her out more, try taking her out more, take some time off for u and her and show her u really do love her and can not stay away from her, also another way to calm things down, mention the kids to her, and how dear they are to u guys, and how sad and heartbroken it will be for the parents to be seperated. ask her to put her self in ur shoes and walk a mile and see how she'll feel about it if u did what shes doing to u, also ask her to walk a mile in ur kids shoes as well and see would she like it if her parents depart away.
i hope this helped.
God bless you and help you with your life and family and heal ur brokenheart
2006-11-09 20:58:40 · answer #5 · answered by ♪Þearl♪ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand both sides of the situation. Is your wife (1)depressed (2) have you both had significant changes in your lives (3) do you do some of the things you use to do (4) does she know she is valued (do you say it or do you show it) (5) how supportive are you , how supportive are the children (6) whens the last time you had mommy and daddy time SEE WHAT YOU CAN COME UP WITH
2006-11-09 21:38:29 · answer #6 · answered by L G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
explore everything....try to get to know the real reason why she feels this way, she might just be tired because u just dont fall out of love..or just decide that u dont want to be married. try and be patient. there must be something that bothers her, dont give up until she tells u that ur marriage is hopeless, ask her upfront if there's someone else...
2006-11-09 20:58:10 · answer #7 · answered by ♦cat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She met someone at school.
When she admits it, forgive her.
After 8 years, what do you want?
She has always been YOUR other half or THE KIDS mom.
She is finding out who SHE is.
Let it run it's course.
Don't get divorced.
Write a country song about it.
2006-11-09 20:55:16 · answer #8 · answered by Chris C 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ask any common friends what's bugging her. it might be that she was able to share to one of her close friends, things that she's not telling you. try to spend more time being with her and also help more in the house. be sensitive, there might be some things that you haven't noticed lately and it would give you a hint to what's really going on...hang in there!
2006-11-09 20:55:01 · answer #9 · answered by justine b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is tihinking of herself. I know Id like to run away too. lol. I made a committment so I will not because I even when me and my huband fail there is a third chord that holds our marriage together... that would be God. Without him I would have been gone years ago. She has a need that is not being met your job is to find that need.
2006-11-09 20:54:47 · answer #10 · answered by xx_muggles_xx 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋