She was walking home from Highschool and got pulled into a truck and raped she told me the next day and made me promise not to tell anyone (because if something like that happened she would have to move away and she's moved like 3 times since september)
anyways I dont know what to do to help I dont want anything bad to happen to her (like pregnancy or stds or anything) but then again I dont want to lie to her and tell somone who could help her what do I do?!?
2006-11-09 20:00:23 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Women's Health
Debbie S has a terrific answer.
I just wanted to add that it is best to never promise not to tell a secret. It puts you in the dilemma you now face. If someone says, "promise you will never tell, if I tell you something" you could say..."I will only tell if it puts you or someone else in danger to stay quiet." Quite clearly, it puts others at danger to leave a rapist on the loose. Your friend also needs medical attention and emotional support. Your friend may even be at further risk if the rapist tries to pick her up again as he knows her route walking home from school. The moving excuse is just that, an excuse. No one needs to move because they report a rape. I would think that she might WANT to move to be safe from seeing the rapist again. Then again, it could be possible that she suspects she is pregnant and made this story up to cover herself. Of course you would know more, as she told you.
It's great she has a friend she can confide in. Continue to support her. Find ways that she can report in a confidential manner and encourage her to do so. You could confide in your parents or the school counselor without telling them who you are talking about and see what they recommend. You could approach it as a hypothetical question.
God bless you both.
2006-11-10 11:25:06 · answer #1 · answered by Annamaria 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why in the world would she have to move because she was a victim of a crime???? Silly girl.
Yes, the police and her parents need to be told. She needs medical care. Since it has been so long, the odds of catching the person that did this are slim, but it can be done sometimes. TOo bad, now he can do it to someone else because she was afraid to move.
Seriously, she is going to need help, so report it. If nothing else, tell a school counsellor because if this guy got away with it once, he will do it again and be preying on the high school kids.
2006-11-09 20:05:07 · answer #2 · answered by Star 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOU call a rape crisis hot line and get support for YOU. And then support your friend, and HONOR your promise.
The woman has been violated and traumatized. DON'T make her decisions for her. She has already felt a tremendous loss of power, you're adding to the loss by insisting she report, get tested or the like, it will only add to her trauma.
They most likely will tell you to encourage her to seek treatment and help. Please do so. She needs a friend she can trust, more now than ever before in her life, if you betray her confidence you will have in effect done the same thing as the predator did. So just be a friend.
Good luck.
Peace.
2006-11-09 20:07:53 · answer #3 · answered by -Tequila17 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she knows who did this to her, then she shouldn't worry because if you do the right thing and tell the authorities, she won't have to move anywhere. The only person moving is the rapist and his new home will be the BIG HOUSE!
If you are a true friend you will tell someone, because like it or not this traumatic experience will haunt her both physically and mentally from years to come.
Never let the Rapist make you two believe for a moment that this is all her fault and yours!
2006-11-09 20:07:22 · answer #4 · answered by ddDan86 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to convince her to get help. There is a toll free number to a National Sexual Assault Hotline.
You can go to this web site: http://www.rainn.org/
You can get live online help at this site, or you can call the toll free number.
The phone number to call is: 1.800.656.HOPE
This organization is one of the best ones for any woman who has been raped, and they are confidential...they will not tell anyone. They can give her councelling over the phone and hopefully she will decide to call the police and report this. She can also have the police not mention her name or address and they will honor her request. The main thing here is that she gets medical attention and all rape crises centers keep everything confidential. If she decides to go to the doctor or hospital, there will be a rape crises advocate there to support her and be there for the medical examination. Please remember, all of this is confidential and they cannot tell anyone about it. My mother is a volunteer advocate for our local rape crises center and once a woman goes to a hospital, they page her to meet the woman who was raped at the hospital.
It is very important that your friend get to the hospital as soon as possible, as she needs to be tested to make sure she has no sexually transmitted diseases from the person who raped her, and no internal damage from the forced rape.
Please convince her to get help. Good Luck.
2006-11-10 08:10:28 · answer #5 · answered by Debbie S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Offer to take her to your local health dept. to at least get tested for pregnancy and STD's. They work on a sliding scale, so they charge based on your income, and they are confidential. She could also call one of those rape hot lines.
Just continue to be her friend and love her. She really does need some counseling.
You are in a hard spot, too. I would like to tell you to call her parents and the cops immediately to help solve this crime, but she has to be the one to make that decision. How old is she, anyway?
2006-11-09 21:04:23 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs.Fine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please believe the people who say, "Don't tell -- let her." It's her experience, her body, her decision. Telling FOR her may very well impede her healing process, as it can lead to her feeling more out of control, making her feel as if she's being violated all over again.
It's very hard to describe the thought process of someone who's been raped, mostly because there's a wide range of emotions and thoughts and behaviors that arise. Just make sure you're there for her, and don't push her to do things she doesn't want to do. Make sure you spend some time just hanging out with her at home, if that's where she feels safest. Bring her some yummy chocolates, bath salts, etc. And make sure she knows she's loved.
2006-11-09 20:55:02 · answer #7 · answered by rhetorica 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't break your promise, if you made one, then don't break it that's what a promise is. It's not your life, your decision, or your body. If you made a promise to her , keep it, and be her friend, she trusted you enough to tell you, don't hurt her more , especially now when she needs you. this is her decision not yours
she will come around in her own time. Show her some compassion and understanding, and don't say a word of what you think she should do, you weren't raped.
I AM
2006-11-09 20:14:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your friend and convince her to tell the police and talk to a councelor. Even if she doesn't get pregnant or an STD, she's going to carry around a world of emotional baggage for years. She needs help. She's very scared right now, so you need to support and encourage her every step of the way through this challenging time.
2006-11-09 20:16:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this did happen you have a bigger responsibility to the community at large than your friends secret..How many other girls will suffer the same fate if you do not report it....Let those responible pick this hound up and put him away... Their are counsellors for Victims like your friend as well..This is friendship, not keeping childish secrets for selfish reasons.
2006-11-09 20:04:08 · answer #10 · answered by ray b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋