arranged marriages, help?

Question

I come from a country where arranged marriages are the norm. And when I emigrated to America, I was so excited to get away from that—to marry someone because of love! But now I don't know. I look around and see everyone here getting divorced, or having a lot of relationship troubles—much more than I ever saw in my home country.

I still want to choose the person I want to marry, and I have met him on http://bbwcentury.com/best but I'm wondering: Do you think there's something we can learn from arranged marriages about how to stay together?

Answer 1

I grew up in America, have been divorced twice, and considered how arranged marriages work in other cultures. I believe there are some benefits.

Another concept is an old-fashioned American custom called "courtship." In courtship you are never totally alone with the other person and do not get tempted to do things you shouldn't do until marriage. You know what I mean.

There was a time when a young couple would date, but with a chaperone. You did things with the two people's families, participated in religious activities together, and built a relationship. You might do charity work together or something that allows you to work side-by-side. This is a way to get to know how the person is in different situations.

The courtship leads to marriage and by then you know one another quite well, know each other's families, and have focussed on planning a marriage, as opposed to having lust for one another. The families should approve as well.

So courtship might be a good compromise to outright arranged marriages. It gives you a choice in who you want to marry, but you take your family's opinions into consideration as well. Dating is not just a fun time out and "getting some" .... but a time to build a relationship leading to a lifetime marriage.

These are things I've looked at and considered after I made all of the mistakes. Perhaps I've given you something to think about.

I wish you well,

Sue

Answer 2

I use to have a friend who lived in a country where arranged marriages were the norm. His parents set him up with this girl and they didn't know much about each other. He tried his best to do all the right things for her, however she wasn't happy and cheated alot. The marriage lasted two years. They ended up having a baby with in the two years as well. They divorced and she moved on.
I don't think learning how to stay together through an arranged marriage can really help. That is just something that is put upon you and you know you have to do it for beliefs and the family.
I think with alot of people today, they jump into marriage before they really get to know one another. The other divorces coming from long marriages is midlife crises and one or the other, or both don't know how to handle it and thinks divorce is the answer.
I think if you look with your heart and find the special person you want to be with and they feel the same..... then that is true love.
I was kind of forced into marrying a guy too and for all the wrong reasons. I learned to love him after we were together. The marriage lasted 13 years, but then he decided he wanted something I couldn't give him. He choose to move on to another and give up his family.
All I can tell you is that it has to be an equal relationship and lots of love and understanding. Now a days it seems like people don't take marriage seriously like they use to.
It is sad!

Answer 3

One good thing about arranged marriages would be that the two people involved should have things in common. They have to spend time getting to know each other and making an effort to please. Here in America once two people get married then each one often takes the other for granted. As long as married people keep looking for greener pastures then there will continue to be a high divorce rate.

Answer 4

we here live in what has become a throw away society. everything we have, if it goes bad you don't fix it ,you replace it and that is what has happened to marriage. Its to easy and accepted to get a divorce instead of working on it and trying to make it better.We all come from different cultures and beliefs and not everyone has been raised the same with the same type of background and when you cross cultural backgrounds like we do alot then i think that becomes a problem. So if you were to stay within your own culture(nationality) it helps in understanding alot more about each other.

Answer 5

There is a difference between falling in love with someone or being forced to learn and love someone. In an arranged marriage you have to learn to love each other, easy? No, but I think greater strength comes out it because there is more respect in the end.

Answer 6

It is known the parents tend to know whats best for there children and in this case they may know how to pick a guy that would best suit you but really anything can happen and marriage isn't a easy
life change it is a strong binding commitment that should not be taken gently in any way. So find that prince charming or let your parents in the end it is you who says "I Do".

Answer 7

Where I live, we do not have arranged marriages, but from all history, you were adviced who to marry with then YOU decided whom to marry. It was a way of arranged marriage.

Here now the young people have a dilema. Marry who we want, and take the risk of getting divorced and legal problems or marry whom we should and we know we will not divorce (but our wife, will not work, will do what she wants bla bla bla

if you want e-mail me: [e-mail]

Answer 8

Arranged marriage allows you to comment,love marriage doesn't.

Answer 9

Yes, you can learn that your parents don't have to give up a llama or a bag of rice to find someone. Arranged marriages may work because of tradition....not because of happiness.

Answer 10

complicated task. browse into bing and yahoo. this will help!