Married People Only Please?

Question

How can I get my husband to get more romantic in bed?
For the past 1 1/2 years I have been doing ALL of the work and I'm starting to feel like I'm not speacil anymore. I've tryed talking to him about it but it does not change. it seems like he would rather have a BJ than anything else also caught him on porn sites so then I decided to give it to him everyday while watching porn but he started turning it away. And now he will turn an adult show on tv right infront of me and start doing his business without even considering getting me involved. Also his adult shows have to be two women and if a good looking man comes on he will turn it off saying he gets jealous knowing I will see the man. However I had to change my beliefs for him 5years ago I would get jealous about the porn. We used too get into huge fights over it and I figured it was not worth it. but I'm starting to feel like I'm not pretty, good, sexy enough for him anymore and I am young and not bad looking.
Please any advise?

Answer 1

For starters there is absolutly nothing wrong with you. I was where you were years ago. The last straw was when I actually caught him fast forwarding during our time. I never told him to stop watching them but if we were in bed & he wanted to watch one I would tell him to turn it down or go to the other room. As for the BJ part HAH If he wouldn't give me the special perks I wanted HE didn't get his. Eventually any man will get sick of his own hand. My husband has always had a huge sexual appetite though. I found out later that he didn't have a porn addiction, he's into voyeurism. He liked the sneak peaks also the thrill of being caught. Try to talk to him again with a genuine interest of finding out what exactly turns him on about the movies without getting defensive. You might find that it's really something quite simple and possibly even fun for you to do together. You may have to stray from your comfort zone a little but don't let it compromise your morals or it will just make you resent him and you. A few years ago he stopped watching them as much because it was the same thing in each one. Of course them we got internet which opened up a whole new field. Our computer stays in the living room so anything he does now has to be when nobody it home so that helps. We been together for 12 years now. It's been rough but we have made it this far. If you do all you can and he STILL won't give you the proper attention that you need then there's nothing left for you there.

Answer 2

Your husband is being an insensitive jerk. Your husband should never do anything to make you feel the way you are feeling,whether he means to or not.This is especially true since you have tried talking to him and he still refuses to take yourfeelings into account. It takes two to make a marriage work, especially in the bedroom. my advice is that You give him one more chance and have a serious conversation about this without any disruptions. After that, If things still don't change, go on strike. Do not give him what he wants. He will get the message before long. Porn movies will only suffice for so long before he wants the real thing. And if that still doesn't work, consider marriage counseling. If he refuses to go then you may need to reevaluate the marriage because he obviously isn't as invested in it as you are and you deserve better than to be treated like a booty call. You are his wife, and he needs to start acting like it. One final note, I don't think his lack of interest in you has anything to do with your looks or sex appeal. I think something deeper is going on with him that he isn't telling you. Not necessarily cheating but something personal. Try to get him to open to you so that you can fix whatever it is together. Remember you deserve better than this. Good luck ,girl

Answer 3

I was engaged when I was 24 and married when I was 26 Our wedding colors were a pale peach and chocolate brown We each had our brothers as witnesses (2 total), it was a very small wedding (14 people were there including us and our reverend) Our reception was held a month after our wedding, and we did not have assigned seating, most people didn't sit, it was a cocktail party We had a small chocolate cake and then a variety of desserts for people to choose, I think there were 5 different choices We went to Maui for two weeks We got married in Gleneden Beach, OR, a tiny town on the coast, just outside of Lincoln City

Answer 4

Honey, his porn problem has nothing to do with you. You may be the hottest, sexiest little wife, but this is his problem (and it is obviously a problem). Make a decision about your boundries regarding including porn in your relationship with him. From the progression you noted above, it seems to me that it did not help you to include porn in your love making, I would suggest that you do not include it. You can't make him change, but you can let him know that it bothers you.
Do what you can do to please him, not only in bed but in your whole marriage. If he is a reasonable man, a good man, then find things to respect about him and let him know how you feel about him. Treating him with respect is the way he will know that you love him. I suggest reading the book Every Man's Battle by Aterburn, maybe he will read it too, but don't force him.

Answer 5

Sounds like he's addicted to porn and it's the only way he can get his excitement. It's time for him to get some counseling and if you insist on staying with him, get some counseling for yourself. He will continue with this until you break the cycle. This is quite a bit different than looking at Playboy once in a while. Sorry but I'm not married.

Answer 6

I do feel your man has gotten a obcession with porn you may give him a ultimatum tell him you are bored with the sex you two have been having and you would be open to experimenting with new things let himknow he needs to get away from the porn that when he is with you that you need his full attention that you feel
somewhat uncomfortable the way he has been treating you and how much porn he is watching. Personally if I wasn't in a great marriage you sound like a very nice women stop letting him walk all over you. But really it sounds like he is bored with the same old routine kick it up a notch get a book buy a dildo most couples use them together guys if they are confident with themselves
would be open to finding new sense triggers on their bodies with a vibrating tool.

Answer 7

its just a guy thing, try to get involved with it, with him. tell him it turns you on, see if then maybe things switch around a bit. i have been through the exact thing, i started doing the same thing and it opened all sorts of new doors for us. Don't know why we couldn't have worked through the other issues in our marriage, unfortunately we are no longer together. good luck i know that feeling ya get when they seek gratification else where, even if its a porn, ya still feel hurt and rejected. Its not you.

Answer 8

I been with my husband almost ten years married 3.our sex was fantastic roled played different places,positions...he works 12 hour shifts almost 5 to 6 days out the week...Well for the past year I thought he was to tired from work then it turned to myself feeling he was tired of me I just had a baby so I felt really fat and the weight didnt come off as fast as the other two ..I worked out harder and still nothing when we did it felt like it was his chore or something.Even did the crying asking him whats wrong with me is there someone else are you not attracted to me anymore..well I learned that holding back not giving him any didnt work lack of sex for me made me very fustrated .but that shouldnt stop u from pleasing yourself just for awhile .For some reason I noticed he hates when I please myself not letting him touch me.I started sleeping in nothing but his tank tops ,my cute undies and showering with victoria secrets heavenly body wash ..I didnt ignore him,be mean towards him or anything like that I just acted the same.more lovingly actually...It was so hard cause I wanted it all the time but I held off even for the morning quickies handed him the remote...went running something to keep busy....Yes he did get mad.I let him kiss me above the neck or feel me I let him know I enjoyed it too...but didnt let him go any further then that...I keeped asking him do you want me/how bad. do u want me..and if I let you have me what are you going to do... if it wasnt the answer i wanted I handed him the remote and told him let me know when those wants turn into have to have.....well I must say I didnt think he would crack and I almost gave in but I m glad I didnt ..

Answer 9

This cat is totally addicted to porn. I have met several people like that. It's not that he doesn't want you and that you don't turn him on it's that he really needs help. This is actually a common problem in our society. Oprah even had a special on it one day. I would strongly suggest talking to him and asking him if he is addicted to porn.

Answer 10

Plainly; your relationship SUCKS !!! He is making love to the electronic image in place of you. Why do you stand for this from him ? Tell Mr. "Rosy palm and his five daughters" to throw the porno out or you are out. It must be tough competing with beautiful women running nude across a T.V. screen ... little wonder your husband doesn't want to do it with you !!! Porn is imagery adultery in your case !!! Leave the marriage if he refuses to change. Good luck to you.