I am lost what should I do?

Question

wife and I have 2 children.Baby and 5 yr old.I love them dearly but walked out 2 days ago after wife told me some unwelcome truths but in a very provocative and insulting way.I am probably suffering deppression. Have had dozens of professional setbacks and deaths in my adult life.Not to mention my Childhood.However I do realise I am far luckier than many.. Have only talked to a proffesional once on the phone and he believes I need a course of cognitive treatment whatever that is. I have never hit my (even though she seems to be provoking me to do so)wife but have thrown objects such as picture frames onto the floor etc. The night I left I was extremily negative. My wife does not want to accompany me to Italy where I own land and could build on it.She says she will stay here and work and she doesnt need me. She hasnt apologised to me or tried to contact me since I left.. I love the kids.What can I do??

Answer 1

This sounds harsh but "Grow up"

Answer 2

If you are a catholic I would talk to a priest some are quite skilled at counselling and mediation and family-centric so will put in the effort a paid professional might not. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a proven treatment for depression it enables you to see things differently and gives you tools and strategies for pushing away those negative thoughts and dealing with anger. I don't know if that is much help but you sure read as though you need some but it won't come knocking you have to make it happen. Babies put a lot of strain on relationships don't get sucked into 'all-or-nothing-thinking' and try to talk as simply and as honestly as you can to your partner. Good luck

Answer 3

Oh man, my heart goes out to you. Why she wanted to hurt you, I know not. What I can say is that you can somehow over come this.
I will not say to "grow up" because it sounds like you have quite a bit of maturity in that you have not been violent toward her.
It sounds like she is anything but nice, at least to you. All I can say is that if she doesn't appreciate you, life may be better if you (dear heavens I hate to say this) and she live apart for a while. I am sorry for the children, but the hell her meanness is causing them may be far worse than seeing you less.
I don't know what the really best options are for you at this moment, because I am not sure exactly what your wife has in mind. I do know some women (a small minority) would be perfectly pleased to have the children and be rid of the husband entirely.
It comes down to if your having to weather the initial shock of the moment, and live through it until the situation is resolved. Yes, it may take the help of a professional.
All the best to you and your children in this terrible moment.

Answer 4

There are various things you can do. First go to your doctor and see how they can help. Get cognitive therapy - look it up - it is an excellent form of therapy and it works well with depression. There are plenty of other forms around too but from what you say it does seem like a good one to try. Just pay for it, get a recommendation instead of waiting for it on the NHS, you need to do something now not is 2 yrs time!

You can call your wife and tell her you know things have not been right and that you are going to try to make things better in yourself. It will be up to her if she wants to support you or not. She may need some time, she may not, you will need to give her that space. In time, perhaps you could both go to a marriage counsellor like Relate - we went and it was a life saver.

You have small children, you can not be in the house throwing things about! Poor kids, they feel things and are aware, especially the older one. They do not need to experience your depression! Get help for your sake and your family's sake.

I have been there myself, got 2 small kids and it is hard. But it is possible to get better and happier so go for it and good luck. And never give up, if one thing does not work, try something - just never, ever give up! Life is hard but your future is your choice.

Answer 5

Get professional help. Why should you expect you wife to move from where she lives and from where she has a safety network to move half way across the world to build on a block of land with a man who has anger management problems. It's the photo frame first and then what? What if a piece of glass bounces back and hits one of your kids - we all know you'll be sorry then.

Get the help and ask her to come with you and to work at this as a family. She may not be ready for it yet, but when she sees you making a concerted effort to get help she will understand more. Comes down to trust now, doesn't it?

Good Luck!

Answer 6

Get some counselling.
What exactly did your wife tell you?
After counselling let her know you've been and you want to chat and if you decide you want to give it another go see what she says.
It sounds like you have had a hard life everyone has to deal deaths but people deal with it in different ways.
If you don't talk about problems they just build up and up it's good for you to show your emotions have a good cry it will help.
But most importantly take care of yourself and make yourself happy.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 7

hi, sorry to hear this, first of all you need to see your doctor, you are probably suffering with depression he Will be able to prescribe the right medication for you and you need to ask him about counciling to, this will help you get things of your chest that you have been bottling up and help you come to terms with a lot of stuff and hopefully make you feel stronger to deal with the stuff going on now, it was wrong of your wife to be so nasty to you and make you feel worse, try and get a flat or something near the kids if your wife wont have you back that way you can stay in contact with them, if she wont allow this then you need to get a solicitor and take her to court for access, then when the medication is working and the counciling you will be thinking clearer and be able to then make bigger desions about your life but talk things through first before moving away or making big desisions as you may not be thinking clearly at the moment and later regret what you have done...good luck i hope this helps and you manage to find peace and happiness again.

Answer 8

I think both of you need time apart to "cool off." It's actually better to walk away when you're angry because things are often said that you can never take back. You have to think of the kids right now. You 2 need to sit down and discuss things in a rational matter. That was my problem in my marriage; no communication. You have to compromise with each other. Too many couples are stubborn today and there are far too many break-ups because of built-up fraustrations.

Answer 9

It's 50-50. If you love her, the property in Italy should be trivial. She is what matters most. She is bitter towards you which is natural for both of you to be in this situation.

I recommend you show her love only. Don't whine, beg, or manipulate. Show her you are the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with.

As for the emotions.... there are prescription drugs for every affliction and mood. -just try to work with your feelings first instead of screwing with your bodies chemicals.

It is said that: The more love there is....the more pain there will be. Fight for it!

Answer 10

do not laugh at this, but i believe that men also get postnatal depression, children are such a big responsibility.so sorry for you, maybe you both need a holiday, with the children, you are both so lucky to have children,you and your partner need to tell each other what you want and expect from the marriage, so, you are italian and you threw something, i am surprised, is she italian too, , love to both of you and the bambinos.

Answer 11

your last words are enough. you love the kids. Not enough to keep a marriage going I am afraid. I think you should go back to Italy, build on your land and hopefully do a lot of thinking whilst you are there, keep contact with your wife and children, always let them know what you are up to and who knows, you may make something of yourself and feel better and realise that you also love the woman you married.