I met this guy through a mutual friend a few weeks before he got married. There was an instant connection, but he got married anyway. We began hanging out through a mutual friend and then started seeing each other without others around. Now he spends the majority of his time with me when he's not at work or with his kids (who are not by his wife). We have a connection that is magnetic and I have never felt like this for anyone else. I know it's morally and ethically wrong, but I think I'm in love (the feeling is mutual). Any advice/help?
2006-11-09 16:57:53 · 34 answers · asked by jae 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
fyi... we haven't slept together, so sex hasn't entered the picture, but we've thought about it/discussed it.
2006-11-09 17:10:45 · update #1
The best thing you can do is tell him that if he really loves you and wants to be with you he needs to divorce his wife and until he does that you won't see or talk with him anymore. It is that simple. Otherwise, you are asking for trouble in so many ways and it will eventually destroy your relationship with him. He needs to end one relationship before he begins another with you. Believe me, he will have immense admiration and respect for you if you take this position not to mention the trust that will be saved between you.
The key issues here are that eventhough he met you and developed feelings for you before he got married he went through with the marriage anyway. That should tell you something about him. The other thing is that you admit that you know what you are doing is morally and ethically wrong and it is. The last thing you want is to be the cause of the end of his marriage and a constant reminder of his failure and the pain he caused. That will cause tremendous problems between the two of you for years to come.
If you really are in love with him then make him do the right thing for you, his wife and himself. If your relationship is meant to be it will be in time. I know it seems like the most difficult and painful way to handle this relationship but he can only be committed to one woman and the more time passes the more agony this will cause you. This is one time when you must listen to your head and not your heart. Good Luck!
2006-11-09 17:39:50 · answer #1 · answered by Cashmere621 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am going to give you a real feel to this, not a storybook happy ever after by the book kind of answer ok....
It is fun in the beginning because of all of this attention but when it is all said and done he will still be married to his wife. I am not judging you, I just think that the feelings you have are too deep and you are going to get hurt. He has a special bond and relationship with his wife and has a different type of bond with you and you cannot change that. If he really did not love her then he would have not married her. HE likes you alot, I'm sure but you eventually are going to want more and he will not be able to meet your needs. ex.. (X-mas. Birthdays, Thanksgiving, New Years, Sweetest day and Valentines day).
If you insist on having relations with a married man then keep it on a physical level and keep your emotions out of it. Try to meet someone else to occupy your time so that way the new person can pull your attention away from him.
2006-11-09 17:08:16 · answer #2 · answered by Charisma 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What kind of man do you actually have? One that shortly after marrying one woman, starts "hanging out" with you. You actually said that you know that what you are doing is morally and ethically wrong, yet you keep at it at the expense of his wife who is more than likely none the wiser. I think that you reap what you sew, and what you're sewing won't yield a fruitful crop. Many, many women have gone before you and fallen into the same pit of nothingness, only to wake up years later with the realization that the man is a cheat who's not going to leave his wife anyway. Get real.
2006-11-09 17:05:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take the higher road. Don't get involved.
This man has made a VERY serious committment to another woman.
It is not just about YOU,now it is about: you, him and HER. If this continues, you will make someone else miserable to satisfy your own desires, as inviting as they may be.
I am sure your feelings are strong, and I am sure that there is Chemisrty; however, how would you feel in the other's shoes?
Taking the higher road is more difficult, and it can be painful and against our desires, but at the end of the day you will be glad, inside, that you did the right thing. Don't be under the false impression that he is the only possible fit for you.
Pardon the cliche, but there are indeed other fish in the sea.
2006-11-09 17:05:05 · answer #4 · answered by econdrone 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG....what if there was another woman besides you? Just hypethetically. Imagine you being in the naive wife's shoes. That poor woman. She probably suspects something but is in denial because this is her husband. Or has lost trust in him but loves him too much to let go. He needs to just leave her rather than cheat on her with you. YOU need to tell him you can't see him unless he leaves his wife. This is looking out for his wife, not the two of you conniving people. Someone will get hurt, but please let the poor wife go. You are just as guilty as the husband. If it's really love between the two of you, he needs to leave his wife. Don't be surprised if he does the same thing to you. And what the hell were you doing sleeping with a man you know was about to get married??? You two deserve each other. That poor other woman!
2006-11-09 17:05:40 · answer #5 · answered by circa 1980 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have no use for your kind what so ever. The fact that you admit that you know your the other woman and you STILL see this man!! What in the heck is wrong with you!! How in the heck would you feel if you was his wife and found out that he was seeing another woman???????? That man is nothing but a cheating liar!!!! You both are poor excuses for human beings!! I just left a man because of this. He was treated so good at home, treated like a king, there was nothing that I wouldn't do for him at any given time. He just couldn't stay away from women. And one more thing, if you think for one minute that anything will ever become of you and him, good luck, you and him both WILL get what you BOTH deserve in the end!!!!
2006-11-09 17:15:07 · answer #6 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well at least you nknow it is immoral and therefor you are being an immoral person. I wonder how you would react if you knew that you hubby was seeing another woman...
There is something that you are loking for and I guarntee you will not find in this man, inn this man you will find infatuation and eventualy hurt and a lot of pain. Remember other have gone through that route and they ahve gotten hurt and emabrrassed if this is what you want go one. If I were you I would look for love elsewhere. The ocean is large honey and thereare plenty of fish. Where settle for less?
You are looking for security, and a stable person, but they guy you have belngs to another. Ever heard Rod Stewarts Song "...and I dont want to be, your second violin.."
2006-11-09 17:29:30 · answer #7 · answered by Trinity 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh Jae! What are you thinking. Ok let's say that he divorces his wife for you. And then he asks you to marry him. Oh wait a minute, he just met someone else a few weeks before he met you and now even though your both married, he is seeing someone else. And the circle of betrayal continues. Get my point? You will never be his total love. Because the man is not only sleeping with you, but he is also sleeping with his wife. And what makes you think that your the "only other woman?" Huh? Respect yourself more and cut it off. I don't mean his manhood either, but I mean the relationship because, this isn't a relationship. You can't be totally out with him. Because with him being married, he has to come up with reasons to hide and lie to his wife. Just like he has to hide and lie to you. So it isn't fair to you, and it isn't fair to his wife either. What your feeling isn't love Sweetie, it's lust. Plain and simple. You need to really move on. Believe me he will find another, "other!"
2006-11-09 17:09:27 · answer #8 · answered by ncamedtech 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi Jae, I know this is a big problem,but he did marry his wife and you know he is marry. If he feels the same way,then he will divorce his wife to be with you. Don't be the other woman. All you would be is a sex toy for his pleasure.Do you want to dine in a run down restaurant in the dark back corner?? That's what will happen if he stays with his wife. He doesn't want to been seen in public with you. Someone will tell his wife.So if he won't leave his wife for you, Call it off it's not worth all the trouble.
Clowmy
2006-11-09 17:12:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you have got to reckon that what you are feeling is not love but a mere attraction. I am not telling you to lie to yourself neither am I teaching you what love is like. But the truth is, he is a married man and it is morally and ethically wrong for your to be the third party in his marriage.
You need to keep your head clear. Think straight. As long as no one has made any confession to one another, both of you can still be good friends and enjoy this platonic friendship. But once things are confessed, both of you might not be able to even be friends anymore. Is this a risk worth taking?
If the man is yours, you will definitely meet him when he is available. But in your case, you did not, so in other words, he was never meant to be yours in the first place.
Good luck.
2006-11-09 17:04:26 · answer #10 · answered by caterpillar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋