I used to have this friend, we were really close but she always had this thing for my boyfriend. Eventually she started becoming distant with me, and stopped talking to me. I really didn't mind, until she started calling my boyfriend all the time asking him to hang out with HER and HER friends. He told her no, and brished her off... Her and I got into a few arguments, and to make a long story shortish.. we hate each other now. But she is still emailing and calling my BF. Do i tell him he should tell her to leave him alone? or is that being to controlling?
2006-11-09 17:05:08 · 12 answers · asked by Lex 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should not order him to do anything as that is an attempt to control his actions. You should tell him exactly how you feel and that you would prefer he not continue contact with her because she has shown bad motives where he is concerned.
If he cares for you, he will heed what you say and choose to cut communication with her. If he doesn't, then you need to be concerned about your relationship, not because of her, but because of him. In the end, you can't control anyone. You can be open about how you feel and why.
Sue
2006-11-09 17:23:39 · answer #1 · answered by newbiegranny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Telling your boyfriend what to do is too controlling, and may even be likely to make him respond (in that ever-mature manner for which the male sex is so famous) "oh yeah? I'll show HER" and call her himself.
What you DO have the right to do is to tell him how much it upsets you that she's still pestering him, and then ASK him if he could tell her to leave me alone.
...On reflection, I'm with Trinity: this is one of those cases where your ex-friend is yanking your chain just to see how hard it'll jerk you around. If you let go of the chain, she'll fall on her butt.
It might still be worth clearing with your BF about how much it annoys you, if he's worth anything he'll take your side. But walking away, not taking her calls, and marking her emails as spam is the best policy. (Note that if you use Yahoo! mail, or if your boyfriend does, you can block a sender and no message from the ex will appear in his mailbox. I've used this on particularly obnoxious posters on lists I've belonged to -- it's like they don't even exist. Lovely...)
2006-11-10 01:15:45 · answer #2 · answered by Scott F 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you shouldn't HAVE to tell him to do that. He should already be telling her to get lost. You aren't doing anything wrong. She's moving in on your guy and you're trying to put an end to it.
You may lose this guy. It's gonna be up to him if he wants to stay with you or try something new with your "friend". He may already be seeing her behind your back. That would explain why she STILL is emailing and calling. Is he responding to the emails? Is he answering her calls? Is HE calling HER?
Anyway it's out of your hands. He's gotta chose to stay with you or try your friend.
2006-11-10 01:33:27 · answer #3 · answered by Hank 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thought you said he told no and brushed her off... it sounds like he's already told her to leave him alone, not much else he can do outside of changing his email address and phone number. As far as TELLING him what to do put yourself in his place, would you want him TELLING you what to do? Try ASKING, works much better and doesn't sound controlling at all.
2006-11-10 01:11:01 · answer #4 · answered by sharpeilvr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Open your eyes. You are being tested and you are falling for it.
If you trust your friend, do not bother she will get tired and leave you alone but as long as you are showing you have some energy to fight on, she wil keep buging you like a house fly.
Let her loose, she will get tired.
2006-11-10 01:14:44 · answer #5 · answered by Trinity 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest you tell your boyfriend you think it is best for all concerned we leave the x friend out of our lives starting now. No further explanation needed.
2006-11-10 01:13:09 · answer #6 · answered by Lore 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your boyfriend cares about you, he will ignore her emails and not talk to her when she calls. If he's not smart enough to figure that out on his own, then you need to tell him. If he doesn't stop her then, that should tell you something.
2006-11-10 01:08:48 · answer #7 · answered by butrcupps 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Clearly she is jealous of you. And she wants him. Stear clear of her and tell your boyfriend to do the same. AND BY THE WAY...no ....NOTHING is being to controlling when it comes to handling your own life. Take charge and end that nonsense
2006-11-10 01:36:25 · answer #8 · answered by xovenusxo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you on putting your foot down! Keep making it clear that she is not appreciated. Also make it very clear to your BF that you are close to boiling point & he needs to show some effort in pushing her away & sustaining the sentiment. He cant have his bread buttered on both sides!
2006-11-10 01:09:33 · answer #9 · answered by Claude 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Lex,
I think your boyfriend can handle this he has already told her no & banished her. I think you'd be controlling. Let him handle it by himself. Besides he's
your boyfriend & into you not her. Good luck & have a good day! :0)
2006-11-10 01:18:46 · answer #10 · answered by dousmokedoobies69 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋